


Almost Alice

by thelovelylydia



Category: Alice in Wonderland 2010
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-12
Updated: 2016-05-02
Packaged: 2017-11-07 12:55:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 67,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/431439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thelovelylydia/pseuds/thelovelylydia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alice is now 21 years old, a successful business partner to Lord Ascot, and engaged to be married to her successful fiancé. Alice's life would appear perfect, except for her constant nightmares of strange creatures and things, in particular a certain man with a large top hat and striking green eyes. Alice thinks this is all a dream she had made up in her head, but suppose she falls down the rabbit hole and her Dreamworld could actually be a reality? Based off the Almost Alice CD and Avril Lavigne's Alice music video.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Her Name is Alice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Her Name is Alice" song by The Shinedown

_(If I had a world of my own everything would be nonsense_

_Nothing will be what it is because everything would be what it isn't)_

_I invite you to a world where there is no such thing as time_

_And every creature lends themself to change your state of mind_

_And the girl that chased the rabbit, drank the wine, and took the pill_

_Has locked herself in limbo to see how it truly feels_

_To stand outside your virtue_

_No one can ever hurt you_

_Or so they say..._

Alice Kingsleigh sat at the wide desk in her small room looking out the [window](http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6683117/1/Almost_Alice). She was supposed to be carefully writing out wedding invitations in meticulously practice calligraphy but she was much too distracted by the beautiful star-littered sky outside her window. She tapped the pen that was supposed to be drawing the difficult letters upon the desk as she bit at her thumb nail.

Her twenty first birthday was fast approaching and so much had happened in her life since the day she accepted Lord Ascot's offer to become his business partner. She had traveled from China and back, meeting Lord Bayne Johnson on her travels. He was a branch owner for the company and a very smart man. Alice found him quite intriguing to talk to and they had long conversation about law and life in the late nights on the boat. Both had trouble sleeping- Alice because of her strange dreams and Bayne because he just couldn't sleep. He claimed so much preoccupied his mind that he just couldn't concentrate it all and shut it off so he could rest at night. They came rapid fire to him with no end in sight. Alice had found this slightly funny and completely absurd. She liked absurd. Ever since she was little she had a small notion in her that there was a place where everything didn't make any sense and what should be wasn't. It was a funny little dream to have constantly. Something quite different had always nagged Alice in the back of her mind that this really wasn't a dream, that she had actually visited a place such as this. But it was all impossible.

 She was tired because of another late night pacing her room and trying to chase away the nightmares. She had a crazy notion that if such a place did exist she hoped she could find it because it would be a safe haven for her. She found herself laughing aloud at the stroke of midnight and feared she had truly gone round the bend. She tried to bore herself with the plans for the wedding. Soon she would be Mrs. Alice Johnson. A perfectly horrid name. She didn't like the idea of getting married and the only reason she had agreed to it was because she promised her mother she would do something useful in her life.

 Alice felt that leading the company wasn't enough; she truly needed to settle down like all the other girls much younger than her already had. She would never be able to find a man that truly captured her anyhow. He sister thought she had snagged the perfect man for her. Lowell Manchester was a handsome, witty, smart man that her sister absolutely worshipped. He also cheated on his wife and had a severe gambling problem. Alice figured if she couldn't find the perfect man she might as well marry in the ranks of a rich one. Her mother had been lucky in finding her father, but Alice was not her mother. She was not down to earth and she certainly let her dreams take over her reality. She had chased a rabbit and tripped in a hole two whole years ago because she actually believed it to be wearing a waistcoat! What a funny notion! All she got for it was a soiled dress and a very confused head. Her nightmares only became more frequent and descriptive after that. She actually believed that she had found this magical wonderland and fallen into a hall where she had to eat cake to grow and drink wine to shrink. What a silly idea to even propose!

Alice looked down at the wedding invitation and sighed. A place like that was only one her heart dreamed was real because that way she would be able to escape from the terrible future she could only block from her thoughts. She closed her eyes and thought of the wedding. It was time to concentrate, to take things seriously, not to dream. She took her pen in hand and dipped it into the ink well. With a steady hand and an aching heart she began to address an invitation to one of the now married Chataway sister, banishing the hope of escape from her thoughts.

_Sometimes the curiosity can kill the soul but leave the pain_

_And every ounce of innocence is left inside her brain_

_And through the looking glass we see she's painfully returned_

_But now "off with her head" I fear is everyone's concern_

Alice sat at the right hand side of Bayne at their engagement party. He smiled at her with his straight toothed smile and his deep blue eyes. Alice found herself looking down at her dinner plate as her stomach churned from the lack of sleep she had acquired last night.

"Alice, are you alright?" The man asked in concern and put a hand on her back. She hated the feeling of the weight and found herself shrugging it off.

She was in a horrible mood and she didn't want to be reasonable. Alice wanted to lock herself inside her room and throw shoes and clothes against the wall just because she could. She felt that she was losing all she was merely because she took this proposal from Bayne. She closed her eyes again and saw the mysterious man that always seemed to stare back at her with his rarely focusing large green eyes. They were the brightest green she had ever seen and she felt so completely accepted and at home in them. But she had never met this man before, he was an escape in her imagination and it always caused her to curse herself inwardly because she was strangely attracted to him. But now was a time to live in reality, she couldn't go off into the dream man's stare as Bayne touched her body and looked into her with those dead blue eyes. She forced herself to look into them now and plastered a very fake feeling smile upon her face.

"Of course I am dearest; I don't mean to cause you to worry." She said gently. He looked at her with a shake of his straight black hair.

"Don't tell me you are having more nightmares?"

"Then I won't." She said and looked back to her plate and the food that lay there. She wasn't in the mood to eat and she certainly would retch the food up later as she tossed and turned, the mad man still on her mind.

"Everyone is going to think you are off your head if you constantly find yourself lost in them." He said disapprovingly and took Alice's hand. She kept hers limp like a smelly dead fish.

"I am not in the mood to care what others think. I am tired and I am irritated." She said and glared at him.

"Alice, be a proper woman!" He scolded harshly in a whisper. She put her elbows on the table and thrust her head into her hands.

Would she suffer every day she didn't feel like herself being told to behave like a proper woman? She stood suddenly and left the room in rush. She didn't want to be there and she certainly did not want to be scolded like a little child by her husband to be. She heard his chair scrape across the floor as he rushed up after her.

 "Alice!" He said. "One moment, everyone, I am afraid Alice's nerves have gotten the best of her." He apologized and made an excuse for Alice in front of the rest of the party. Alice went out to the balcony of the large mansion that overlooked the Johnson estate. She began to pace back and forth, her brain thinking constantly. Bayne stood in the doorway, leaning against the frame and watched her.

"I am not going back in there." She stopped her pacing to speak to her fiancé.

"Alice, why are you acting this way? It's almost as if you don't want to marry me." He said and went to Alice, standing before her. He frowned down at her and she looked up at him with a scowl.

"Of course I do!" She lied and went to lean against the railing. "It's just that these dreams keep happening and I don't feel like myself." She admitted with frailty and looked out to horizon.

"Alice Kingsleigh. You must do your best to rein in this feeling you have. It makes you quite disagreeable when I need you to be extremely." He answered her good naturedly. Alice just kept looking ahead.

_You see there's no real ending_

_It's only the beginning_

_Come out and play..._

_This kingdom, good riddance_

_Her freedom and innocence_

_Has brought this whole thing down_

Alice shot up from a nightmare. It was a new one about the same old place she went to when she rest her head on her white pillows at night. She couldn't remember names and the faces of the people she met were sometimes unclear. Only the man with the intense green eyes and the strange top hat that sat upon her head stayed locked in her memory in her waking hours.

Tonight the same red face appeared in her head. The short woman dressed in the angry color had a large forehead, big brown eyes, and an enormous mass of hair atop her head. Alice sat on her bed panting and trying to remember what the dream was about. She was dressed in battle regalia and she had carried a large sword advancing toward an intimidating reptile. The air around her in the dream was thick and Alice knew she was going to kill the creature before her. The dream became fuzzy again and she could only remember killing the creature by slicing off his head. Something had startled her very much in the dream for her to have awoken so violently. She threw the large, fluffy blue comforter off her body as she began to take note of how hot her body was. She placed a hand on the back of her neck and found that her head was sweaty. A chill from the cracked open window caused her to shiver from the sweat that glistened on her body, now soaking into her night gown.

Alice stood up and went to the window to look out it. It was summer and the English night was warm, a slight breeze traveled through the windows. She looked down into the garden and saw a curious little white creature which appeared to be looking back up at her. It reached into its pocket pulling some strange device from his waistcoat. A waistcoat wearing rabbit? Alice knew she had to be dreaming still and she pressed her wrist to her eyes.

Perhaps she was coming down with a strange sickness that was making her go mad. The Ascot's oldest son had contracted a horrid disease and came home to die in the fits of madness. It was partly the reason that Alice had decided to return back to England with the man, she felt terribly sorry for his loss. He was going to have to train Hamish now as another business partner because of the loss of his influential eldest. Alice had agreed to give the exasperating childhood friend some help and advice she had acquired in her travels with his father. In fact, she was going to meet him in the garden the next morning to review maps and trade routes that Lord Ascot had bought and controlled.

Her eyes were heavy with sleep but she knew that it was again going to evade her this evening as the nightmare had frightened her. She went to light the small candle that sat on her desk but then opened her curtains as wide as they would go letting the light of the full moon illuminate the chamber. It cast an eerie silver glow on her furniture and walls, making things appear not as they should. Alice looked out to the garden and saw the rabbit again. How maddening it was to see the creature and she regretted drinking so much wine at the party last night. Bayne had persuaded her to go back among the guests, she had agreed half heartedly. The rest of the evening was laced with tension and all Alice wanted to do was escape from the propriety around her. She began drinking wine, something she had never done before. She drank lots and lots, to the point where the room started spinning and her stomach felt heavy. She imagined Bayne's horrified look in her face. Her mother had come to the two of them, scolding her for drinking too many glasses. Alice remembered trying to apologize but she couldn't get her tongue to move right. Lady Kingsleigh had brought her up to her room early, putting her straight to bed. Alice had awoken a few hours earlier and vomited, vowing to never again try finding her imagination at the bottom of a bottle. The way she felt was absolutely horrid and she returned to bed with a headache. This was the second time she had awoken this evening and she had a mind numbing pain that raced through her skull to boot. Surely she was still drunk if she saw this silly little rabbit looking up at her curiously. Alice gave a shrug of her shoulders and found herself leaving the room without much thought to it. She ran out the room and down the stairs, her bare feet tickled by the feeling of the soft grass beneath them. The rabbit stood on his hind legs and she realized he was holding a large pocket watch. She laughed at the funny looking creature.

"I really must give up drinking before I even start." She said with a shake of her head. The White Rabbit looked at her with a cocked head and suddenly his mouth opened.

"Alice?" He asked cautiously. She began to laugh. She laughed so hard that tears were streaming down her cheeks and she felt the sudden urge to urinate.

"I really am still dreaming." She said and she pinched herself, not waking up. The White Rabbit shook his head at her, hopping a little closer.

"Alice, do you remember me?" He hopped closer.

"You are the silly white rabbit that always races through my dreams. Perhaps someday I will figure out where you are going to lead me and I will write a wonderful little tale about my journeys." She said and turned back to the house.

"Wait, Alice. You should come back with me,"

"Why ever would I do that?" She halted in her walk back to the house and looked at him. "This is a dream and I don't want to go back to that horrible place that always makes me wake up terrified." She answered; turning back she walked quickly to the house. She went up the stairs and she threw herself on the bed. She had to wake up because this dream was starting to mix with reality. The last thing she wanted to be known for was raving fits of lunacy. She wasn't going to be locked up in the sanatorium like old Aunt Imogene was. She forced her eyes to closed, focusing on her breathing. She would wake up in the morning when the creepy light of the moon was replaced with the warm rays of the sun. She began to count backwards which calmed her mind enough in the past and before she knew it she was back in the Wonderland. Would she never escape this nightmare?

_Her name is Alice (Alice)_

_She crawls into the window_

_Through shapes and shadows_

_Alice (Alice)_

_And even though she's dreaming_

_She's unlocked the meaning_

_(Midnight's bright lights,_

_Marching into the fight._

_Drink me, shrink me,_

_Fill me to sink me.)_

_She's unlocked the meaning for you_

Alice was glad to find that she had awoken the next morning after the last of a strange dream that involved chess pieces and playing cards getting up from the game table to race after each other. She thought it was the oddest thing to dream about and she pushed the ponderings from her mind as she looked at Hamish. He was studying a map of England which was circled and lined with red pen. He shook his head.

"My Father certainly has a lot of territory to keep track of." He said in frustration and lay the map down on the table. They sat at a table in the Ascot's garden, sipping tea. Books were strewn all over the glass table's top, some had even fallen to the cobblestoned path as Hamish tried his best to memorize which business partner ran which part of the company. Alice remembered trying to memorize them herself and all the last names had begun to run together. She looked at Hamish with a forgiving smile and placed a gentle hand on her friend's.

"Don't worry, Hamish, you'll get them straight." She encouraged him and reached up to push the large brimmed hat she wore to remain pale out of her viewpoint. He smiled at her and shook his head, crossing one leg over the other. He placed the map and a chart on the table-like formation crossing them had made his legs and looked down at it fretfully.

"If you succeeded in memorizing this, Alice, you are a patient one indeed." He flashed her a smile then returned to muttering to himself. Alice found that the repetitious babbling sounded like the marching of the knight's feet she had in her dream last night. She looked to the book she was trying to read on stuffy old men that had traveled China's countryside in look for rare goods. The words on the page ran together and she groaned in frustration as her thoughts returned to the dream. It caused Hamish to look up; his bent index finger paused ponderously on his lips, the rest of his fingers curled into his palm. "What is the matter, Miss Kingsleigh?" He asked and adjusted his posture to face her. She shook her head and closed the book in her lap.

"It's nothing really. Just nightmares I've had ever since I was young." She looked up at him and he nodded his head.

"What are they about?"

"Nonsense, really. I always need to be eating this cake that makes me grow and drinking wine that causes me to shrink. I meet strange creatures that dress like proper gentlemen and ladies. I see talking flowers and crying trees. Nothing in them has any meaning."

"Alice, it's just a dream, not a lesson." He responded to her with a reassuring smile. "You always are trying to find the nuance in everything you ever see." He shook his head. Alice gave him a half hearted smile and looked down at her feet.

"I suppose I am," She agreed with him. "But I can't help but think it must mean something if I see the same things over and over again." She looked up and he shrugged.

"Perhaps someday you'll find this Wonderland on earth and then you'll know what it means."

"Oh it's not available on this side of Heaven, Hamish." She answered with a sigh. "I always need to fall down rabbit holes and through looking glasses to get to where it is I go."

"That is rather odd." He nodded his head. "Oh well, Alice, you were one for making unusual entrances. It's most likely anxiety at this wedding to Lord Johnson that is coming up. Speaking of which he owns….no don't tell me….the company that controls the Western part of the English empire." He said to her. She smiled at him and nodded.

"Yes. If it is a dream, be that as it may, I wish I could just make sense out of all the indefinite." She placed her cheek on her hand and looked over at Hamish.

"You, Alice? The little girl who always told me that what it is, it be wouldn't in her own little world of her mind?" He said with a smile.

Perhaps Hamish was right, the dreams would cease once the wedding was over and her anxiety of the planning for it was gone. Only to be replaced with the horridness of the marriage. She frowned inwardly at herself at her little conundrum. But outwardly she smiled up to the old childhood and family friend and laughed in agreement with him over her juvenile proposal. "And what it wouldn't be, it would."

_(And contrary wise, what it is, it wouldn't be._

_And what it wouldn't be, it would, you see?)_


	2. Fell Down a Hole

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Fell Down a Hole" song by Wolfmother

_I wanna be in the Wonderland_  
_I wanna get down in the sand_  
_She's got that magic touch_  
_I don't need to imagine much_

Bayne frowned at Alice as they sat together in the rowboat; he was paddling her around the Ascot's personal lake on the sunny summer's day. Alice was telling him all about her dreams in the other world as they glided through the water through little stories she was making up. She doubted that any of them were true but she enjoyed making some use of the creatures that dwelled in her mind. Bayne seemed to find a few of the stories amusing but the majority of them caused his eyebrows to cross together.

Alice was finishing up a tale about a little mouse that she always saw in her mind and how it was always sleeping in tea cups. Bayne paused mid stroke and set the oars down rather sharply. She looked up in confusion to find him shaking his head.

"What's wrong, Bay? Are you feeling alright?" She asked with a shake of her head and the man shook his.

"Alice, you are twenty one years old, do you not think it is time to give up these little fantasies?" He leaned forward to kiss her. Her lips remained unmoving as he kissed her and he looked into her eyes then down as he pulled away.

"They aren't _fantasies_ , they are _stories_ , Bayne!" She swirled her pointer finger in the water and looked at him.

"Oh, I am sorry dearest Alice. It's hard to tell the difference when you smile at them wider then you smile after I kiss you." He grunted. Alice frowned at him and pulled her hand from the water.

"I don't mean for you to think that I don't appreciate you, Bayne. I do very much! It's just I have all these stories and people floating around my head-"

"Are they the ones that are in your nightmares?" He interrupted impatiently and she nodded her head. "I don't want to hear of them."

"Bayne, I don't know if they will ever go away and if you are going to marry me you are going to have to hear about them!" She said with anger in her voice. Bayne shook his head.

"Alice, please act like a lady! Those stories can be for our children as they struggle to sleep at night but they aren't for the world of adult talk. I thought you would surely know this. You usually have such clever things to discuss and ponder; I fell in love with that on the boat! You kept my moving mind working at its highest potential. You brought a wonder to me that no other girl ever has before." He said and reached forward, taking both her hands in his. "Alice, I feel like there is always something keeping me from you, are they the dreams?" He said and she shook her head.

"What is it then? Alice, you said yes when I proposed to you but I have never heard 'I love you' uttered from your lips." Alice froze. She didn't want to admit things that weren't true to him, she didn't love him. She was marrying him because she needed to survive. She wasn't ever going to live, she admitted to herself, and so she would at least try to leave a mark of some kind in this dull and dreary world.

Her dreams were so much better. Perhaps she should give up the idea of running a business with her husband who would never treat her like an equal and write a book. A book for children that contained all the characters of her whacky dreams. She smiled at the idea and reached down to trail her finger in the water again. She felt blissful in this moment, pondering the beginnings of her book, when Bayne broke her silence again.

"Alice, I really am sorry. I don't mean to get upset with you. You just put me off my head when you talk about a place that doesn't exist. It makes me worry about the state of yours."

"I am fine, Bayne. Truly I am. You shouldn't worry about me so much."

"Most people don't have nightmares about strange places and strange… _things_ …they have never seen before. Yet you are telling me not to worry?"

"It's just my overactive imagination." Alice said to him and looked down at her reflection in the water. "My father said I had a very wild one. I am certain the people I have seen in my dreams exist somewhere; just not to the garish extremes I see them in my mind. They are probably just people I've passed on the street." She looked up at him with a smile. "And I just liked the way their faces were."

"Alice," He said and took her hand. "I really would love if you tried to give up that imagination. Books without words are much more helpful to us now then books with the most gay hearted pictures." He said gently.

"Bayne, I need my imagination, it keeps me living and breathing."

"Then perhaps, Alice, we need to see a doctor." He placed a hand on her cheek and gave her a worried look. "Alice let me be the only reason you live and breathe." Alice looked down at the water again and remained silent.

She didn't want to get into an argument with him, in fact a strong part of her began to believe that maybe he could even be right. She was no longer a child. She was a strong part of a successful merchant business. She was getting married to a man she had met in this business. She wasn't a child any longer. She had already began to make diplomatic decisions about who she was going to marry and spend the rest of her life with! She looked down into the lake fully and saw a woman, who dark blonde hair was pulled back in an intricate pattern and whose eyes were dark and puffy from not getting enough sleep at night. She was indeed a grown woman but her mind still seemed to rebel against this concept.

But another part of Alice argued that if she lost her sense of imagination she would soon lose her sense of conquering the impossible…something that made her even stronger in business. She knew how her fiancé felt but she was still trying to decide herself. She saw Bayne's reflection looking at her in the water and she looked up with a casual smile. He looked at her and smiled even wider. "Please, Alice, tell me a story. I love the way your voice sounds and it seems you've been so awfully quiet around me lately."

"I just have a lot on my mind." She confessed and smiled at him. "Where was I?"

"Some sort of tea party?" He answered her, taking the oars in hand again. An image of a man with intense green eyes and a top hat popped into her head.

"No, that can't be right…" She said and he shook his head.

"You certainly were and you were telling me how this person did something to time?"

"Oh, he killed it I think. He was ludicrous you know." She said gently, a playful smile dancing across her lips.

"He was now? Whatever did he do for his living?"

"He made all types of hats, including the giant top hat that sat upon his head, and he had tea parties all the time. Time you see was angry with him so he always made it 3 o clock so that it was always tea time." She laughed.

"A mad milliner who drinks tea?" He said with a shake of his head. "Only you, Alice, only you." He dipped his oars into the water and gave a strong pull. They floated across the water with ease while Alice told her fiancé of the nonsensical tea party and he listened, trying to hide his worry for her sanity as he rowed the boat.

_She got everything on a string_

_And everything else in between_

_It don't matter which way or how_

_Gonna have to get there somehow_

Alice sat at her desk, ink quill in hand again. But she wasn't writing out intricately detailed wedding invitations. Margaret had taken that task away from her as her excited sister was less than happy that Alice wasn't. Alice was writing her strange book. She wasn't sure what to call it but surely the name would involve something with her nightmares. She had started now because she had just had another one.

It woke her again and she sat for a little bit holding herself in the large empty bed she slept in. She would never be able to survive these terrors with Bayne at her side because she could never bear hearing his disappointment at the continuation of her nightmare. Alice was in the middle of telling a story about a hookah smoking blue caterpillar that was the wisest in all of the land. She wasn't sure what to call him yet so she left a large line where she could insert his name later on in the story when she went back over it. If indeed she did succeed in ever finishing it and she ever did get the courage to send it to a publisher.

A small knock came on her door and Alice was surprised that another being was up at this hour. She got up, pulling her silk black robe closer around her body, and padded over softly to the door. She opened it hesitantly and saw her mother's face. She smiled at Alice and the daughter noticed that her mother was carrying a silver tray with a pot of tea upon it. Alice looked down at it with a smile; she couldn't wait to write the chapter about the mad tea party.

"I thought I could hear the little gears of your brain spinning round my love." She said and winked at Alice. Alice let the door open and her mother came in, setting the tea tray down on her desk. She looked down at the pages that Alice had been penning for the past couple hours. She had started when she got home from her outing with Bayne. "What have you here, Alice?" Her mother said and sat down in the chair absentmindedly, her fingers looking through the papers. Alice's cheeks burned red with embarrassment and she ran to her mother's side. She desperately wanted to take them from her hands but she knew it was no use. Her mother would certainly think she was up to something.

"I am still having nightmares and so I decided I would make a little story about all the impossible things I see in my dreams." She said and turned to her bed. She climbed into the large comforter and sat down. Alice's mother smiled at her and put the pages down. She grabbed a cup of tea for Alice and prepared it for her.

"Sugar?" She asked and Alice shook her head. Her mother placed two cubed lumps in her own tea and took a tea spoon, stirring it slowly. "You know what I think?" She said and childishly licked the tea spoon.

"I know Bayne doesn't approve so I suppose your opinion couldn't do me much worse." Alice admitted and took the black tea her mother offered to her. She took it in her hands, enjoying the warmth that seeped through the china cup. She took a sip and cringed as the water was extremely hot, scalding her tongue a bit. Her mother shook her head then sipped her own tea.

"I think it's positively brilliant. Maybe it can help you think through them and make you forget." She said with a smile. "And then you will be able to get some sleep. You look positively awful these days my love. You appear to be exhausted all the time." She leaned forward and caressed her daughter's cheek slightly. Alice sheepishly looked at her mother and frowned.

"I am tired all the time I just don't know what I am to do about it." She admitted the fatigue was causing her bones to ache now. "But every time I close my eyes, mother, I see that place over and over again. I've always called it Wonderland because it certainly has wonders a plenty."

"Oh, Alice. I wish I knew what to do." Her mother tucked a lock of Alice's hair behind her daughter's ear.

"Bayne thinks I should go to a doctor."

"Whatever for, are you ill?"

"I think he believes me to be in the head." She answered, watching her mother's reaction. Her mother only shook her head and laughed.

"The only thing you are ill with is your father's imagination and ambition." She responded and laughed at Alice. "He had quite the overactive imagination and sometimes it got him into trouble as well." She said with a wink and placed her index finger on Alice's nose.

"I feel absolutely horrid, Mother." She responded and her mother shook her head.

"Oh Alice, why?" She took a sip of her tea and prepared for Alice to answer.

"Mother," Alice looked around herself with slight paranoia before speaking. "I keep seeing a man in my dreams. He has bright green eyes that never seem to fully rest on anything and he had this top hat that he always wears. I think he makes them, hats I mean. A mad milliner. His top hat rests upon wild hair which I believe to be red but I never remember!"

"Why would you feel horrid about seeing a man in your dreams? He's fully clothed isn't he? Or does he walk around in his birthday suit with a hat on?" Her mother smiled at her daughter and sipped her tea. Alice's face turned red and she sipped her tea before she began again. Her jaw wanted to drop but she felt that she would certainly be scolded for having it do so.

"Of course not, Mother! My mind does have modesty." She answered quickly after swallowing her tea. "I feel guilty because there is something about him, in my dreams I mean, that draws me to him. Romantically." She confessed to her mother who shook her head with a laugh.

"Alice, it's only a dream. He doesn't exist."

"I wish he did. Because it doesn't matter how impractical it would be, I would have to get to him some way or another." Alice sipped her tea and refused to look at her mother again. She was so embarrassed for having admitted what she did so far. Alice's mother leaned forward and took one of Alice's hands.

"Your father and I had hoped that you and Margaret would be completely content with the men that you married. Margaret is content but her husband is a…a lack of gentleman. And you, Alice are you marrying merely because you need to?"

"I don't want to be a burden, Mother. And I know that marrying Bayne is a good thing. He is quite successful in the business and he is good looking. I know that I am going to be running out of time soon enough. I don't want to end up like Aunt Imogene." Alice stumbled over her words as they shot out. Her mother's hand went to her face as she reached up to her slightly elevated youngest daughter.

"Alice, you will _never_ be a burden to me. I love you so dearly, you and Margaret both. I just want to see you live the very best life that is possible." Her hand went back to her tea cup and she looked at Alice with a disapproving smile. "But you are also twenty one now and you are making decisions for yourself, I understand that." Her mother returned the tea cup to her tea tray and stood, giving Alice a firm kiss on the crown of her head. "Keep writing your story, my dreamer." She said and faced away to take the tea tray. She went out the door and turned to look at Alice before she left. "I love you, Alice." She said and Alice smiled at her mother.

"I love you as well." Alice responded and her mother shut the door. Alice took a large gulp of her tea, finishing the remaining tea. She placed the cup on her desk and thought about going back to bed. But her impulse to write and her fear of the nightmare had her up and back at the desk, writing more of tale about a world called Wonderland.

_Oh, oh she's got every little thing hanging from a string_  
_Oh she's got every little thing hanging from a string_  
_Oh she's got every little thing hanging from a string_  
_Oh she's got every little thing hanging from a string_

Alice sat in the garden at a table that lay underneath a large canopy. She was writing more of her story which was growing to great lengths and she had been at it for quite the amount of time. Her mind was moving quickly as she took all the characters of her dream world and played them out. She gave them names. There was Ratatin the sleepy mouse. The Red Queen, Elizabath, who ordered everyone killed at the refusal of her simplest whim. She swam in her lake of blood. Then there was Isabella the White Queen who was good but always teetered on the brink of a breakdown. Alice smiled to herself; maybe this story was too intense for little ones. Then there was the matter of the Hatter ( _Have I made a rhyme?_ She thought to herself). He was still nameless and she failed miserably in describing anything other than his intense green eyes and his signature top hat. She sat now, mulling over the character and the perfect thing to call him.

"Alice," A masculine voice called out to her and it caused Alice to look up. Hamish and Bayne were walking along the path of the garden to see her. Bayne walked a few strides ahead and he had called her name. She frowned because she wanted nothing to do with him now. In all reality she just wanted to write her story and be left alone. But Bayne wasn't going to let her have that. She forced a gentle smile upon her lips and acted surprised to see him, which she wasn't. He would annoy her to no end about how she was doing miserably with planning the wedding.

"Bayne, dear heart, why are you here?" She asked and her husband to be chuckled at her.

"I have come to help you choose colors for the wedding; we have been planning this for over a week." He answered and she looked at him wide eyed. _Deuces he is right!_ She cried out in her mind and opened her mouth to apologize. Before she could he took the pages from her hands and she scrambled retrieve them back. He pushed her back with his strong hand and she landed hap hazardously on the metal chair. He began to read the pages, bringing a frown upon his face.

"Bayne…I…"

"Alice, what is this?" He demanded and shoved the papers into Alice's hands.

"My story…"

"Your story, Alice, this isn't a game. I thought you were surely pulling my britches when you were spouting nonsense about a book. Proper women don't write books, they read them to become better women." He said and looked at her with the nod of her head.

"A book, Alice?" Hamish said and picked up the pages.

"Well, I am going to write a book and get it published."

"Impossible, Alice!" Her fiancé laughed and crossed his arms. Alice looked at him in horror and her delicate eyebrows knit as she stood up.

"You are right it is impossible! But I am going to do it because it is so! I am going to be Alice Kingsleigh, story teller extraordinaire."

"No, you are going to be Alice Johnson; loving wife, kind mother, proper lady, sensible woman. Give up these tales." Bayne scolded. "I have put up enough with this juvenile attitude for far too long, Alice! Enough!"

"Alice, this is really quite wonderful." Hamish responded and began reading more intently. "This fine milliner here has no name though."

"Milliner? The Mad One?" Bayne said and looked at Alice. She nodded her head and he sighed. "Alice, I will take this from you. We shall then make sure you won't be writing anymore silly tales about impossible places such as Wonderland."

"My father believed in the impossibl-"

"YOU ARE NOT YOUR FATHER!" Bayne yelled and his face turned a very bright red. "You are no longer going to be a Kingsleigh. You are not going to waste your time and your youth on this stupid notion of a story. You are going to plan a wedding. If only Jesus Christ himself can help you concentrate I will drag him down from Heaven to do so. We are going to get married, Alice. MARRIED. You should be ecstatic. Instead you sit here dreaming of other worlds." He shoved the papers into his side bag and looked at her. "If anything is impossible, Alice, it is you. Grow up." He responded and took her wrist roughly, pulling her to her feet. Hamish shot Alice a sad look as she followed her fiancé down the path. They were heading up to the house to pick out colors for this bloody wedding! She would need to pretend that everything is alright because she was certain she would hear about it plenty later.

 _Could you lend a hand,_  
_Cause people don't understand_  
_She lives on her own_  
_Down in Wonderland_  
_Fell down a hole_  
_To another town_  
_Living underground_  
_Looking for that sound_

Alice sat in the drawing room, reading a book about making a proper pair of pants. It caused her to sigh; she was never going to be any good at making anything. She would be the worst wife in all of England's history and she would have to convert to proper living. She sat uncomfortably in a tight corset that Bayne made sure she wore faithfully and her legs were sweating in her stockings. She sat looking at the fire that was burning and casting a warm glow over the pages in the dreary book. She itched to be writing her story but Bayne had taken all her ideas and what she had worked so hard to form. She didn't want to start afresh, the notion of it made her utterly exhausted. The door to the room opened and she turned to see Bayne as he stood, holding a stack of papers.

"Alice, I am sorry for the way I scolded you earlier." He apologized as he entered the room. Alice watched as he came and sat down next to her. He placed the pages on a table then his head turned to face her. "They are extremely disturbing, Alice, I am not going to sugarcoat anything for you. The imagination you have is terrifying and absurd. I will never know where it comes from and can only hope you don't pass it on to our future little ones. A daughter at the age of twenty one who has yet to grow up would make me turn in my grave." His dark eyes looked at her intently as she felt tears prickling the backs of her green ones.

"My father loved my imagination."

"Oh, my dearest pet, I love it too when it is in the proper form and not on a bunch of pages." He answered motioning the books. "I don't tell you this to upset you or make you into a horrible person. I tell you this because I love you and I don't want to see you rejected from society because you are still acting like a little girl. Alice, give it up, please. I want to see you remain successful and I want to see you become the perfect example of a woman. I know you will inspire thousands of women everywhere with the way you live." He stood and kissed her forehead. "I have business to attend to. I will see you tomorrow at the Ascot's annual summer ball." He said and placed the hat she realized he held in his hands upon his dark hair.

"Oh and Alice," He paused at the door and looked at her. "That Milliner character makes me uncomfortable. The idea of your romantic writing of him makes me utterly ill. I best not hear of him again. He's your imagination, my pet. Don't let yourself be hoodwinked by it." He tipped his hat to her and left.

Alice stood in anger and threw the book she read into the fire in rage. She watched it crinkle and burn, smoke rising from the ashes. She went over to her story and looked at it. She ran a hand over it lovingly and thought of the Hatter she had made up in her refuge. Bayne was right. It was all a trick of her imagination. This thing with a top hat that she couldn't describe anyways was merely green eyes and his head covering. She took the book in her hands, flipping through the pages one more time.

"Grow up? I will grow up, Bayne." She said to herself and turned to the fire. She let loose a primal growl and thrust the pages into the fire. She wouldn't allow herself to think of her Underland again. It kept her from people understanding who she truly was and it kept her living alone. It would continue to do so unless she purged it from her life. Alice stood watching the pages being eaten slowly by the fire, the growing flame lightening her face as she watched her bridge burn.


	3. Seas What We Seas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Seas What We Seas" song by Never Shout Never

_I've got sunshine on a cloudy day_  
_Got a lovely little lamp_  
_Inside my brain_

_I've got you and me_  
_That's a family_  
_Let's sail the seven seas_  
_and see what we see_

Alice sat in the same chair for the entire night, at first just watching her papers burn in the angry fire, her anger smoldering with it. In the morning she decided that Bayne was right. It was time to just give up this child hearted pretending that everything was going to be alright in the end. She was going to start taking responsibility in deciding her future and it was _going_ to be with Bayne. It was such a hopeless thing to even imagine a place of refuge and safety in her brain. If she kept on with this belief she would find that indeed she had gone barmy. She'd be locked up in an asylum, something no respectable gentlewoman such as herself needed. Her ambition and her dreams had long burned with the paper, the loss of them now made her feel empty inside. She surely needed to find something to replace it. Perhaps that is why all the ladies of the aristocracy found parties and fashion bemusing.

Alice gave a loud sigh, knowing that it was time to get up and prepare for the Ascot's ball that was going to be occurring later that evening. She had to choose her outfit for the occasion; something she didn't look forward to in the least because she knew whatever she chose Bayne would find some level of fault in it. He always scolded her for not keeping up with what women in her class wore. After she pulled together some semblance of party dress Alice had to go off and meet Hamish in the garden for another day of teaching the family trade. She still sat in the chair not wanting to arise, when her mother entered the room. She smiled to Alice as she moved to sit down next to her daughter. In doing so she glanced at the fireplace which brought a frown upon her lips.

"Alice, whatever did you burn?" She looked over at the burning ashes. Alice set her lips, trying to ignore the tears of frustration and shame that came to her eyes.

"They are stories from my silly imagination. I needed to get rid of them else they would drive me mad." She answered with determination. Her mother looked over to her quickly, a look of shock upon her face.

"Why, Alice! That is perfectly horrid. Why ever would you do such a thing?" Her mother leaned over to place her hand on Alice's shoulder. The daughter looked over to Mrs. Kingsleigh clearly upset as she shook the hand off.

"Because I need to grow up, I need to be a lady and not a madwoman who dreams of impossible things wishing they would become true." She said thickly. Alice's mother's head shook in disappointment and she moved closer to her daughter so that she could envelop her in a hug.

"Alice, I never want to hear that from your lips." She kissed her daughter on the head. "Your father wasn't too old to dream of impossible adventures."

"I'm NOT my father." She pushed her mother off causing the woman to grasp for her daughter harder.

"Alice, you are more like him than anyone I will ever know-"

"Well then that is a very terrible thing mother. I am going to be married and the man that I have chosen has asked me to move on from my fantasies. I'm done mother. I'm done chasing stupid little white rabbits in waistcoats who scream on and on about being late. Or seeing hookah smoking caterpillars blow smoke in my face so rudely. I've enough with queens who insist on picking a color to adorn everything in. I tire of silly little boys that speak in opposites and mice that sleep in tea cups."

The next sentence would kill her because she longed to feel the strange one's embrace, to have her whisper his madness into her ear. But it was all a dream and nothing more so with anger brought to its peak she stood forcefully and turned to her mother. "And I never want to see that man with big green eyes and a silly large top hat upon his head. I do not want to fall in love with someone who doesn't even exist." Her mother looked up at her from the chair.

"Oh, Alice." Was all that managed to slip from her astounded lips. Alice glanced down to her mother, her insides churning.

She really didn't want to forget everything she had. All these characters were her family inside of her brain. But if she accepted this she surely would be put into the crazy bin and that would be the end of Alice Kingsleigh. She'd die alone because everyone she put her trust in were merely figments of her imagination. She glanced to the fireplace now and grabbed her stomach, which heaved. She didn't fail to do what she always did in these predicaments. Alice turned and fled out of the room, up the stairs, straight into her bedroom. She didn't forget to slam the door shut before thrusting herself on the large bed, crying into the quilt.

_'Cause life is silly_  
_if you see like me_  
_So please_  
_Don't take life so seriously_

Alice sat across from Hamish again in the garden. He seemed entirely distracted today and she was so very focused. The world had indeed turned upside down. Her eyes rose from the book she was concentrating on once again to find him staring at her.

"Hamish, honestly, whatever is the matter?" She said in frustration, growing tired of all the staring and none of the reasons.

"Alice, you burned the book?"

"Indeed I did. I am going to be a proper gentlewoman now." She looked down to the words on the pages again.

"That is the worst idea ever, Alice. I don't understand why you would do such a thing like that, it's just so…so…"

"Bayne told me to grow up. I thought about it and sense finally came upon me." She answered nonchalantly. She wanted to get back to the pages in her book about biology. They were explaining in rather boring detail the lessons of the human stomach and all the things that ailed it.

"Bayne told you that?" Hamish asked, leaning forward in the chair to stare even more intently at her. She sighed, closing her book and placing it on the table.

"Are you trying to eat my soul with that stare, Lord Ascot?" She asked in frustration and he sat upright as if he just realized that he had gotten so close.

"I'm sorry Alice, but it's so unlike you. I am not sure I am growing fond of this Lord Johnson. He's changed everything about you that made you so odd."

"Why thank you Hamish for not liking the fact that I have completely loony ways." She answered sarcastically. Hamish shook his head.

"No, no, no, Alice. I liked them. They always made you something that I wanted to be. I can't even fathom being able to look up at the sky and imagine flying. Because it's not going to happen. But your brain doesn't need that logic. It's almost as if it belongs in another world."

"Don't get me started on that…" Alice said with disgust.

"Please do not be upset with me Alice. I just am not agreeing with Bayne. He shouldn't change you to fit this society. I fear that if you changed, Alice, you would die. You wouldn't be Alice, you merely be a body with nothing left in it." He shook his head. "Now I am sounding like the old you." A smile wrapped across his lips. Alice found none of this amusing. "Alice, stop being so serious, you were a better woman in my eyes when you weren't. No matter how silly that sounds." Alice was growing upset and her stomach was knotting up tightly. She felt like she was going to vomit all over the table so she stood.

"I think I must be going. Hamish, I will have to see you later."

"Wait, Alice," He stood and embraced her like an old friend. "I am sorry; I really didn't mean to upset you. I just want the old you back."

"The old Alice is dead, Hamish. I am not Alice Kingsleigh anymore, I am Alice Johnson."

"Not yet." Hamish answered her with the shake of his head. She turned from him now to return to her house. Her world was spinning, nothing seemed right anymore. Alice found that she was now running, something in the bushes seemed to be keeping up with her too. It was a white rabbit, in a waistcoat. _I really have gone mad_. She thought to herself. The rabbit seemed to have more joy in its run now that Alice was running with it. She watched as it darted out in front of her, heading toward the woods that joined four of the estates. She ignored the rabbit and ran to the west, toward her house. She wasn't going to be chasing dream rabbits today, she knew she'd just fall down in the end and hit her head.

_Because life is so hard to explain_  
_I've got chemicals swirls_  
_In my brain_

_I've got you and me_  
_That's a family_  
_Let's sail the seven seas_  
_And see what we see_

_'Cause life is silly_  
_If you see like me_  
_So let's play pretend_  
_And make believe_

Alice didn't feel much better even later as she strode down the stairs in a light pink ball gown that would have made any man blush. It wasn't the most perfect color for her pale skin, it made her appear washed out. She had shrugged it off because Bayne always said she should look white as possible proving she wasn't a servant out in the sun.

Alice went to the bottom of the stairs and entered the sitting room, surprised to see Aunt Imogene sitting on one of the long couches. She had her usual walking stick, which she crossed her two hands over. She sat at an angle, looking out the window with her signature faraway stare. Alice crept closer to the woman, she was dressed all in grey and brown, looking hideous and dishelved as always. Alice's heart raced as she considered her future to be much the same way if she didn't cast off the dreaming. She reached her aunt and sat next to her gently, placing a light hand on her shoulder. This caused Imogene to spin to see whoever could be touching her.

"Oh, Alice, I finally thought you were my prince."

"Aunt Imogene, I have already told you there isn't one." She reached out and took the older woman's hand. Imogene shook her graying hair and smiled.

"Alice, I know there is one! That is why I haven't taken your advice. Sometimes you have to keep believing in things that seem absolutely impossible." She pinched Alice's cheek. "I would have thought my brother taught you that when you were a young girl."

"He did, Aunt Imogene, but it doesn't work."

"Alice, give it time."

"I don't have time. Bayne and I are going to get married in a matter of weeks and there isn't time to be wasted on silly little worlds that don't exist." She sighed in exasperation at her tiring aunt.

"Alice, dear. You need to see life as you once did. It's a silly adventure we are all on and the best way to cope it to imagine our dreams are going to happen."

"I don't want to cope, I just want to…live." She said with a shake of her head. It caused her to look down at her hands in shame as she realized she truly wasn't going to live. Hamish had been right, Bayne had changed her. Whether it was for the better or the worse only time would tell. She grabbed her aunt's old hand. "I'm sorry, Aunt Imogene. I didn't mean to yell or get upset with you."

"Oh Alice, don't let them change you as well." She reached out and stroked her niece's soft cheek. Alice worriedly looked to her aunt, placing her hand upon her older hand.

"Imogene, I am doing this for the better." She whispered. Aunt Imogene's eyes widened in fear at Alice's statement.

"No, no Alice. That is not for the better. You have a mind that knows things that others can't possibly." She gripped Alice's hands in her own. "You have been to places that I once knew. Rabbits come and go in this world sweetheart, few actually have the courage to follow them."

"What do you mean rabbits?" Alice pulled away from her aunt as she questioned her.

"Your little white one you kept pestering me about on your engagement day to Hamish." She said with frailty in her voice. "I couldn't help you, Alice. It was your rabbit to chase, not mine."

"Aunt Imogene, you've had dreams of the rabbit and lands where animals talked?" Alice leaned forward as she inquired the older woman.

"But of course child, I didn't _dream_ of them, Alice. I _followed_ one. Just as you did. Of course I have a feeling it wasn't the first time."

"You're mad." Alice stood up as she shook her head.

"Alice-" She reached out. "Don't forget Underland! If you go back there, if your rabbit returns, please follow him home. Don't make the mistake like I did as a foolish young girl hoping that my Prince, my Knave would come back to me."

Alice's eyes widened as she backed away from her aunt. "I don't know what you're talking about, Aunt Imogene. I swear on my life that I do not know any rabbits or knaves or…or…" Alice's head was spinning and when she closed her eyes trying to orient herself all she could see was large green eyes that smiled at her and a top hat. Alice screamed in frustration, startling Aunt Imogene as well as herself.

" _I've gone mad_." The young blonde began to cry. "I have lost my mind, just as you have, you….you….I…I can't think anymore." She began to sob harder as her mother came into the room to gather her aunt.

"Alice, what's the matter?" She asked as she looked at her upset daughter. Aunt Imogene rested her cheek on the hands that lay atop the walking stick.

"Alice thinks she's gone mad. I saw rabbits and creatures myself once." She said with a smile. Mrs. Kingsleigh looked to her sister-in-law and then to Alice.

"Oh sweetheart," She raced to Alice's side and drew her up in her arms. She kissed her daughter's hair and hushed her, rocking her like she did when Alice was little. "Oh, my dreamer, you are not mad. You are just like the Kingsleighs. You play pretend and make believe to the point where it begins to mesh with reality. Oh my dear, you did it all the time as a child."

Alice remembered her silly talks with Dinah's kittens. How she and Margaret could be queens and kings, her sister promptly pointing out that they could not be kings and queens because there was only two of them. Alice began to take breaths. Yes, yes this white rabbit was part of a make believe game. She must be remembering it because of all the stress and planning that was going on. Alice hugged her mother tightly as her tears slowed. She looked a wreck now, no doubt, and they were already running late. Her mother kissed her cheek. "Are you all better my little Alice?" She murmured.

"Yes, yes I am alright." She said, nodding her head. She would be anyways as soon as this silly marriage was over. "Let's just go to silly party. I think Bayne would much prefer me a mess rather than late." She answered and her mother nodded, looking warily to Imogene. The aunt rose and came to Alice's side.

"Sorry, duck. I didn't want to upset you. Truly I didn't." Aunt Imogene said sincerely. Alice brought the woman into the hug before they were to leave for the carriage. Her mother broke the embrace first muttering about needing to grab her fine hat. Imogene gave Alice a peck on the cheek, smiling at her.

"It's alright, Aunt Imogene." She said with a smile in return.

"But, Alice," The woman said before letting go of her niece. "Rabbits are still real, if you chase one you will certainly fall." Alice looked at her in alarm before pushing away from her aunt to grab her shawl.

_'Cause life is just a melody_  
_So why don't all the pissy people_  
_Go ahead and sing it with me_  
_Everybody sing it with me_

_Life is just a melody_  
_So why don't all the pissy people_  
_Go ahead and sing it with me_

Alice was sitting at one of the lighted tables that illuminated the yard of the Ascot's. Bayne had taken her through a couple of the dances and she was quite tired of them. He danced with her so tightly she found it hard to breath. He moved so quickly she always got her feet stepped on. Alice sighed as she thought of what her Aunt said to her. Rabbits. She was growing sick of them, the white one had appeared again at the gate this evening. His white body glowing in the moonlight except for a large patch where one was certain to find a waistcoat. Alice shook her head again as she watched Bayne twirl a ravishing French parliament's daughter around the floor. She moved with the grace and ease that the blonde girl only longed for. Alice was stuck sitting at the table with no one to talk to. Not that she minded too much. Most of these parties were merely places to argue politics and exchange gossip. They weren't any fun. Alice would have loved to go to a party where fun was celebrated. She would find the perfect man who would dance with her, knowing her body so very well he would. They would make everyone jealous on the as they danced together. And he would have green eyes. She smiled to herself as she dreamed the little dream. At this dance Alice would realize that life was too short to be angry with people all the time. That all the people with their problems needed to let go of them, casting their cares to the wind. She smiled at this wonderful thought as Bayne came over to her.

"Alice, what little secret have you for me."

"I was just thinking….of a place where people could cast away their cares and dance for hours and…" Bayne pulled her up suddenly, roughly grabbing her arm. "Ow, Bayne, that really hurts." He continued to pull her through the garden only stopping when they'd hidden behind a bush. His hand came hard upon her face with a sound smack. Alice fell to the ground with surprise.

"Alice! I literally need to smack sense into you don't I?" He asked angrily. He knelt before her and she coward, waiting for another blow. "I'm not going to touch you again. You've learned your lesson for now, haven't you?" He asked.

"I'm sorry Bayne, my imagination always seems to get the best of me and-"

"I'll always be here to get the best of it, Alice. Spare the rod, spoil the child can apply to wives as well, I believe. We'll have you sorted our right though won't we love?" He helped her up and roughly kissed her cheek, leading her out to the party once again. He was greeted by several gentlemen who were asking him about new laws that were implemented on trading companies. Alice moved away from him quickly. She lost herself among the chatting ladies as she stole away to the other side of the garden. Her upper lip hurt greatly, she touched it gingerly as she reached the far corner. Red blood seeped into her skin and she looked at it horrified. He had indeed made her bleed. She certainly would need to keep her imagination and insanity under control. She glanced over and saw a white rabbit which shook its head. Or….Alice shook her head at the idea but her feet wanted her to move. She looked at the white rabbit who, was that a smile truly?, grinned at her. He beckoned her closer and Alice complied. Her feet began to move. She was chasing her white rabbit.


	4. White Rabbit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "White Rabbit" song by Jefferson Airplanes, covered by Grace Potter & The Nocturnals

_One pill makes you larger_  
_And one pill makes you small_  
_And the ones that mother gives you_  
_Don't do anything at all_  
_Go ask Alice_  
_When she's ten feet tall_

Alice ran and ran that night. She could see the little tail of the white rabbit bouncing up and down in the moonlight. He was growing so much harder to see in the shadows of the trees as she ran through them. She was going _absolutely mad_! She was now chasing her allusion, running after it as if her life depended on it. The rabbit almost appeared to glance back at her which she also knew was another lunatic idea.

There was no way a rabbit was going to glance back at her. It was a stupid creature, incapable of thought or action other than running and eating. But ran she did, her legs began to ache and her heart was pounding as it never had before in her life. The woods smelled alive with new life and hope in the hot July evening.

Alice wasn't sure how far the little creature would go, she had already followed it at significant speeds across the Ascot's estate, she was now reaching the tree that would represent the twining of three other estates with that one. She spied the fat, crooked tree that marked the joining of the properties and she no longer could spot the white rabbit. This infernal tree. This is the one that she always fell into and hit her head. She had done it twice already. She carefully clung to the trunk as she leaned over to peer down the large hole the rabbit had scurried down. Alice leaned closer, swearing she could hear the ticking of a clock, to try to find the little creature amongst the dirt when all of a sudden she lost her balance. The feeling of losing her grip made her stomach churn. She had slipped and watched in a slow horror as the lip of the rabbit hole slid past her. "NO!" Alice cried in horror as she saw the bottom of the hole was far from where she had begun to fall.

She fell faster and faster, head over heels, down the dirt walls of the entrance. Things began to fly by her: old clocks that ticked loudly, portraits of strange people, eventually she crashed through a bookshelf that would later leave a nasty bruise in her side. She groped for vines or even strings hoping she could catch something, but her hands failed her. Her momentum increased as she tumbled down; her hair flying behind her and her skirts blew up to her waist as they were licked by the air. Alice gasped in terror as the world around her seemed to blur together, she couldn't tell what she was passing anymore.

Suddenly her legs hit a bottom of sorts and she crashed through the ceiling…or rather the floor? She realized as she sat upright. Indeed she had crashed through the black and white checkered floor she now looked down upon as she fell from the domed ceiling, crashing chest first into the tile.

She looked up, very much confused. She remembered this, perhaps? She had certainly written about it in her dreams. She was in a room with many doors; a table should be at the center. A glance to her left confirmed her hypothesis. Then there would be a big shiny key upon that table. To her amazement, as Alice stood from the floor and looked up, a large brass key was visible through the glass tabletop. She shook her head.

"Curiouser and Curiouser." She muttered to herself. She must have hit her head on the bottom of the rabbit hole again.

She was asleep in one of her crazy nightmares, she would soon wake up and she would drag herself out of the hole to return to the party, with much humiliation at her distressed state. She looked down at her ruined dress with a frown. Bayne's mother had paid a good deal of money for the silks used to make the midnight blue dress. The corset she wore was certainly torn, bits of its skeleton was poking into her ribs. And the skirt of her dress was torn and ragged, as if some animal had gotten at it.

She sighed realizing she might as well start travelling through her dream until she woke up. _There will be a door_. She thought to herself, glancing to her left. There indeed was a door. _And it shall be locked._ Indeed the door was locked; she tested it with a firm tug. She needed to get the key from way up high, but however was she to do that? She sighed in frustration then remembered something about a pastry. She knew she wasn't to be a glutton with the cake. But wherever was it? A movement of her head to the right had her eyes on a little box. She went forward, looking through the glass at a white cake the size of a deck of cards. _Eat Me_ , it beckoned and so Alice did, taking a small nibble of the cake. Up she went. She had only had this rush of feeling when her father had tossed her in the air as a young girl, encouraging her to dream of flying. Alice was satisfied to see that with only a nibble of the cake the table now stood at her waist height. She smiled triumphantly, taking the key in her hand.

 _Now as for the wine_. She thought to herself and reached for the bottle of mysterious liquid. She uncapped it, putting the cool glass to her lips. It was the most foul of tastes she decided as she took a small swig. But it sent her down to the floor once again. The feeling was like falling again, but not as severe at the tumble down the rabbit hole. She held the key in her hand. Nothing in her world could ever make her feel like this that was for certain. Her mind had indeed failed her as it thought of things that were extremely improbable. A nibble to make you grow, a swig to make you small. Perhaps they had pills here to make her heartache and confusion go away. Alice shook her head. Of course they would be of no use. This was a dream! She needed to remember that.

Alice was about to slip the lock in the key when her cheeks turned bright red. She had almost forgotten that she was utterly naked right now, having slid out of her dress. She clutched her hands over her breasts as she quickly returned to the dress and undergarment that lay on the floor. She pulled the white petticoat from beneath the dress, wrapping it around her and tying it intricately with the ties that held it to her body. Once Alice was assured that her body was properly clothed and that nothing indecent would be seen about her she returned to the door again. She had left the key in the lock and she placed her left fingers around it, her right ones curling around the handle of the door. She pressed her forehead to the door in thought and encouraged herself.

"We need only wait to wake up. We always do." She whispered to herself and put more pressure on the key. It turned, the echoing of the tumblers of the lock filling the empty hall. With a sharp inhale she turned the door knob and a flick of the wrist sent the door flying open. She looked out in amazement upon the garden that lay before her. Here she was again, chasing rabbits and getting caught in nightmares.

_And if you go chasing rabbits_  
_And you know you're going to fall_  
_Tell 'em a hookah smoking caterpillar_  
_Has given you the call_  
_Call Alice_  
_When she was just small_

Alice scolded herself for following the stupid creature and even leaning over the hole. She had ventured out into the wild territory of her vivid dream. The colors were so much more extravagant in this wonderland of her head. She should have known something bad was going to happen if she had indeed ran after the stupid white creature.

But she was here now, in the dream, and she needed to keep proceeding forward until she was able to awake. She remembered a strange garden that most certainly would be ahead in the distance. She carefully proceeded down stone steps into tall grass. She was so small right now. A curious thing as well because she always remembered being just right for the size of room she had just left when she first fell. But she started off so very little this time around in her dream. Alice didn't allow her mind to focus on the little detail but instead went through the tall blades of grass. The gate entrance was near here, she agreed with herself. Alice took another couple paces and indeed found the gate. But to her horror it was closed and she went forward to try opening the gates. To her disappointment they were locked firmly, groaning as Alice pulled with all her little might to open them. Why was the garden closed? That made very little sense to what she remembered. She looked to her left, then to her right noticing that the fence made its way quite a far distance down both sides. She could certainly follow it down one side to look for a small break in the gate. She was so very small the size she was, there was no way she couldn't squeeze through even the tiniest of cracks. Alice sighed as she tried to decide which way could possibly lead her in the right direction.

"I think you might want to choose that one, dearie." Something whispered beyond the gate. Alice looked forward, startled that something was talking to her. She pressed herself against the gate to try to get a glimpse of the body the voice belonged to. All she saw was a nice bed of flowers. Now she was even losing her head in her dream. "Over here," The voice said again. Alice turned her head to her left, the face of a purple violet looked back. She gave a small cry, falling backwards in her shock.

"You…you're….you are a fl..!" She was startled. The violet chuckled at her. The woman regained her balance, scolding herself. This dream had other crazy creatures before; talking violets should only be the least of her worries.

"Of course, you silly! I'm not a little weed like you." The violet smiled like only a flower can smile.

"I missed the way in which you were pointing me." Alice said gently, once again pressing her body against the gate. The violet leaned toward the left.

"If'n you go that way, little weed, you will find the way into the garden." It whispered. Alice smiled at the flower.

"Thank you very much. I am not a weed though."

"Of course you are. You are small and ugly, you must be a weed. You don't even have proper petals!" the small flower laughed and Alice sighed. Now her dream was even mocking her. Alice stepped away from the gate with a sigh and turned to go her way when the flower called her back. Alice turned to look at her with a horrid look on her face. "What do they call weeds like you?"

"They call them ill behaved and gone, that is what they call them." Alice retorted. The flower shook her petals roughly as if she had tasted something she didn't like.

"You look an awful lot like the Alice weed. Them are good weeds. Them are dreamers and slayers and we miss our Alice weed." The flower lamented. Alice's jaw dropped at the flower but she shook her head. She was going to walk away from this nonsense. It seemed as if her dream wanted her in but wanted her out. Which was preposterous; dreams can't have desires! So with determination, Alice set out for her left, searching this way and that for a hole to wriggle through. The flower spoke louder of her Alice weed that needed to come back, but Alice was too frustrated to care.

_When men on the chessboard_  
_Get up and tell you where to go_  
_And you've just had some kind of mushroom_  
_And your mind is moving low_  
_Go ask Alice_  
_I think she'll know_

Alice traveled along down the road searching desperately for a hole that her tiny self could climb through to enter the garden. She marveled at all the strange creatures her mind was very able to make up. Flowers that called her name, trees so rich in color that Alice was certain that she could not even understand their colors in real life. She smiled as she finally saw a house in the distance, glad that at least she would most likely be able to find rest. She went to the door and knocked. A butler (or a frog, she truly didn't know) came to stand next to her. His large yellow marbled eyes blinked at her.

"I don't suppose it's quite logical for you to go knocking on the door." He suddenly said, causing Alice to jump back. He had indeed startled her.

"Please, all I need is some rest." She turned to him. "And I just need a way into the garden. Do you suppose the person who is in this house can help me?"

"I don't like supposing. Because then however am I to know if I am supposing right or supposing wrong. I can say that if you go through the Duchess' back door you may indeed find yourself in the garden." He croaked, cocking his head to look at her.

"However am I to get in if you will not permit me?" She asked and the frog seemed to ponder this.

"Well I suppose you could just open the door there, Miss. I really could care less how you are to get in or not. "

"I am going to very much do that, even if it is _extremely_ rude." She huffed as her hand went to the door knob.

"Have you been here…before?" The frog croaked and Alice shook her head.

"Perhaps a thousand and one times. I constantly live in my brain, do I not?"

"You are a most illogical girl." The frog said, plopping his rear firmly on the chair.

"I am proving this more and more to myself the longer I stay in here." She muttered and opened the door.

The room smelled like old pepper and she heard the most horrendous weeping echoing off the walls. She looked around the small foyer as she walked down the hall. She entered a kitchen where a very ugly and a very old lady sat. She was dressed in garish aristocratic clothes, her withered hand held a handkerchief.

"I try very hard to raise children that will not become swine. But they always seem to turn into the wretched little horrors." She cried. "It's all afor the pepper that cook always tossed around." She wept harder.

Alice shook her head. What in her mind was going on? She came closer to the very ugly woman. She hadn't seen this character in her mind for years. What was it she had? Alice's memory only became a more dense fog as she tried to remember.

"What are you tears for?" Alice said and the woman looked up.

"I tried my very best, deary, I really did. I only wanted to see him grow up to have a long and fantastic life. But again they only turn into tomorrow's dinner." She cried all over again and Alice had to pat her knee to get her to talk again. "They always turn into little green raths that run all over my wonderful garden."

"Yes! A garden. Excuse me, my name is Alice." Alice said, trying to care about the matron's tears. "I need to get into that garden there." She requested, looking up to the tall woman. "And, if you pardon my asking, what is a rath?"

"You are a rather small child to be name Alice. Alice is a great name. And certainly she would know what a rath is! Those pesky little pigs in the garden that you best be wary of." The lady harrumphed. "But I suppose if you need to enter the garden, perhaps I can help you." She tapped her crooked finger on her crusty lips. "Yes, perhaps I can."

"Oh that would most certainly be wonderful."

"Tell me, though, dearest. Have you seen a white rabbit? He used to work for me before the silly revolution to over throw Iracebeth. I really could use him back. For what if Mirana would like to request my presence at her croquet match? Though, I suppose she isn't very much like her sister so she isn't very much going to be having a good deal of croquet matches. If any…" She trailed off into thought. Alice had to clear her throat rather rudely in order for the woman to pay her any attention again.

"Please, Madame. The garden."

"I am a Duchess! I am no mere madam!" She stamped her foot in disgust.

"I am so sorry, Duchess. I just need to get to the garden. You see the White Rabbit that you are speaking of certainly is in there. And if I can just follow him far enough I know I will wake up!"

"Oh, right." She sighed. "I certainly do miss the company around here though. Are you certain that you do not want to stay with me for a bit? I am assured you will have the grandest of times."

"Oh but really I must be going!" Alice declared. The Duchess grabbed her shoulder before she went off.

"You really are quite small to be wandering through that garden like that." She said, reaching into her pocket. Her hand had two mushroom pieces in her hand when she pulled it out again. Alice looked upon them curiously as the woman offered them forward. "Go out into the garden and find a mushroom. Eating one will make you taller!"

"They all do?"

"Oh, but of course not silly! Others can make you smaller!" She said with a laugh and a wink, placing it in her pocket. "Now go off for a bit, I really must concentrate on what Mirana would invite me to play in her court."

"But the garden!-"

"Go out the back door. And don't shout, dear. It makes you look awfully horrid." She commented, resting her back against the table her bench was in front of. Alice sighed as she headed for the backdoor. Quickly, before another creature could stop her, she grabbed the door knob. She flung the door open and found herself looking straight into the garden. Finally she was back on track to waking up. _I wish I could now._ Alice thought to herself before taking her first footstep out into the saturated flower patch.

_When logic and proportion_  
_Have fallen sloppy dead_  
_And the White Knight is talking backwards_  
_And the Red Queen's "off with her head!"_  
_Remember what the dormouse said:_  
_"Feed your head_  
_Feed your head_  
_Feed your head"_


	5. The Technicolor Phase

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "The Technicolor Phase" song by Owl City

_I am the red in the rose, the flowers_  
_on the blankets on your bedroom floor._  
_And I am the gray in the ghost that hides_  
_with your clothes behind your closet door._

_I am the green in the grass that bends back_  
_from underneath your feet._  
_And I am the blue in your back alley view_  
_where the horizon and the rooftops meet._

Alice wandered slowly through the door, glancing this way and that. She didn't remember going through a Duchess' house, but she had been having these dreams for so very long that is was quite possible and probable that she had.

Looking first to her left, then to her right Alice was only taken more aback by the world her mind had created. The flowers were the most brilliant and bright she had ever seen. They chatted to each other and Alice heard them talking about some unfortunate weed that had stumbled around the garden.

Of course these nosey flowers _would_ talk about her! She shook her head, stumbling around mushrooms. _Mushrooms!_ They had been all through her dream! They had made her grow big with one side, so much so that she had been taller than a tree. But the other side made her so very small like that nasty drink she had to take in the room filled with doors. Oh, but which mushrooms to take! She was trying to decide as she looked at the variously colored fungi. Some were purple with white spots, other a blood red color with yellow spots. How had she ever decided before? All she wanted was to grow to her proper size in this dream.

It was her mind, she realized after pausing in her steps to ponder what to do next. It was in her brain that held the answers to what she needed to do. She lay down in the long grass that was soft against her pale skin. She smiled and closed her eyes as she imagined being a young girl again. When her sister had read her that dull history book about England and she had fallen asleep. The first time she had come to this Wonderland. She smiled up to the sun that gently kissed her nose as she thought about why she had even thought of this place as a young child. After all she was very happy in her home, her father was always inspiring her to believe the things that were so hard to.

She missed her father dearly. He had the answers the tough questions that she could never answer on her own. He would say that he didn't answer her questions for her, he merely helped her find the path to finding them. She missed her path finder. He would scold her for marrying Bayne and agreeing to a horrid union that would squelch every idea of imagination in her mind. It brought light tears to Alice's green eyes as she reminisced on her times with her father. They were so very much alike, as everyone had told her. Especially of late. But she wanted to deny that she was anything like him, she was making decisions that he would never have even taken the time to consider.

"Why, if he were here," Alice began to speak aloud as she looked at the clouds in the deep blue sky. "He would say, 'Dearest Dreamer of my Heart, why ever would you consider marrying such a stuffy man. Does he ever look beyond the map in front of him to look for things that are not yet discovered?'" She sat up in the grass, brushing dirt from the sides of her dress skirt. She clambered to her feet and began to wander through the garden again.

"To which I would have to reply 'But Father, I just don't want to see mother take care of me for the rest of her life. I know my face will not always remain this beautiful. I know that I don't want to end up like Aunt Imogene.'" She made a stern face, as she wandered down the path of the garden further, not quite paying attention to where she was going.

"'So you would forsake your happiness to make sure that others who have lived their lives (and lived them quite well, might I add) are content with you?' Of course I'd feel like a stupid, silly little girl."

"But aren't you?" A voice came from the horizon. Alice spun as she tried to identify where the voice was coming from.

"Where are you?"

"Where the horizon and the rooftops meet." The voice said with a cough. Alice saw a movement atop a mushroom before her. It was a rather large mushroom and she wasn't quite sure how she was going to be able to scale it. But she took her first step forward.

"It's only a dream." She scolded herself, this was just the next decision and the next path into it. She took a deep breath and her fingers dug into the soft skin into the fungus as she began her ascent.

_(I will always be your keys_  
_when we are lost in the technicolor phase)_

_The black in the book_  
_the letters on the pages that you memorize._  
_And I am the orange in the overcast_  
_of color that you visualize._

_I am the white in the walls that soak up_  
_all the sound when you cannot sleep._  
_And I am the peach in the starfish on the beach_  
_that wish the harbor wasn't quite so deep._

Alice's climb was not an easy one. Her stockinged feet slipped on the side of the mushroom, her big toe that stuck out from a large hole in the front of them seemed to be the only hope she had of actually getting up the plant. She struggled as she magically managed to finally get over the mushroom's head. Collapsing in a heaving pant, Alice looked up to see a butterfly smoking a rather large looking hookah. "This isn't right," Alice began. "Who are you?"

"I believe that is the question I should be asking you." He said, blowing smoke her way. Alice waved her hand in front of her face as she pushed the smoke away from her nostrils.

"But there was a _caterpillar_ upon this mushroom the last time I dreamed this dream."

"A dream? Really, stupid girl? You believe this all to be in your imagination?" She was bothered by the way he spoke with the most apathetic tone she had heard. He words indicated that he was frustrated with her but his face was one that Bayne wore in his poker matches.

"You should know, you smarty pants of an insect. Always giving me advice! Giving me a headache in my dreams I should think." She stood to her feet, her hips tilting forward, and her hands bending at the wrists that she placed on her skirted waist. "I do remember bits of you and your horrid smoke now. And just for your information. I am Alice Kingsley. I am from England. And I have a mother and a sister and a horrid brother in law."

"You aren't Alice. You are hardly Alice. If even you are that." She said looking at her incredulously through his monocle. Alice steamed with anger.

"I AM Alice!" She shook her head. "But we don't need to spend time arguing over facts that I know. If you wish not to believe me I see how it is no concern of mine. You will merely only come back on the worst nights of the dreams and you will make my head spin with your disgusting habit." She indicated at the hookah. "I shall still remain Alice." The caterpillar shook his head.

"Tarrant is not going to be happy to see this." He said glaring down at her as he took a puff from the end of his pipe.

"I don't even know who that is. Now, sir, if you wish to be kind, I should very much like to know which side of which mushroom I should eat."

"And why ever would you want to do that, you stupid girl?" He asked with a laugh and Alice shook her blonde curls as her face grew hot and red.

"Because I am tired of being smaller than I ought to be!" She cried out.

"You are not only a stupid little girl, but you are a very rude one."

"I am not a little girl! I am a woman. I am twenty one years old and I am going to be married in two months time! I need to wake up from that stupid dream before then though. I have fallen down a rabbit hole once again chasing a stupid white creature and have hit my head quite terribly. I have no doubt I will wake up with an awful headache."

"But if you wake up and I am only here in the darkest of your nightmares, why ought I care about that? Why should I give you any mushroom? You appear to be a very ungrateful and very spoiled creature. I should give no care if you fell on your face and gave yourself quite the bruise upon your cheek." He said, and then took another drag. Alice's hand flew to her cheek in dismay. She was certain this bruise was not from falling down the rabbit hole. It no doubt was the shape of a hand.

"Never mind that, Mister Caterpillar. Please, just tell me what mushroom I should eat to grow big again." She curtsied to him for good measure. The caterpillar shook his head and laughed.

"Alice, this is the mushroom you should eat from."

"Yes but which side."

"If I told you that, it would be making the journey much too easy for you!" He placed the mouth end of his pipe upon the mushroom. Then he fluttered his wings. "A journey that will hopefully bring back your muchness yet again. Fairfarren stupid girl." He fluttered a little harder and took off into the blue sky. Alice shook her fists at her side in anger as she watched the butterfly go.

"I am not a stupid girl, I am Alice!" She cried out at the sky.

It was becoming an orange color now as the sun was setting. This was strange, her dream never seemed to move so fast as it had now. She crumpled to her lowest on the mushroom, tears ramming her eyes again. She just wanted to wake up again or at least find those green eyes that always comforted her when she awoke in sweat from her insane dreams. They kept her company as she tried her best to sleep and couldn't.

Alice took a piece of the mushroom she was closest too. She took a deep breath and prayed that this was the right side. She hated that all the creatures here seemed to be intent on making her life more difficult than it really needed to be! Why couldn't they just give her a straight answer? She felt so far removed from any harbor of safety. She took the peach colored mushroom in her white hand and brought it to her ruby lips. She paused before sinking her pearly white teeth into the mushroom. Closing her eyes, Alice tried to discern before she looked which way she had traveled now, hoping she hadn't blinked herself out like a candle.

_If you cut me I suppose I would bleed the colors_  
_of the evening stars. (my darling)_  
_You can go anywhere you wish cause I'll be there, wherever you are. (my darling)_

Alice indeed had returned to her proper size as she opened her eyes. The mushroom she had taken a bite of now reached to her lower calf. She exhaled in relief and began to continue forward through the land. She smiled as she now saw things at the proper height. The flowers looked up at her shocked that she had appeared from nowhere. From this height, the Duchess' house did not appear as far as it had when Alice wandered earlier. But the sky was still orange and fading. It would soon be dark, she didn't doubt.

Alice didn't feel very tired, even though she had experienced much since she had first appeared in this dream world. Did she need to sleep in her dreams? The several times she had experienced days like this she had. She was bone exhausted then. She felt as if she had only begun a long journey that needed to be continued currently. She decided to trudge forward into the garden that appeared to give way to a large field, then out to woods. Perhaps if she made it to the woods in a good manner of time she would be able to snuggle under one of the trees upon some moss and rest for awhile. Assuming she were tired then as well.

She walked toward the iron gate that hung only by a hinge in the door frame. The sky beyond it began to turn darker and she watched as the brightest stars she had ever seen twinkled to wakefulness on the deep blue canvas of the sky. She smiled as they winked down at her. They were so very beautiful, hung in the sky like that, and Alice smiled. Indeed this was an image that many a person dreamed about. This was her land in the bay of madness. The moon soon came to its crest as Alice made her way out into the field. Her feet were tickled by the soft, gray grass that lay under her feet.

As she glanced up into the sky she swore she saw a mouth smile down at her, feline eyes looking upon her. Once again, Alice felt peace in her dream. The peace she was hoping to find in her adventure to China, the peace that she was hoping to find in Bayne. The peace that she was indeed home. But the thought of this dream being her home didn't scare her as it had before. She was letting it soak through her pores. She felt a presence around her, one that made her feel so very admired; a presence that screamed love and companionship, the presence that Alice could only dream of ever finding. A smile dance across Alice's lips as she danced her way through the meadow toward the wood, her body and flowing hair, everything, was illuminated by the gentle moonlight.


	6. Very Good Advice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Very Good Advice" song by Oliver Wallace, covered by Robert Smith

_I give myself very good advice_

_But I very seldom follow it_

_That explains the trouble that I'm always in_

_Be Patient is very good advice_

_But the waitin' makes me curious_

_And I'd love the change_

_Should something strange begin_

Alice awoke under a tree as the sun's rays began to peak over the horizon in the distance. She stretched gently, her head throbbing. It was a very strange feeling to be waking in a dream. It was almost as if she really were waking.

"But Alice this is only a dream, you should only think of it that way." The woman realized how often she scolded herself for often thinking that it was more than a dream.

She always gave herself reasonable advice. She was trying to make a good choice in a husband. She would only marry someone who would make her feel the way those green eyes did. But she never did stumble upon a man that made her feel that way. She sighed as she got to her feet, the moss she slept on cushioning her. She gave herself advice to stop dreaming all the time. It would get her out of less and less trouble. But that wasn't working either. Alice took in her surrounding environment and realized she had quite the choice to make. It appeared that the meadow stretched out to her left and could carry on for quite some ways. But straight ahead of her was a forest. The forest was lovely, dark, and deep. She smiled at the way it seemed so mysterious. She placed her right foot forward toward the trees.

"No, Alice!" She scolded herself. "Do those woods really look safe?" She pondered to herself aloud.

The woods seemed to stretch on for ages, ages that weren't very well lit. But the meadow, the meadow was green and promising. She shook her head. It shouldn't be that hard a choice! Go toward the meadow. She wasn't sure what her dream would throw at her next for it had thrown quite a lot at her so far. She stumbled forward toward the woods still. It was almost as if she was being pulled there. Nothing good could possibly come out of those woods, no matter how curious they looked.

"Alice you shouldn't rely on your curiosity! It has always gotten you in trouble! The only vice you have always had worse it your impatience!" And she found it odd that she was indeed losing patience with herself. This being in limbo made Alice even more curious. Yes the meadow was beautiful, but the woods were enchanting. The limbs of the trees seemed to welcome her in a hug, the sticks beckoned her like fingers. She smiled at the woods.

"Oh, but Alice! What harm can a little exploring really do? I mean, the woods can't be all too bad. Maybe pinching doesn't work. But should a large old scary creature come along, why it would be just like falling! It would jolt you right awake! It would Alice." Alice started toward the woods again. "It could make this dream even more exciting than it already is!"

"That's the trouble I have with it." Alice responded to herself, taking a much more matronly tone this time around. "It has been quite the frightful, horrid adventure so far. We are going to be late for the rest of the party, And Alice- you know Bayne is not going to like that in the least bit!" Alice was taken aback at her argument with herself. She sounded like Margaret in some senses. Good; Margaret had a perfectly clear head upon her fine shoulders. She always gave Alice the right advice, even if she failed to fully listen to her elder sister. But Alice always did learn one way or another.

"The woods are going to be the right way to go. I feel it. I feel that presence this way." She said and she strode into the woods. They were indeed very dark, but signs were posted on trees. She paused to read one that greeted her right away.

"Weclome to Tugley Woods." She read aloud. "'Beware the Mad Tea Party that dwells in our midst.' A Mad Tea Party? that sounds like quite the adventure indeed." She said and turned to the left where the sign pointed. What was she doing? She was a twenty one year old woman skipping through her dreams as if she were merely playing hopscotch. This was mad! Mad, mad, mad! Alice shook the thoughts from her head. Something was bound to happen at some point, was it not? She pondered, her feet moving without stopping before her. Before she knew it Alice had wandered very deep into the very dark woods.

_Well I went along my merry way_

_And I never stopped to reason_

_I should have known there'd be a price to pay_

_Some day_

_I give myself very good advice_

_But I very seldom follow it_

_Will I ever learn? Will I ever learn?_

_Will I ever learn to do the things I should?_

Alice was quite startled by how dark the woods were indeed. She barely could see before her now, but the sun had risen hours ago. The woods themselves appeared as if they had been dead for a long time, only now just trying to resurrect from the dead. Gently, she placed a pale hand on the rough bark of the one of the trees as she stumbled over a root.

The path was becoming so much the more difficult as she tried her best to follow the overgrown path that led to some Mad Tea Party that she kept seeing warning signs about. Alice's foot stepped on a twig and it snapped, causing the bushes near Alice to react. She froze, her other foot in mid air behind her. What horrid sort of creature could be lurking in these woods? Alice was afraid to answer herself because she could only imagine what kinds of terrors could exist among the trees. After all, it was her imagination that was creating all of this.

She stepped forward again, holding her breath very tightly. She was afraid that maybe if she even breathed the thing would be able to smell the very fear in her breath. That was what one of the Asian travelers had told her group of investors after one of them had upset a hornet's nest. That the bees could smell the very terror in their exhalations. Alice wasn't very fond of getting stung and she didn't particularly want to be swatting bees out of long golden tresses that had indeed worked their way out of her bun that day. Alice tried to step away from the noise but her heel only stepped on another twig, her weight causing it to crack. She gasped as a large dog mixed with panther mixed with abominable snowman jumped out at her. She gave a slight yelp and turned.

She began to run down the path, her feet catching in all sorts of roots. Her dress skirt snagged on a branch and brought her to the ground. She landed with a large thump on the dirt; receiving a mouthful of the vile tasting stuff as her face hit. Alice spun on her back quickly, trying to gather her feet underneath her. They slipped a couple times before she finally got a foot hold and took off like a sprinter from the starting block. The creature roared behind as her feet pounded faster to increase her running speed. Alice was gasping for breath and she wasn't sure where she was headed. The woods were really so very dark, she could barely make out trees that threatened to take her out in the face as she swiftly flew by them.

"Beware the Jubb Jubb bird," Alice said to herself as she pushed a branch out of her way. "And shun the frumious Bandersnatch."

Perhaps this was the Bandersnatch. She remembered bits and pieces of it when she met it before in her nightmares. She didn't much feel like stopping this time around, risking a scratch and whiff of the creature's vomit inducing breath. The last time she received a rather life- like-feeling scratch. In fact, she had a scar on her left arm from the attack, which she always thought peculiar since the attack had been in her dream. Alice didn't bother to stop and ponder the old wound though as it appeared that the Bandersnatch was gaining.

A white blur flashed before her face and she spotted the white rabbit. It bounded in front of her then quickly veered to the left. She decided to follow it. The rabbit had always been her symbol of direction in her visions. It would serve as a compass this time as well. She sighed in relief as he jumped into a hole.

Alice ran as fast as she could, bounding over the log that concealed the bunker and jumped into the hole as well. It was a lot deeper than it first appeared; she figured this out as she landed quite hard on her rear. She heard the Bandersnatch coming close which caused her to press her body against the dirt walls of the safe haven. She heard the creature take large whiffs from above and she once again held her breath hoping that she would remain undetected. She heard the dirt moving as his large paws disturbed the earth, then a small whine came from its throat. Alice heard some thumping but stayed pressed against the wall, her breath still caught in her lungs. When the area remained silent for several minutes she released her grip hold on her oxygen. It rushed out and Alice was panting, she fell to her knees in the hole. She had warned herself to not take the way of the woods. Why on earth was she going to find a stupid old tea party anyways? There were so many danger signs.

"Alice! You really should pay better attention to your better half." She said as she rose, shaking the dirt from her too short but temporarily made, dress. Her knees were brown from the dirt, her feet hurt from the running. "It's no time for complaining now, Alice. You've quite got yourself into this mess. You are now going to get yourself out. Once we are out, we shall decide if we really are going to this tea party or not!"

She grabbed hold of some roots that stuck out from the dirt. She began to pull herself up into the slightly more illuminated forest. She paused, her elbows resting in the soft grass, before pulling herself up the rest of the way. She glanced around and noted that there was a sign across the way, a path beneath it that was very well worn down, perhaps only now starting to overgrow. With one last heave, Alice slid over the lip of the hole and crawled onto the grass. Scooting her knees across the earth she made her way to the log where she collapsed. Her chest still heaved from her escape efforts; her climbing had only taken more oxygen.

"Well I suppose it's decision time now Alice," She said to herself, sitting further upright on the log. She rested her elbows on the damp, moss covered bark as she looked ahead at the sign. "Welcome to the March Hare's; this way. Welcome to the Mad Hatter's; that way." She observed that in reality both hands pointed very much the same way. "I don't think I much want to meet anymore mad people. But I suppose if it means I shall wake up. I do recall being awfully fond of a Hatter character. Perhaps we are great friends. And as for the March Hare, he surely will be a great deal of fun." She reasoned with herself.

"You really have gone quite mad haven't you?" She whispered as she pushed herself up using the log.

She brushed her hands together to try to remove the mud and dirt. It was in vain and she noticed that her dress skirt was soiled as well. She shrugged her shoulders and brushed her hands upon it to try her best to clean them. She gave one last victorious sigh, her hands flying out to her sides as a young girl would do as she looked upon a grand adventure. Then again, with one foot in front of the other and very much against her great advice, Alice went forward to the Mad Tea Party.


	7. Tea Party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Tea Party" song by Kerli

_Welcome to the Tea Party_  
_Want to be my VIP?_  
_You didn't RSVP_  
_That's ok, that's ok_

_Welcome to the Tea Party_

_(oh oh, oh oh)_

_Want to be my VIP?_

_When I all steamed up,_

_Hear me shout_

_Tip me over and pour me out_

Alice was quite tired of walking today. She really just wanted to find a quiet place to settle down. Her mouth was dry and she desperately would have loved to have something to drink. Her heart raced as she found herself wandering over a less dense forest land. The trees grew sparse as she traveled further out of the strange forest she had somehow managed to get herself into. She should have known it was a bad idea to enter a place that was owned by someone as strange as the Duchess.

Alice noticed the grass was beginning to turn a grayish color beneath her stocking laden feet. It was strange, this place she was wandering to felt very comforting to her. She took a deep breath and could swear she smelled something sweet in the distance. She laughed: glorious sweet food! Alice felt so free in that moment, like she would be able to fly forever into the clouds. Looking around, Alice let her arms fly out to make her own childish set of wings, beginning to spin in a dizzying circle. The shortened skirt of her dress swooshed to her delight as she let out more laughs. She could spin until she dropped into the saddening grass.

She wanted to stay in this dream world forever. But perhaps that was what made dream worlds so desirable; you had to wake up from the magic before it slipped away. Alice fell to the ground; she lay splayed on her stomach, her hair falling from the back of her head to veil her face. Her makeshift gown had flown up to immodest levels and she looked unseemly; she knew it. But she loved the way all this made her feel.

She trembled in disbelief as she sniffed the earth, this just seemed so real and her bones began to scream that perhaps this was indeed more than a dream. If given the possibility to stay here forever, in this moment Alice surely would. She rolled on her back and her green eyes took in the bluish gray skies that billowed with clouds over head. The smell of pastries grew stronger as the wind shifted her way and her stomach only growled louder than it had before. Alice reluctantly got to her feet in order to follow the delectable aroma. She found herself walking into territory that seemed all too familiar. The woods began to thin out even more so, few trees were found now as the grass grew thicker. She spotted a hill in the distance and her heart began to race. She found her feet running without her even giving thought to their state of existence. The hill loomed even closer as her feet pounded the soft, cold ground keeping time with the beating of her heart. Her skirt billowed out behind her as her hair flew back from her face.

She began to rethink as to where she was running. She remembered nothing about this place she realized when she gave it much thought. She could be running into a terrifying creature she hadn't thought of in her mind. _But this is only a dream_ she sharply scolded herself as she paused in her climb up the hill. She threw caution to the wind as she decided to find a way around it. She kept to the sparse tree line and finally found a way to go around the hill, to a strange clearing in the forest. She paused behind a tree to peek out to the scene that was laid out before her.

There in the clearing sat a fine tea party. There were banquet tables laden with white table cloths that rested upon ancient Persian rugs in the grass. Old china, mostly cracked and broken, were scattered about the table. A hare nervously stirred his cup of tea with a spoon, his attention completely on stirring the spoon in that moment. He mumbled to himself as he watched the teacup twirl round and round. The hare looked up and around nervously as she leaned forward, breaking a twig in the process. A strange mouse dressed in traveler's apparel sat upon several stacks of books further down and across the table. She leaned on the table barely able to touch it as she tossed a cube of sugar into her tea. And at the end of the table, oh!, at the end of that table was a man.

His head was folded in and his top hat hid his face from view. But she knew that hat. Unkempt red hair stuck out from under the brim in jagged angles. She clung to the tree as he lifted his head suddenly and looked around. His eyes that never seemed to quite focus looked toward her. They were a very sad green color and Alice shuddered. She _knew_ those eyes, those green eyes that were always just a little brighter that laughed with her, marveled at her. They were with her in dreams. She gulped. She wasn't sure she wanted to step forward but that was a very silly notion to even have!

'It's just a bloody dream, Alice!" She cursed to herself and took a deep breath. She let go of the trunk of the tree, her feet taking determined steps to the table. She was going to behave just as she did in her dream, which was something that seemed natural to her. Because she didn't actually remember anything in her dreams besides these green eyes. They brightened up as she drew nearer; she noticed his foot was resting on the table as she approached. Alice took a deep breath as the space between them became less. She was beginning to forget about the other tea party guests.

"Alice," She heard him breathe, emotion wrapped up in those five little letters. Alice could only look at him warily as she closed the distance.

_Your appetite is flex_  
_I got the table set_  
_Don't get your dribble on my T-t-table yet_

_I got the goodies baked_

_Got more than you can take_

_Just try and nibble on my biscuits and my rainbow cake_

_Let's be traditional_

_And non commissional_

_Got my elbows down, pinkies up_

_That's the way you sip my cup_

Nobody spoke. Alice found herself stopping at the table, her hands resting at the sides of her dress. She wanted to breathe more deeply to calm her beating heart but she was afraid that if she made any sudden movements this would all shatter. The dream would end now. She would wake up and she would never discover why she saw this man's green eyes in her dreams every night. He was the first to move, his arms stretched out in welcome gesture, his cravat seemed to brighten with his eyes now. He smiled a larger gap toothed grin. He was the first to speak as well.

"Alice! You've returned!" He pulled a silent watch from his coat's pocket and looked at it. "You're rather naughty though, for being so late." He scolded her good naturedly and she shook her head.

"No, no!" She shook her head at him daring to look into his eyes as she approached the head of the table.

His green eyes- those eyes that shot right through her dreams to her heart. Alice gulped, nervously lowering her own dark green eyes and sat cautiously down at the table. She was afraid to look up again because she knew she always longed for this part of her fantasies. She would look up and there he would be, looking down the table at her. He'd hesitantly stand then she would hesitantly stand. Before long the two would be running toward each other like long lost lovers separated by time and space completely unexplainable. But Alice wasn't going to give into her fantasy this time.

"Alice?" His voice traveled down the table and she looked up cautiously. He stood, joy outlining the smile on his face. "Is it truly you?" He stepped as close as the table would allow, his arms outstretched. Alice's bowels quivered and she did her best to look him in the face.

"You're not real." She whispered to herself. He wasn't real. All of the heart racing, her mouth running dry, her body shaking at the hormones that coursed through her- it wasn't real.

"You are our most important guest, Alice. I am so glad you've come." His gap tooth smiled made Alice's stomach flip in distress. She finally noticed the dormouse who looked at her with a large scowl across her face. "Everything for our tea party is ready, all we need is you." He gestured his arm across the baked goods bringing her attention back to him and his large hat.

Alice slid into the chair without saying a word. She wasn't ready to say anything yet. All she could do was stare into those eyes.

_Try not to move so fast_  
_You know the sir comes last_  
_I'm the lady fatha mucka try to show some class_

_Don't drink the last cup_  
_We keep it boiling hot_

_We keep the party moving till we drink the last drop_

_Let's be traditional and non commissional_

_Got my elbows down, pinkies up_

_That's the way you sip my cup_

The hare looked at her now and she wasn't sure how she felt with his yellow eyes peering down on her so. She nervously looked to the opposite side of the table to find another stare. This time from a very cross looking mouse that sat more toward the Hatter at the end of the table.

Alice didn't remember anything at all besides those eyes. There was a tea party in her dream she knew this. The hare and the mouse- a dormouse she supposed- she vaguely remembered. But she couldn't remember their names or what indeed they had helped her with in her previous dreams. Though the nightmares had all been different their courses seemed to muddy together.

"Alice? I think not! The girl has forgotten all of Underland again, I shouldn't dare say it!" The dormouse squeaked in anger. The Hatter sat at the opposite side of the table, a slight frown upon his lips as she shook his head.

"Alice, do you remember our tea party?" He asked as he stepped out of his chair, coming to the side of the table. Alice watched him venture closer to her and her heart began to race because of it. She quickly reached for a cup then just as swiftly for a steaming tea pot that sat before the hare.

"But of course, we drink…tea!" Alice said as she poured the hot liquid into the china cup. The Hatter smiled crookedly but the hare seemed extremely offended.

"Tha'z my teh!" He cried and took a scone in hand, raising it above his head. The Hatter quickly grabbed his paw and took the scone from it; he had already made his way down the very long table. He had made it easily before the large rabbit could do whatever it was he wanted to do with the pastry.

"There is tea for all and always! We must not be tossing things at our dear guests, Thack." The Hatter said and placed the scone on the table with a smile. "That's better." Alice looked at him still with circumspect and pulled the boiling hot tea closer to her body. He came even closer to her, a smile upon his face.

"You look a bit down, my fair one." He said, encouraging her to taste a cupcake. Alice's stomach still felt ill from the mushroom that had returned her to normal size, refused the cupcake and she spoke instead.

"I have had a rather long journey and I just need to rest for a bit. You see I am dreaming and I can't wake up. I'm a little afraid to because this dream is only showing how gone my mind is." She was startled when his hand came to find her face. His gloved wrist gently set upon her forehead and he smiled a gap toothed smile at her.

"I'm afraid you've gone positively mad. Which makes you the perfect one for this party."

"My dreams are mad, I am not."

"Oh, the opposite is quite so," He said and bent at the knees to become eye level with her. He rested a hand on her lap. "You wouldn't have come back to Underland if you weren't mad."

"I fell asleep. As I already told you, I am dreaming."

"Alice Kingsleigh, will you always believe that?" He answered with a patient smile.

"You know me so well but I am afraid you have slipped my memory." She looked away from him as she lied.

"Tarrant, Tarrant Hightopp. I am the Mad Hatter and you have arrived at my table in time for tea." He laughed. "By the way I have a question for you."

"Oh, dear I am not always the best with coming up with answers." Alice said as looked back at the man at her side.

"Why is a raven like a writing desk?" He posed the question and it brought Alice to a stop. She thoughtfully steepled her hand under her chin as she pondered his quandary.

"I haven't the slightest idea." She finally responded.

"Nor do I." He said in a whisper and smiled just as wide as he had before. "And I'm afraid I've been a terrible gentleman not escorting the lady to the head seat." He said as he stood.

He held out a curved hand for her to grab. She looked at with the same guard as she had carried herself the entire evening. But she finally took it with reluctance and let herself be pulled up from her chair. He took her hand and had it lace through his elbow, so that their arms were intertwined. She couldn't deceive herself, she loved the closeness. She felt so safe in that little bit of touch his body had provided for her. It was her dream, wasn't it? Perhaps she could find that harbor here, in her mind. She scolded herself for this idea, looking onward. That was absolutely silly; she had to focus on Bayne so that she wouldn't run into the arms of this stranger. But as he so graciously pulled the chair out for her and sat next to her in his own large seat, Alice felt that thinking of Bayne would only drive her closer to this man. He smiled at her as the dormouse cleared her throat.

"On with the celebration then, that the Champion has returned?" She asked and Tarrant clapped his hands together.

"But of course! A cake for you Alice!" He cheered. The hare bounded upon the table and picked up a rather large cake. It was covered in red roses. He hap hazardly placed the pastry in front of Alice.

"I'm sorry, the Champion?" Alice asked quizzically.

"Indeed, if I' wearen't fer yew tah whole lan' o' ours 'ould be deiad." The hare said, pulling a knife from his waist coat. This bothered Alice until she realized it was to cut the cake. What a peculiar little dream she was having. But dream cake wasn't going to make her dress too small….she hoped. She noticed that Tarrant watched her every move as if he was recording it in her brain. She should have been offended as a lady, but in this moment the man who made hats made her feel so very, very loved.

_I know this night is like no other_  
_You're not just another_  
_I know it's only getting better_  
_As long as we're together_  
_I know this night is like no other_  
_You're not just another_

Alice had finished the cake rather quickly to her own surprise as the other members of the party seemed to be falling asleep. The dormouse climbed into a large teapot (something she had dreamed about for years and years since she could remember) and her heavy breathing could be heard in the cave like object. The Hare had some tea to drink and it was causing his eyes to close very heavy. But the Hatter looked at her with those green eyes.

"You look at me as if I am to know who I am and who you are." She said and shook her great curls. "But I'm very sorry to say that I don't."

"Alice, you don't remember anything?"

"I remember….bits and pieces." She said as she took another fork fill of cake. It was a very delicious cake and she loved the way that the icing melted on her tongue. "I remember you." She said with great honesty. He looked taken aback. "Not all of you. Just your hat. And your eyes." He gently placed his work worn hand on the delicate hand of hers that rested on the table.

"You remember me, Alice?"

"And I shall forget you when I wake up." She said and shook her head. His hand reached up off hers to now go to her cheek. His thumb brushed the skin gently. "Are we great lovers? Is that what happens in my dream? I can never fully remember, almost as if my brain wants to keep you locked up in all my fantasies." She replied, uncomfortable with the closeness he was creating. She was going to wall herself up again, afraid that if she didn't this man would hurt her.

"Alice, this isn't a dream." He said gently. "Why must you always need convincing?" She looked at him in puzzlement.

"It's as if my dream wants me to become trapped. Everything here feels so real, seems so real, tastes so real. Everyone here tells me all this is real."

"And why can't it be?"

"Because people don't fall down rabbit holes into enchanting little towns! Those are for nursery stories and crazy old lunatics like my aunt."

"Alice, you really believe your mind can make all this up?" He said with a smirk and Alice growled.

"I don't know. I certainly hope not or for certain I've gone mad!" She cried and the Hatter took both his hands and settled them on her face.

"Alice, this is real. All of it. And now that you're back…it's only going to get better." His green eyes looked intently into hers. The next thing she knew was he pulled her closer to him, an arm had swiftly encircled her body.

His lips were on hers in a kiss. She trembled slightly but found to her surprise she was enjoying it. She kissed him in return. The kiss soon climaxed when his tongue slipped into her mouth and she loved the feel of it tasting hers. The kiss was something she had never experienced. But then reality hit her. She felt his lips closing in as if he were only going to stretch them further the next time that he opened them. Alice's had much done the same and the small pocket of each other's mouths they had left trembled.

What was she doing? This was her dream! She was passionately kissing some mad man from her dream and she loved the way he tasted. She loved his hands going up her bodice, tangling in her hair. Alice broke from the kiss.

His hand was still in hair as she broke away. Alice looked him in the most dazzling shade of green eyes flecked with gold. Then she untangled herself. And Alice, oh Alice she never failed. Then Alice ran away.

_Welcome to the Tea Party_  
_(oh oh, oh oh)_  
_Want to be my VIP?_  
_(oh oh, oh oh)_  
_You didn't RSVP_  
_(oh oh, oh oh)_  
_That's ok, that's ok_  
_(oh oh, oh oh)_  
_Welcome to the Tea Party_  
_(oh oh, oh oh)_  
_Want to be my VIP?_  
_When I all steamed up, hear me shout_  
_Tip me over and pour me out_

Alice went running through the forest. Her heart was still pounding from the kiss she had shared with that man and her hands trembled as she ran on and on. She didn't have any idea of where she was going, all her mind did was rewind the way his touch made her float on air as she never had before. He made her want to dance for hours. Fly through the wonderful fields with him

 _BUT I'M DREAMING!_ Alice screamed to herself as tears streamed down her very pale cheeks. This was becoming so much! He wasn't real, the embrace wasn't real. This wondrous colorful land wasn't real.

 _Alice, remember what is!_ She scolded herself. She tripped over a root and went sprawling headlong into the dirt. She landed in a heap of mushrooms, tears still streaming down her face. Why was this dream making her life so complicated? Why was she allowing it? Surely she could pinch herself a little harder. She took her forearm in her pointer and thumb, squeezing. She closed her eyes just as tight as she took a deep breath. She shook her golden curls and opened her eyes. No. This was the same Wonderland she had been dreaming of since she was young.

She shut her eyes tighter and grasped her skin harder. She pressed until tears came to her eyes and she almost passed out due to lack of oxygen. She opened her eyes again but alas, she opened her eyes to the saturated land. Alice covered her face with her hands. When was this nightmare ever going to end?


	8. Alice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Alice" lyrics by Avril Lavigne

_Trippin out_  
_Spinning around_  
_I'm underground_  
_I fell down_  
_Yeah I fell down_

Alice ran as quickly as she could back through the forest. She hadn't even noticed that she had strayed from the path that had led her to the insane tea party in the first place. Why was this dream particularly disturbing? Her feet ached from all the running she was doing that day in bare feet, her legs pounding in exhaustion. Alice was quite tired of running. That was what she always did when a problem arose. She had done it when her sister wanted to teach her lessons; she had run from Hamish when he asked for her hand. Now she was even running from characters in her dreams.

She found her footsteps slowing until she had come from a sprint to a leisurely walk. Forcing herself to stop, Alice turned back to look at the way she came. Yes she wanted to become more brave but she didn't really want to go back and face that man. Not yet anyways. So she was here, in her dream that bothered her as it never had before. But she was Alice Kingsley. She was going to get through this rough spot until she woke up, if she did wake up. Alice began to panic a little. Perhaps this was purgatory? Or heaven? This wasn't what people had told her heaven would be like. Where were the angels and where was God? _No, this wasn't heaven_ Alice decided, turning back forward. This was just a dream that she would wake up from after her head stopped shutting down.

She wondered now how long she had been passed out for and whether one contemplates being passed out in their dreams. Alice shoved the drivel from her mind and proceeded onward. This time she was more careful as to where she placed her step. She didn't want to run into the horrid creature she had startled earlier. Alice resolved to move a little slower. Surely the man wouldn't have pursued her so readily, not after she left him standing like that. But that kiss, it still lingered on her lips! It made her stomach turn in ways that even Bayne's smooches couldn't. Her heart raced more quickly than it did running just in thought about it. Alice sighed. This dream was going to drive her absolutely insane, if she woke up surely she would return with Aunt Imogene to the sanatorium. She had fallen much further down this rabbit hole then she ever expected to. But why not enjoy where she was at this point instead of focusing on what was. She came to the edge of the wood now; two paths were laid out before her. Why did forks in the way always appear at the worst of times? Alice wondered to herself. Now it was time to decide which one she would take. She chuckled to herself.

"Dreams always seem to know exactly what is going on in your life." A smile flitted across her face. Alice stood in thought a while longer before taking the road that was much less worn down.

_I'm freaking out, where am I now?_  
_Upside down and I can't stop it now_  
_Can't stop me now, oh oh_

The journey was hard and long, strange creatures constantly popped up on the path. It had led her to a small village now; she was surprised she hadn't seen a soul so far. She had begun to wonder if perhaps the town hadn't existed at all. Every window that she took the time to peek into was barren, though things were strewn about as if people had indeed been there at one point. Her feet were chilled on the cobblestones as she wandered down the road.

For the first time since entering that village she noticed that there was a large crowd before her. Alice's face turned up into a joyful smile as she realized there was indeed a mob of people. A large mob of people were cheering and whooping, appearing to be watching something with great interest, gathered before her. Alice ran quickly to the group to see what the commotion was.

"Git 'im ya big ole beast!" A man cried in happiness.

"Spear 'im rig' throu'!" A woman shouted next to him. Alice pushed her way through the crowd and noticed that they had left a space in the middle of the large gathering. Pushing closer to the inside of the crowd, she could observe that there was some sort of battle going on between the two creatures. As she crept even closer they were easier to make out. There was a Unicorn and a Lion, each equipped with boxing gloves, battling each other in the ring. Alice shook her head in confusion. Whatever was going on?

"What are they fighting about?" Alice wondered aloud.

"Why, they're fighting for the crown." A young boy turned to her and answered her pondering.

"What crown are they battling for?" She asked, still puzzled by the scene that was taking place before her.

"Mirana's crown. Though they love her dear and would hate to see her lose it again, they want to declare who would be next in line in case anything happened to her."

"Mirana?" Alice said, only growing more confused. This was her dream. Why was she always forgetting who these people were? She had invented all of the characters herself. _Though sometimes one can forget dreams as soon as they wake up_. She reasoned with herself.

"She is the White Queen. Really, you gallymogger! One could think you weren't even from Underland if you keep asking silly questions like that!" He answered her with the shake of his head.

"Underland?" Alice said, more quietly this time. She supposed she didn't want many of them knowing that she wasn't from here. She could fall into serious harm. Perhaps that would wake her up even faster. Alice made her way out of the crowd and noticed a fountain in the distance. She went to the edge of it and sat placing her head in her hands. This dream kept coming at her so fast and she could even tell what was real or unreal anymore.

"Really, Alice, you must learn to stop being so literal about all of this." She scolded herself. "For you could learn a great deal about yourself through this!" She nodded her head. "We can use all of this nonsense to properly diagnose what is wrong with your head!" She was getting excited at the notion of it. "Perhaps, maybe you've even figured out something in the trade route in a part of yourself that you didn't know existed and you are merely trying to tell yourself about it!" She leapt to her feet.

"Why, Alice Kingsleigh! There is no stopping you anymore! We will figure out what all this means and we will go and change the world. With Bayne. Perhaps in this dream you will discover that you do love him. The man in the hat could just be a different way of seeing him. Yes, yes Alice that is possible most brilliant!" She jumped to her feet with renewed vigor.

She was going to make the most out of this impossible dream and use it to do the possible in her world. Just as she resolved herself to strive forward, the fight was won. A rather high pitched whiny echoed across the town but was drowned out by a tremendous roar. Alice looked over to see the crowd lifting the lion, carrying him away from the battle grounds on a victorious march through the city. Left in the dust was the very much defeated Unicorn.

_I found myself in Wonderland_  
_Get back on my feet, again_  
_Is this real?_  
_Is this pretend?_  
_I'll take a stand until the end_

Alice warily walked over to the Unicorn, who looked to have tears in his equine eyes. She came to sit down next to him as he still lay in defeat in the dirt. The Unicorn turned his face to look at her.

"You look vaguely familiar." He said as he looked her over.

"I don't believe we have ever met." Alice said, holding her hand out the Unicorn. The Unicorn placed his hoof in her hand, she shook it.

"No, really, I do believe we have met before. You were here with the Haigh and the Hatter." He wheezed. "And that's when I started believing in Alices."

"That is a rather odd thing to believe in." Alice said with a frown.

"Well I thought it was rather odd that you didn't believe in Unicorns." The creature replied. "I could have sworn you were a monster but then I saw your little smile. You are a great deal older than you were when we met before." He said, looking up his nose at her.

"I am not old! I am twenty one." She said and looked at the imaginary creature.

"I didn't say you were old, I merely said you were older. Putting words in other's mouths leads to great fighting. But you already know how to fight, don't you my dear Champion."

"I am still confused as to why people call me that." She said talking to the Unicorn as if they were old pals. The Unicorn laughed at her.

"Why, because you have slain the Jabberwocky!" He said in excitement. "You are a much better battler than I could ever hope to be." Alice was saddened by the disappointment that lined his voice. "If only once I could defeat that horrid old lion!"

"I am sure you will get the better of him one of these days. It just takes lots of practice." Alice said.

"It's impossible." He shook his long head. Alice placed a hand on his mane.

"You know that one can always do the impossible if they try oh so very hard at it." Alice said, stroking the hairs to encourage him.

"I suppose I could because I believed in you. And you are one who can always do the impossible!" He said with a whiney.

"Yes, well sometimes that only gets me in a great deal of trouble. Like this dream." Alice folded her hands in her lap.

"Dream?"

"Yes, this Wonderland of mine is only a dream. So perhaps I can make myself dream that you are going to win." She said with smile.

"You have made yourself believe this is a dream?" The Unicorn asked distraughtly.

"I am not believing anything that it isn't." Alice answered him with a shake of her head.

"But this is a very real place. I would know, I have grown up here in this wondrous land." The Unicorn answered her. "Perhaps you need to make yourself unbelieve."

"But I know this isn't real-right? Ugh, I've only argued myself in a circle again!" She cried out.

"But this isn't some land that you could just make up. There are too many contradictions in this place for one person to dream up all by their lonesome. Even as great a believer as you are you are seeing you somehow believe in me." The creature whinnied.

"Yes, I suppose. Well regardless if it's real or pretend I really must be getting home. I am afraid I left at a rather inconvenient time." Alice said, rising to her feet. The Unicorn hurried up after her.

"I suppose this means you must be on your way." He looked at her.

"It does, but it's been rather nice meeting you." Alice responded, shaking his hoof again.

"Will you be back to visit?" The Unicorn inquired.

"I may be, but there is a good chance I won't. Thank you so much for the advice."

"Thank you for believing." The Unicorn bowed deeply to her then turned on his feet to join the celebration. Alice watched him leave and sighed. It was time to move on. She finally figured out she had the strength to get through this dream, now it was time to get by until she reached the end of it.

_I, I'll get by_  
_I, I'll survive_  
_When the world's crashing down_  
_When I fall and hit the ground_  
_I will turn myself around_  
_Don't you try to stop me_  
_I, and I won't cry_

Alice wandered outside the town that was celebrating the Lion's victory. The cheering made her smile to herself as she enjoyed the bit of joy in her dream. Her mind wandered back to the man in the top hat. The Mad Hatter. Of course she would be into a man who was so very mad. She wasn't sure how it could represent any part of Bayne. Bayne was so very… sane. Pardon the rhyme. He always followed the rules, always dressed according to what was proper. He knew everything there was to know about the business and about politics and about anything else that was of great importance. Alice found it stifling at times but she was doing what she could to get by.

She was going to survive. She would only prove it to herself in this dream. Alice looked in the distance and saw a rider upon a horse. She smiled at the aspect of company and drew closer to the stranger. She saw now that it was a knight, dressed fully in white (another rhyme, I'll become an expert at poetry by the end of this dream, Alice thought to herself) bouncing upon his horse. Alice grimaced as she saw him land on his head, the horse coming to a full stop waiting for the rider to remount. The woman found herself running to the knight to see if any harm had come of him.

"Are you alright?" Alice called to the soldier.

"Perfectly fine, perfectly fine! Perhaps the next invention I should think up is a way of falling of my horse more softly."

"You mean this happens often?" Alice asked.

"Quite."

"Well then perhaps you should invent a way to make it so you don't fall off your horse." Alice offered some advice.

"Perhaps I should." The Knight paused. "My name is Sir Charlie of Iplam. But you can call me Charlie, if you like, my Dame." He said with a smile, taking Alice's hand and kissing it.

"It's very nice to meet you, Charlie. My name is Alice."

" _The_ Alice?" He asked in shock. "Underland's brave Champion?"

"I have been told that several times." She muttered. "But I'm not quite sure why." She admitted.

"Why, we must get you to Marmoreal as soon as we can! So that Mirana can invite you to the land with honor!"

"But I am dreaming!" Alice was becoming weary of telling all the characters she met this fact, tears began to involuntarily fall down her face.

"There is no need to cry." Charlie said, pulling a handkerchief out of his armor, handing it to her. Alice smiled and took it, wiping the tears from her eyes.

"I know. It's very juvenile of me to do so." She answered him. He smiled to her.

"You are a very nice girl, Alice." He said to her and Alice smiled.

"Thank you Charlie. We may have met before but I do not remember. I am afraid I don't remember meeting a lot of people in this…place." She avoided the topic of a dream.

"That's alright, all that matters is Mirana. I must be off to tell her you are here. Fairfarren Alice!" He said with a shout and jumped upon his horse. He galloped off past her.

"Perhaps you could take me." Alice looked forward at where the man once stood, sighing. She saw the iron gate to the garden and decided that perhaps she could go back to the Duchess and ask for directions to this White Queen's castle. Alice set out on the path again that day, trying to find a way through her wonderland of an imagination.


	9. You Are Old Father William

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Old Father William" lyrics by Lewis Carroll, performed by They Might Be Giants

Alice wandered through the garden for the second time of her visit. She was growing weary of wandering the land aimlessly; wishing for some sort of guide that could perhaps help her through her dreams. She closed her eyes and thought of one. It was her dream so she could easily think of someone to help her along the way.

Alice thought of a man. Yes! A strong man who could fight away all the strange denizens of the land and lead her around this place until she woke up. Alice thought these thoughts quickly, her whole body contracting in her effort to make them come true. She gritted her teeth, her hands clenched before her in her concentration. Alice opened them waiting for her guide to appear before her. But all that she saw was the path that led into the garden. She dropped her fists in dismay, her hands sliding into the pockets she had woven into her dress on her walk. Her shoulders sagged as her sore feet walked over the dirt.

Alice then wandered into the mushroom patch where she had encountered the butterfly early that day. She was not surprised to find that the mushroom was still empty, herself a little taller so it only reached to her mid calf. The colorful fungi were rather large in this country, she bent over to pluck one when she heard some whispering over behind one of the large clusters.

"Who's there?" She inquired; the magenta mushroom was now between her forefinger and thumb.

"SHHH!" A voice came from the distance, hushing a snicker. Alice approached the patch warily.

"I'll warn you." She said, reaching into her pocket. "I have a sharp weapon of which to harm you with." She feigned reaching for a sharp object when one of the things rolled out. It wasn't particularly a thing either. Rather it was a very round man, his black and white striped shirt now smeared with dirt. He was bald with a vey round face causing his head to appear quite like a large ball. Alice gasped slightly, taking a step backwards. Just what she needed was to find more strange people in her dream. "Who are you?" She demanded, taking a hand from her pocket. The man laughed.

"I's being Tweedledee." He said as he beckoned the patch with his hand. Another short, portly man emerged from the mushrooms, his hands locked in front of his body. A smile was upon his round face.

"Tweedledum is who I be." He answered her, his hand wrapping around his brother's body. Alice frowned slightly as she looked at the two of them.

"Oh, I see. Well it's very nice to meet you Tweedles Dee and Dum." She answered. "I am-"

"We know who you be!" Tweedledee said as he stepped forward.

"You be our great Alice!" Tweedledum said with a smile. "You slayed the Jabberwocky! Right you did!"

"And now you returned to Underland just as you promised!" Tweedledee said to her this time. Alice shook her head.

"I'm afraid Wonderland is just a dream." Alice said with a smile. "But it's been a very lovely one." She added as she sat down in front of the two men, her feet very tired. The Tweedles looked at her in confusion.

"This is not the first time you be here with us." Tweedledee said to her.

"Contrariwise," Dum said. "This be the second time you have visited with Dee and I." He said with a smile. Alice laughed.

"Certainly I would remember you two." She said with a generous smile. The Tweedles shook their head.

"Has the wrong Alice fallen down the hole again?" Dee turned to his brother, who could only shrug at him.

"I cannot be the wrong Alice if this is my dream. I am precisely the Alice I intend to be." She said with a haughty shake of her chin. The Tweedles looked at her in amazement.

"But our Alice was full of bravery and kindness." Dum said to her. Alice smiled.

"Well, I am still your Alice whether you consider me brave or not. Tell me, what did we do in dreams before?" She asked with a smile.

"Well we told you great tales afore you met the old Red King." Dee said as his light eyebrows crossed. Alice smiled.

"Oh, do tell me a good story."

"Contrariwise, why don't _you_ tell us a good story?" Dum fought her.

"I am afraid I have no good stories to tell. I am sorry."

" _The Walrus and the Carpenter_ is one we've told you before." Dee said.

"Perhaps if we tell her a story that she told us, then she would certainly remember that she was here before."

"Unless she doesn't remember it noway nohow." Dee said, stepping on his brother's toe. Dum squealed a great deal more than he was actually hurt. Alice nodded.

"Yes, perhaps if I truly was here it would help my memory along." Alice said as she folded her hands into her skirt lap. Dee turned to Dum.

"What tale do we know that she had told us?"

"What of Old Father William?" Dum answered Dee a smile.

"Old Father William?" Alice said, with question in her voice.

"Indeed, you be telling that story to Absolem." Dum said looking at her.

"Absolem?" She questioned again.

"Indeed, Absolem. He is wise, ever so wise." Dee said looking to with seriousness in his face. Alice smiled and leaned forward.

"Well then, tell me the story of Father William." She said with a laugh. Tweedledee looked to Dum who nodded at him. Dee took a deep breath and began.

_"You are old, Father William, the young man said,_

_And your hair has become very white;_

_And yet you incessantly stand on your head_

_Do you think, at your age, it is right?_

_In my youth," Father William replied to his son,_

_I feared it might injure the brain;_

_But now that I'm perfectly sure I have none,_

_Why, I do it again and again._

_I am old, I am old, I will tell you again I am old."_

"Well that doesn't make very much sense." Alice said, interrupting Dee. "If he didn't have a brain then he couldn't very much be alive."

"We didn't tell the story the first time around." Dum said, glaring at her. "You be the author of this poem."

"Surely I would make a little more sense than this." Alice said with a laugh. "A man upon his head? Curiouser and curiouser." She shook her head.

"If you are very much done interrupting," Dee turned to her. "The story does go on.

"Oh, well I am sorry." Alice said folding her hands into her lap. "Do continue." Dum began this time.

_"You are old, said the youth, As I mentioned before,_

_And have grown most uncommonly fat;_

_Yet you turned a back-somersault in at the door_

_Pray, what is the reason of that?_

_In my youth, said the sage, as he shook his grey locks,_

_I kept all my limbs very supple_

_By the use of this ointmentone shilling the box_

_Allow me to sell you a couple?_

_I am old, I am old, It's a statement in fact, I am old."_

"This story doesn't make any sense at all!" Alice said, interrupting again. Dum stopped mid sentence as he glared at Alice again for interrupting."

"Alice, it is your tale you told us!" Dee said as he looked to his brother. "Perhaps on the land you come from all the stories are of no sense nohow."

"Or, contrariwise, perhaps your sense is backwards while ours is right side up." Dum said and elbowed Dee in the ribs. His brother cried out in annoyance, his fat hand rubbing his round body.

"Now if I very much could continue on." Dee said and Alice placed her hand on her mouth.

"Indeed. Excuse me fine gentlemen. You have been so kind as to share a wonderful story with me and I have been so rude to keep interrupting. It's just that it makes no sense to me at all." She said placing her hands in her laps. The Tweedles stared at her.

"You can't be the right, Alice, because the right Alice would certainly know that sense is never made in Underland." Dum said as his eyes widened. Alice shook her head.

"Well then however do things become clear?"

"They just be." Said Dee with a slight trill in his voice. He cleared his throat and Alice bowed her head. "I am sorry, continue on." Dum began this time.

_You are old, said the youth, And your jaws are too weak_

_For anything tougher than suet;_

_Yet you finished the goose, with the bones and the beak_

_Pray, how did you manage to do it?_

_In my youth, said his father, I took to the law,_

_And argued each case with my wife;_

_And the muscular strength which it gave to my jaw,_

_Has lasted the rest of my life._

_I am old, I am old, there's not much more to say I am old_

"There is no possible way I could have told you this story. For proper Englishmen would never argue cases with their wives! Most women do not know much of things such as the law and the court systems."

"Do you not know anything about them?" Dee said, looking very cross for interrupting the retelling once again. Alice had to close her mouth. She knew a great deal of the law and what one could or could not do in the court systems. She needed to know so that she could acquire money from the government incase their expeditions needed some financial help. Alice decided she should speak.

"I do know things of the law. But that is only because I need to know them for my job."

"You have a job then, Alice?" Dum said with amazement, leaning forward for her to speak to him. "That is a big great surprise."

"Contrariwise, we know that our Alice is smart enough to have herself a grand position." Dee said as he elbowed his brother. Alice frowned.

"Well, my position isn't so grand. I am merely an assistant." She answered.

"Does that mean you not be a gentlewoman?" Dee asked as his light eyebrows crossed.

"I suppose it doesn't. I don't really appreciate the life of a proper woman up there I am afraid. It's all a very complicated business. There are corsets one needs to wear and there are of course cooking recipes one must know." Alice said as she nervously flattened out her dress skirt. "I'm afraid that I find others things of more importance than my ability to craft a proper needlepoint."

"You have strange ideas up there." Dum said and laughed. Alice smiled.

"I'm afraid I interrupted you once again." Alice said and nodded her head. "Please do continue."

"And I'm afraid I don't remember where it was I stopped." Dum said, a finger pausing at his lips.

"You can't remember nothing nohow." Dee said as he firmly smacked the back of his brother's head. "I will finish the tale of Old Father Williams." And so he did.

_"You are old, said the youth, one would hardly suppose_

_That your eye was as steady as ever;_

_Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose_

_What made you so awfully clever?_

_I have answered three questions, and that is enough,_

_Said his father; "don't give yourself airs!_

_Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff?_

_Be off, or I'll kick you down stairs!_

_Down stairs, Down stairs,_

_Be off, or I'll kick you down stairs!"_

"Well that is rather a horrid thing to do to someone for being so curious!" Alice said with alarm.

"Well I suppose the moral of the story could be that one should be careful of who they ask." Dee said.

"Nohow! It's you should be careful because if you ask him you could do something to harm yourself!" Dum argued with his brother. Alice shook her head in amusement.

"I suppose it shows how curiosity can sometimes be a very dangerous thing." Alice said with a smile.

"That is a great bad way to see things." Dee said, pausing in his effort to shove his brother over.

"Contrariwise, curiosity is better to see things with." Dum said, grunting in agreement. Alice shook her head.

"I think curiosity can be good in its own place. Usually it gets one into very big trouble. I should know." She said with a smile. "I've been reprimanded a great deal for it."

"But if you had no curiosity, you not would have followed McTwisp and had a great tumble down the rabbit hole." Dee said looking at her.

"Yes, well I am afraid that the rabbit hole is only due to my curiosity and it is quite a good lesson of what madness can happen when one lets their mind wander." Alice said with a frown.

"But we then would not have had our Champion!" Dum shook his head. Alice smiled and arose.

"Thank you so very much for the story! I must be on my way though." She curtsied to them. The two looked at her quizzically, then to each other. They arose and each took one of Alice's hands, shaking them firmly.

"Fairfarren, Alice." They said in unison. Alice smiled then turned to head out the garden through another path.


	10. Alice's Theme

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Alice's Theme" song by Danny Elfman

_Oh, Alice, dear where have you been?_

_So near, so far, so in between?_

_What have you heard? What have you seen?_

_Alice, Alice, please, Alice!_

Alice found herself wandering down the new path she had encountered in the garden. This dream and its inhabitants were throwing her for a loop. It must have been the smack on the head that she had received. Usually a good pinch or scare (of which she had received several of both so far) woke her from her crazy dreams.

She didn't remember meeting so many people either as she made her way through her sleep escape. The things and people she met were usually a jumbled tangled mess throughout all of her sleep. She smiled as she noticed a small dormouse making her way across the path, pulling Alice from her ponderings about her strange dreams. The mouse seemed to have seen her as well, for it stopped and looked at her.

"Well, if it isn't Alice again. I shant ask whether or not you remember anything of this place because it's quite clear you haven't."

"I'm sorry, I don't quite remember your name." Alice said, bending over at the waist. The dormouse frowned as only a mouse can and shook her head.

"I am Mallymkun. The most bravest and most cleverest mouse in all of Underland." She said in her high pitched voice. Alice smiled.

"Well, Mallymkun. Now that we've both met each other…" Alice replied warmly.

"We've met before, Alice!" She said with little patience for the much bigger creature. Alice shook her blonde curls.

"I'm so very sorry I can't remember anything here, there, near, far, or in between." She said crossing her pale arms. "I've been here so many times and see so many different things each visit."

"You haven't been here more than three times, you dolt." The mouse replied indignantly.

"I have too. This is my head; I practically live in this place." She said morosely. The mouse shook her head, her giant ears waggled back and forth with the force she had tossed her noggin.

"You are really quite the stupid child aren't you? Will you always mistake this place for a dream of yours?" The dormouse asked with great irritation.

"I would much rather like to avoid the idea of an argument of whether I am in a dream or not." Alice answered with a mouthful of words. The dormouse cackled.

"Fine then, your Champion." It bowed in mock at the woman. Alice placed her hands on her hips.

"I get quite the assumption that you aren't very fond of me, are you Mallymkun?"

"Well, it's quite hard to like someone who doesn't even realize who she is." The mouse replied with bitterness. Alice groaned.

"You creatures of this place need to understand, I am Alice. Alice. A. L. I. C.E." Alice spelled out her name with agitation.

"I don't quite care how you spell your name or where you come from. All I care about is when are you going home. You always make a mess of things down here, Alice. And you always drag the Hatter into them."

"I don't mean to be trouble." Alice worried over the idea of being thrown in some sort of prison. The dormouse shook her head.

"It's too late. No doubt you've already started being trouble. You created quite the muddle at our tea party."

"It was mad to begin with! How can I add insanity to what already is?" Alice threw her hands out in protest. The mouse just shook her head in disdain again.

"Do your best to stay out of trouble, Alice. Else someone will have to clean up your mess for you all over again." The mouse hopped off into the thick grasses that grew around the path. Alice saw the blades sway as the rodent moved further away.

"That Mally was certainly a rude one," Alice pondered to herself but shrugged off the creature's harsh words. It wasn't as if the Dormouse would haunt her every day. She was, after all, a figment of her imagination.

_Oh, tell us are you big or small_

_To try this one or try them all_

_It's such a long, long way to fall_

_Alice, Alice, oh, Alice_

Alice had found herself even further down the path than she was before when she heard a strange voice in her ear. "Why it's Alice, the Alice!" It cried. Alice was frightened ever so much by the noise that it caused her to jump and give a large shriek.

"Who's there?" She cried out, batting at her hair.

"It's just me the gnat." It responded. The gnat grew larger as it jumped from her shoulder. Alice was slightly terrified at the bug that was now the size of a large chicken, it looked up at her with its large insect like eyes. Alice found herself repulsed as it hopped closer to her.

"Who are you? I don't remember you." The woman shrieked at the bug. The gnat fluttered its wings with sadness.

"No, no I suppose you don't. There are many who travel through my woods and don't even remember who they are. They've wandered here or there, near and far. They wander among the brush and tree, they travel and cross a deep blue sea. But, Alice, they never return to me. No matter how much I wait they never come back to be."

"That was a quaint little verse." Alice said as she watched the gnat, now a little less frightened by it. "But who are you?"

"Who I am is not of any consequence. Who you are has far greater gravity than even I can believe." The gnat replied to her. "As you said yourself: You won't remember me." The phrasing of that line took Alice back to another person who said the same thing. Her thoughts went back to the man in the top hat and his brilliant green eyes.

"Well, since this is now the first time we have met, and I will be sure to remember this time, I am Alice. And what is your name?"

"Alice, is this your normal size?" The gnat fluttered his wings, ignoring her question.

"Why, yes I am indeed this normal size. What other sizes might I be?" Alice laughed slightly.

"Well you've been quite big in Underland, nearly crushing people. You've been quite small as well. Possibly even smaller than me."

"Well, in my dream I seem to change sizes like that, I will agree."

"No, Alice. You fall. You fall through rabbit holes, you fall through mirrors. Alice, you always come to us from far distances. I can imagine how one can forget everything with all the shock to one's brain, landing on the head."

"I did land on my head," Alice said as her left hand subconsciously flew to the side of her head. "Are the part of me that recognizes how I am feeling before I awake? Taking note of every bump and bruise in my body?"

"Alice, the smash must have hurt you quite badly. Talking of Underland as if it is something you dream." The gnat said to her. "But I really must be off. Alice, just be careful to remember what you know and what you imagine." The gnat fluttered his wings and hopped away, shrinking to his smaller size again. Alice shook her head, perplexed.

"That's the question I've been asking myself since I got here." She breathed to herself.

_How can you know this way not that?_

_You choose the door you choose the path_

_Perhaps you should be coming back_

_Another day, another day_

_And nothing is quite what is seems_

_You're dreaming are you dreaming, oh, Alice?_

_(Oh, how will you find your way? Oh, how will you find your way?)_

_(There's no time for tears today. There's no time for tears today.)_

Alice found herself not too far down from the path when she ran into another insect. It dragged itself pitifully across the road and immediately Alice felt pity for the poor creature. She ran up to the strange thing, falling to her knees beside it.

"Oh, you poor dear." She said as she stroked the bug, trying to soothe it. As she looked ever the creature she had so eagerly rushed to help, she noticed that it was quite odd looking. Its wings were pieces of bread, its body a piece of crust, and its head a lump of sugar. It was weakly trying to pull away from her but Alice only tightened her grip. "It's alright, little one. I'm not going to hurt you. Please let me know what I can do for you." She said, stroking the lump of sugar upon the crust. The insect fluttered its wings a little.

"I need some weak tea with cream." It breathed.

"You are hungry?" Alice asked. The creature nodded its sugar lump in response.

"I haven't eaten in so many days."

"Oh, my! But of course! We will find you weak tea with cream at once."

"It's not use, Alice. This is how I am going to be going." He answered. "This is what I was meant to do. Live for a little bit, then die of starvation. It's the bread-and-butterfly life cycle." He whispered. Alice shook her head.

"No, we can make it through this! We can get you something to eat."

"Alice, I am so glad I was able to see you come back." The bread-and-butterfly said to her. "We didn't think you were ever going to be coming back. Perhaps this is all a dream, a hallucination before I die." His little black eyes looked thoughtfully up into Alice's face. The girl smiled solemnly.

"Nothing is quite as it appears here, is it?" She asked as she stroked the dying insects back now. The creature looked forward again.

"That is the ebb and flow in Underland. Sometimes things seem like they are in a dream but it's actually reality." The bug answered. "I always fought the idea that I would die if I didn't drink that terrible weak tea stuff. I thought it wasn't possible for me to live it solely. But it was the truth, I kept running away from the reality, now look what it's done! It's killing me."

"Shhh." Alice whispered to the bug, like a mother would to her child.

"Don't deny that things in life could be a possibility because they seem irrational. Please, Alice, learn that sometimes dreams are things that are truly happening." The insect breathed. Alice felt tears slipping down her cheeks. "Please don't waste time on tears for me, Alice. There is no time in the day for tears to be falling. Instead, learn from what I have told you."

"I will try my very best."

"Don't try, Alice, do!" The bread-and-butterfly said gently.

"Oh, Mr. Bread-and-Butterfly, why can't these dreams if they are so real actually appear that way?"

"Because we have lost faith in dreams ever becoming real. When they do, it takes us by surprise and we deem it impossible."

"And nothing is impossible if you believe it to be so." Alice said and nodded her head.

"Just remember that Alice."

"But aren't some dreams just dreams?" She asked him as she stroked his head.

"Some dreams remain dreams but that is when we must go and make them a reality." He answered and fluttered his wings. "Stay awhile with me, Alice. You make me feel less lonely."

"Of course," Alice responded and stroked the creatures head. Before long the wings of the creature dropped, its body crumpled inward, and Alice watched as the wind blew it out of her lap and into the sky.

"This is a very terrible dream!" Alice said aloud. "Poor, innocent creatures dying! What short of a terrible place have I made up in my mind?" She felt the tears rolling down her cheeks and roughly brushed them away. "I'm going to wake up! I will make sure that I write that book when I do. It was my dream, it will become my reality." She felt much better as she made this statement to herself. Indeed she would tell her tale anew when she woke up from this nightmare. Assuming that she still had her memory so that she could indeed make the impossible happen. She wiped the last remaining tears from her eyes with her thumb, got up from the road, and set on down the path. She wasn't quite sure where she was going but she always seemed to find the right way before.

_So many doors – how did you chose_

_So much to gain so much to lose_

_So many things got in your way_

_No time today, no time today_

_Be careful not to lose your head_

_Remember what the dormouse said…Alice!_

The path seemed to go in endless circles and Alice was sure that she had passed this garden gate again and again. She just wanted to find her way off this path without having to enter that forest ever again. She was beginning to fear that the possibility of that was unlikely. Her feet hurt from wandering the rough path with no shoes on, her feet accustomed to shoes. Pleased, Alice spotted a log in the distance and she hobbled over to it. She eased herself onto the log and sighed as her weight moved from her inflamed feet to her backside now.

It had to be noon, the yellow sun was so far up in the sky and it shined down on Alice. She felt tired and miserable but she wouldn't let her desires slow her down. She had gone through much more difficult terrain in China, when her crew had gotten stranded along one of the mountainside paths. It had snowed then; she feared she'd lose her toes to the cold. But she hadn't; Alice had pressed on and lived through the experience. And she knew she wouldn't be able to wake up then. That was when she relied on those memories of this place to pull herself through. She had told the crew all her fascinating stories of a land not too unlike our own in appearance but quite separate in actuality. Alice smiled to herself as she remembered how it lifted the crew's spirits then.

But that winter had hardened Alice. She knew she was becoming less of the starry eyed girl she once was. Life wasn't easy in reality for those who were pressing on, trying to make the impossible something that could actually happen. She knew she had given parts of her hopefulness and parts of her compassion to the world. If she wanted something she would demand it, she would claw for it. Alice mourned the idea of ever becoming that way. But that was what she needed to do when things had gotten in her way. She climbed around them, through them, hit them, scratched them. Here, it was so much easier. People here seemed to respect that Alice was on a mission to do something great; whatever that something was she still wasn't sure.

"A glorious afternoon we are having, aren't we?" A voice said from behind Alice, startling her off the log. The girl blinked up into the sunlight to see a strange looking bird dressed regally looking back down at her. "There isn't much sense from enjoying it down there though."

"Who are you?" Alice inquired. The blue hued bird stepped took a step back in offense and uttered a small gasp.

"Are you the wrong Alice again? McTwisp ought to have been smarter on tracking down our Champion on his last visit. I knew that one of them would wander themselves right down that rabbit hole again!" He harrumphed.

"Well, if Alice Kingsleigh of London, England is the wrong Alice than you would be correct. I've been told several times today that I am the Champion." She snapped at the bird. The creature gave a satisfied laugh.

"Indeed. Our Champion has seemed to developed a slight…wit…about her." The bird laughed. "My name, as I shall remind you this once, is Uilleam Dodo. I am at your service." He bowed to the girl. Alice shook her head.

"Mr. Dodo…that's right I met you at that silly race when I was little girl." Alice said, the race being one of the things in her dream that she clearly remembered. She giggled to herself as she recalled that she had tried to trick Hamish into running that silly race with her after getting trapped in a sudden rain shower.

"The Caucus Race. If I remember you were a terrible runner and gave terrible prizes." The dodo replied. "You have returned to Underland once again then, dear Champion, as you promised?" The dodo held out a wing to help her up. Alice took it and was surprised that the studious looking bird had enough strength to pull her to her feet.

"Well, if you are implying that I am having another nightmare because I've fallen on my head, then yes I am."

"A nightmare?" The dodo laughed. "My dearest, I don't think this is a nightmare."

"Please," Alice tried to again avoid the subject of reality and non reality. She was still quite shaken by her conversation with the now dead bread-and-butterfly. Why did everyone here want to talk about how her dream was real anyways? What consequence was it to them? "I just want to get off this path. I feel that I've been wandering the same way for most of the day."

"Ahhh, you've gotten yourself stuck on the Duchess' gyring path, have you now?" The dodo said, looking back toward the way Alice had come. "The only way you'll be able to get off of it is to go through the Tugley Woods. I would give you other directions but you can't very much get through this place if you don't know where you are now." He replied. Alice shuddered.

"Do you mean the woods back there?" She asked.

"But of course."

"I already went there! There's a mad hare and a mad.."

"Hatter…Tarrant? But he's quite tame these days, especially when it comes to you, Alice Kingsleigh." He said with a wink. "You will be quite safe if you find him again. I am sure if you asked, kindly or not, he would eagerly give you a tour of Underland."

"And help me find the way out."

"Oh but of course. If you choose to leave this time, that is."

"Thank you, Mr. Dodo." Alice said, quickly heading toward the woods again. She didn't like the idea of having to go back from whence she came.

"Oh and Alice!" The dodo called. Alice paused to turn around. "Remember what the dormouse said." The bird ruffled his feathers and laughed. Alice shook her head. She couldn't remember anything. Perhaps it would surface on her way to the woods.

_Did someone pull you by the hand?_

_How many miles to Wonderland?_

_Please tell us so we'll understand_

_Alice…Alice…Oh, Alice_

Alice was making her way to the woods when she saw the damned creature.

"Hey! You!" Alice screamed and the white rabbit that was heading into the garden paused. He turned to look and saw Alice. "You did this to me! What are you? Something I eat that doesn't agree with my stomach? Are you a drug that I keep using without realizing it?" She approached the White Rabbit with rage. "What did I do to you that you keep pulling me down a hole so that I land right on the top of my head?"

"Alice?" The creature shook.

"Don't 'Alice' me! I want some straight answers! And I do very much think I deserve them!"

"Alice, I am sorry I pulled you in this time! We have missed you so and it's been years since you've come back. We've also feared maybe the madness was settling back in-"

"Why am I responsible for everything that happens in this land? What if I never wanted to come back here but you keep pulling me back in my dreams. Every night! I see you and I see these people every night in my dreams with no way to stop them!"

"You dream of us, Alice?" The rabbit said with joy.

"It's not a delightful, wonderful adventure that goes through my head. After this dream, when I wake up, will you stop pulling me however many miles it takes to get to this place? I will stop eating even chocolate if it means that I will never come back here."

"But Alice, this is your home." The rabbit sniffed.

"This is not my home. My home is in London, England. I don't need this to complicate what is already hard to decide. This is incredible, this place makes me feel like I ought to be here. That I was meant to be here and not in that other world."

"But Alice, that is wonderful. We knew you would feel that way."

"So you are going to drive me mad? Is that the answer?" Alice said angrily.

"No, Alice we aren't driving you anything. We haven't brought those nightmares to you. Maybe they come because they know you want to be here."

"No! This is a dream! This isn't somewhere that I can go to and stay forever!" Alice balled her fists at her side. "This doesn't chase away the fact that I have a fiancé that I will never please, a social class I will never fit into! This does not fix anything about my world. It only drives me madder! Leave me be, please Mr. White Rabbit!" Alice said.

The white rabbit looked up at Alice, quivering. Then he turned and bolted through the iron gates. Alice was tempted to try to go after him but she knew that she needed to find this way to get home, to wake back up. She was going to have to enter those dreaded woods again. Breathing deeply to try to tame the emotions that were coursing through her body, Alice made her way down the path again. The woods seemed even closer this time around and she paused at their opening. There were no signs to lead her this time and she knew that she'd have to hope that the roads here led her like they always seemed to do. She looked back down the path one more time then took her steps into the deep woods.

_(Oh how will you find you way? … Oh, how will you find you way?)_


	11. Always Running Out of Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Always Running Out of Time" song by Motion City Soundtrack

_I won't tell you how to live your life_   
_So please stay far away from mine_   
_Always watching out for which and whethers_   
_Is always running out of time_   
_Drip drap, peeling back the skin of summer_   
_Autumns, everything aligns_   
_Inside-out and I'm without my heart_   
_Is always running out of time_   
_Always running out of time_

Alice made her way through the woods and was wary this time of all the noises around her. No use running into any more dangerous creatures. Her dream this time didn't quite work like it did all the other times, waking her up when the going became rough. She pressed forward in her dream and she could feel her heart guarding itself as it did when she had to make a tough business deal. It was something she could literally feel as well; perhaps it was a warning to her mind. It was telling her that her heart was becoming harder so that she could stop it before it turned to stone. Alice laughed at the ridiculous notion.

"What are you laughing at? Have you gone as mad as your man?" A voice came from nowhere. Alice was startled, especially since she couldn't find where the voice was coming from. She looked all about her but still; nothing was in the bushes or the trees that could have possibly said it. "Really, Alice, have you forgotten me already?" A smile appeared in the wind in front of her. Alice jumped back.

"Are you that crazy cat from my dreams?"

"Why! I am honored! You remember even I! Mere Chess." The teal and gray cat fully appeared before the woman. "And you've wandered back to Underland forgetting everything that has happened before. That can't mean very good things, can it now?" He purred.

"Listen, I would prefer if you would just leave me alone for the time being. You are probably going to scold me on how I should realize that this is an actual land and that I shouldn't be thinking it's a dream all the time." Alice said, discouraged. The cat laughed and flicked his tail.

"My dear, I will never tell you what you should or shouldn't be thinking. Or where you should or shouldn't be. All I ask if that you do the same for me." He smiled his Cheshire Cat smile.

"Sounds like a deal to me." Alice said with the nod of her head. "I don't much like being told what to do."

"We know that very well, Alice." The cat purred. "Where are you off to anyways, dear one?"

"The Dodo told me to find the Mad Hatter." Alice said, looking at the cat.

"You found him earlier though, didn't you?"

"Yes, yes I did."

"Was it a pleasant exchange?" The cat purred. Alice felt her lips where the madman had kissed her. It was a very pleasant and confusing exchange, but she wasn't about to admit that to this cat.

"It was…shocking." Alice finally said.

"So, you are off to find Tarrant Hightopp." The cat purred. "I suppose I could help you along your way."

"Oh, that would be wonderful!" Alice exclaimed. "I'm afraid I have been stuck on the same path for much of the afternoon and I don't really want to wander in circles anymore." She said. The cat flicked his tail and smiled as he lounged in midair.

"Follow me then," He said and disappeared. Alice spun in a circle before finding him down a path that went to her left. With a smile she went after the cat, glad that she was finally able to find some way of direction in Underland.

_Drip drop, try to stop the forward motion_   
_All hands tend to fall behind_   
_Wasted whethers of the witch got steeper_   
_Is always running out of time_   
_Always running out of time_

The cat floated ahead of Alice as they made their way through the woods. Alice didn't mind the lack of speech as he said nothing to her. She was finally able to push all the thoughts of this dream being a reality from her mind for now, concentrating on the book she was going to start again when she finally woke up. Waking up wasn't going to be a very enjoyable experience, that bump was going to hurt something horrible. She sighed at that idea and the cat turned his head to look at her.

"Is something the matter?" He asked nonchalantly.

"What? No!" Alice said, shaking her blonde curls. "I was just thinking about how badly my head is going to hurt when I awake from this dream."

"And what are you going to do when you do awake from it?" The cat purred, rolling over on his back and resting his head on his now crossed arms. He was floating backwards and it worried Alice a little. She was a bit afraid that he would run into something if he weren't careful.

"I suppose I should go and find Bayne, I would imagine that he is a bit upset with me that I wandered off from the party like that. I didn't exactly tell him that I was going off to chase that stupid white rabbit."

"McTwisp was merely trying to get you back to us, Alice. You made a promise after all." The cat flicked his tail.

"I made a promise that I have kept every night when I lay my head on a pillow." She said. "But that's not what I am worried about. I would hate to embarrass Bayne by not being there when he announces me as his fiancé."

"Fiancé?" The cat smiled. "Are you sure that you still want to see Tarrant?" He purred. The girl's eyebrows stitched together in confusion.

"Yes, of course. If he can get me home."

"Home. Home. Home. Click your heels together three times and perhaps you'll get there." He purred. "That's what I am told will help if you are in the land above the Upperlands."

"That isn't very helpful!" Alice glared at the cat.

"Tell me about this fiancé you have, dear Champion." The cat ignored her outburst.

"His name is Bayne Johnson. I met him while working in Lord Ascot's company as an apprentice. He is a wealthy merchant who controls most of Lord Ascot's markets in England."

"He sounds like he would be an uptight prick."

"Well…he is." Alice painfully admitted.

"Sounds like a perfect match for you." The cat's voice was filled with sarcasm and he looked at her with disdain.

"He'll do me good. You must know this cat; you are always in my dreams. There are times to be a silly little girl and there are times to be a proper lady."

"I prefer a deliriously mad Alice to one that has the heart of a Red Queen." The cat sneered. "You seem so very jaded, Alice."

"Jaded? Perhaps." Alice answered. She didn't really approve of the word being used about her personality. She would have liked to think that she had just experienced life. She had learned all she could from her travels. Not that her travels had torn her apart into small pieces.

"There must be pretty slurvish people up where you hail from." Chess flicked his tail and rolled over on his stomach. Alice shook her head.

"I'm not quite sure I know what that means."

"Self involved." He looked at her again before vanishing and appearing up the trail again. Yes, there were very slurvish people up there. Perhaps, Alice hated to think of the idea, but perhaps she had become a bit slurvish herself. She shook her head and continued onward after the cat.

_I have to know_   
_If you'll float away with me_   
_The faster I go_   
_The further away it seems you get_   
_Are we floating nowhere yet_

Alice continued on after the cat in silence. Her dress was becoming dirty from climbing over the logs he merely floated over or squeezing through rather tightly spaced trees. She feared there wouldn't be much left of the skirt if she tore another inch or so more of the hem. It already looked as if it had been chewed by thousands of little creatures, hovering very close to her mid thigh. She was becoming a bit chilly due to the cold air but she pressed on none the less. The cat turned to look at her again.

"So, Alice, you very much think that this place isn't very real. But let's play a game."

"Yes, let's pretend," Alice groaned, tired and out of breath as she clambered over another fallen tree.

"It's a very splendid game!" He agreed and flicked his tail, turning on his back again. "Let's pretend this place is real."

"Alright, that's fair game. As long as you won't tell me that it is." She said, her hand slipping on moss. She landed on the log on her chest.

"I already told you, Alice, I will never tell you what to think-"

"-or how to live. Yes, we've been over this."

"There is no need to become short with me, Alice! Remember, always hold your temper."

"I'm rather sorry, Mister Cat. Excuse me if I am tired, hungry, dirty, and a little bit cold." She answered.

"We are almost to where we need be." He answered. "We can play this pretend game until then." He answered.

"Fine! I suppose it will pass the time anyways." Alice said as she got up from the log.

"Let us suppose this land is real. Would you stay with us?" He smiled.

"I want to," Alice said but she didn't want to say yes. "I would love to stay here where the fantastic is possible. But I have so many things that I promised to people up there already."

"So you would rather stay with someone who is going to…force…his mind upon you if you don't agree."

"What do you mean, cat?" She demanded.

"Have you looked upon your face since you've been here, love?" He purred.

"What do you mean?" She asked, placing her hand on her cheek.

"I think that you've found that your past has left a bit of a…mark." He smiled his feline smile again and turned over on his stomach as he floated through the air. Alice placed a hand on her cheek again.

"Well, it was just a reaction. Like you said, always hold your temper." Alice answered. "I should be wise to pass that grain of knowledge onto him when I return to…wherever I return to."

"The Upperlands."

"Yes. My home."

"Ah, but we are still playing pretend, Alice. We are pretending you could decide which place would be your home. And you still haven't decided." He looked back at her.

"I suppose it would be one of those situations where you just wouldn't know what you would choose unless it was to really happen."

"But shouldn't you be prepared for those just as well?"

"You could always pose the question to yourself but you just never really know how you would choose. Such as: if the one you loved were threatened would take their place to die instead."

"Well would you? Would you take Bayne's place to die instead?"

"Probably not." Alice responded, ashamed at her answer.

"But you know the answer to that question right then and there. Why do you not know the answer to this one?"

"I don't love Bayne." She snapped. "I said the one you loved. Since you are all in my head I might as well reveal my cards now. I really do not love him."

"Then why ever would you want to go back to your boring life, Alice? That doesn't make much sense."

"Isn't this the land of ill sense? And besides, my mother is still up there and I promised to care for her. My sister is quite busy with her own life and my father has passed on. Who will be there for her?"

"Then who will be there for you, Alice?"

"I don't very much like this game of let's pretend anymore. You told me you wouldn't tell me how to live my life."

"And I'm not. I'm merely asking questions according your actions."

"Are we almost to this resting place already?" Alice asked. This cat was asking the wrong questions, bringing out truths that Alice very much wanted to keep covered even about herself. Sometimes she found that when she lied to herself about the horrible things she was about to agree upon she could still go through with it. But when she knew that in the end only worse would come out, she couldn't bring herself to do it. Unless it benefited someone, like her marriage to Bayne would help her mother. What did this cat know about mothers or marriages anyways? Alice ignored the cat's glance back and was glad when he didn't add anymore questions to her burning internal fire.

_With all of me white_   
_And all of her red_   
_I should have stayed_   
_But I lost my head_   
_With all of our rhymes_   
_Divorcing themselves_   
_I should have stayed_   
_But I lost my head_   
_I should have stayed_   
_But I lost myself_   
_Always running out of time_

The tree loomed in the distance and Alice smiled as she remembered that she had indeed seen this tree before.

"Why, Chess. Isn't this where we met the first time?" She went to stand at the trunk of the tree, looking up into one of the plant's prime branches which the cat lounged upon.

"I am surprised you remembered this out of all things, Alice." He said with a satisfied purr.

"There are several things which I do remember." Alice looked up to the cat, placing her hands on her hips. "Sometimes they get jumbled in all that I don't." She responded.

"We will have to wait here." He said, looking down to her again.

"Wait here for what?" She asked and frowned.

"For your guide," He flicked his tail in a rhythmic pattern. "May we play 'let's pretend' one last time, Alice?"

"If it is one last time, cat, we shall." She smiled up at him. She liked this creature, a small part of her realized as she looked up at him.

"Let's pretend once again this place is real, Alice. Let's pretend that you were given once last chance to decide to live here."

"Cat, why do we always play that this place is real?"

"Because this is quite a fun reality to pretend, now stop interrupting."

"I am sorry." Alice said and looked up at the cat, folding her hands behind her back. "Please continue."

"Let us pretend, Alice, that this was your last chance to decide. That if you left this world, if you woke up from your dream, that you would never be able to return to this place." He smiled.

"Well, I think that would be a rather concept to imagine. If I wanted to go back to China, I could, regardless if I was married or had left the first time."

"Ah! But this isn't China, Alice. In our pretending we are still accepting that this place is not like any in your world, in your time. It's what it is, here and now, it's Underland. And you couldn't easily skip to your Upperland then down to our Underland anytime you so pleased."

"That does change the predicament, I suppose."

"And if you are off to get married, Alice, that means you are off to children. You are off to having many people and places and things relying on you. You would have no chance to hop back down that rabbit hole or crawl through a mirror to return to this place."

"We are imagining still aren't we?"

The cat continued on, ignoring Alice's question. "Alice, you are running out of time. Stop making decisions too late. Start making them now, Alice." He said.

"Chess!" Alice cried out but the cat had already begun to dissolve into thin air.

"Alice, make your decision soon. Either way you decide you won't be able to erase it."

"Cat!" Alice cried but the smile had disappeared as well. Alice found herself torn. "It was just a game of let's pretend, Alice! Get a grip on yourself before you lose it in your own dream!" She said.

A wind blew and Alice shivered. The tree had a small crevice that she saw she could tuck herself into. She climbed into the roots of the tree, pressing herself against the rough bark. It scratched her skin and burned a little.

"I wish this dream would stop feeling so real!" She lay her head back on the trunk and began her wait for the next thing that would lead her along the path in this unexplainable land.


	12. Topsy Turvy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Topsy Turvy" song by Family Force 5

_Maybe I'm crazy_   
_What did I fall into_   
_Lookin' for a key to a door that I can't get through_   
_Just maybe_   
_I'm crazy_   
_Don't you know, don't you know I'm going under_   
_Just maybe_   
_In a world of wonder_   
_Wonder_

Alice wasn't quite sure how long she had sat underneath that tree. She had curled into a small ball against the bark, her shoulders wracked with sobs. She had never experienced the nightmare like this where it was so real. She wanted to wake up, if there was any way she could think of aside from death in the dream she would be willing to try it. Alice pressed her head back up against the bark as she tried to slow the tears that were making their way down her pale cheeks.

The woods were growing darker, with that darkness was bitter cold. She wasn't sure how she was going to spend her second night in Underland. These woods weren't like the starlit fields she had made herself cozy in the night before. She needed to find shelter if she wanted to avoid the harsh wind. "Perhaps the cold will wake me." She thought aloud to herself. "What's that?" She cocked her head up; her ears had picked up the slightest noise. It was the sound of footsteps combined with a hum. Someone was coming her way and they were humming! Oh what luck! Alice didn't stop once to think as she jumped to her feet in ecstasy. What she saw next stopped her dead in her tracks.

Here came the Hatter. The guide she had been waiting hours for underneath the tree. His bright green eyes caught hers immediately and Alice knew that she had to go with him. She took a shaky breath, attempting to completely stop the small stream of tears that refused to cease. She brushed her cheeks quickly as he came closer.

"Beneath the Tum-Tum tree, of course I should have guessed sooner!" He said with his crooked smile. Alice nervously folded her hands behind her back.

"R-r-right," She answered with a stutter caused by the cold and her tears. "I-I-I've been waiting for h-h-hours for you to f-f-f-f-f-finally arrive." She tried her best to control her lips and teeth as the shivered.

"Whatever is the matter dear?" He came closer, putting a gloved hand on her cheek. "Why you've been crying sweet tears." He thumbed a small one that snuck out of the corner of her eye. The warmth of his finger made her shiver furiously. His hand went from her cheek to her arm and his smile dropped.

"Please, Mr. Hightop-p-p-p," She fought for control over her body. "Just take me where we need to get."

"You are cold," He looked to her and with a quick motion his jacket was off. Alice's eyes widened at him.

"N-n-n-o, really, I'm f-f-f-fine."

"And that is why your teeth are doing a futterwacken I could be jealous of right now?" He smiled and handed her forth the coat. She took it, slipping it onto her bare arms. It went all the way to her knees, giving at least her mostly bare thighs some warmth. Indeed the jacket was already warmed with the body heat of the stranger.

It smelled like him as well, Alice smiled at the scent. It was very comforting to her, smells of sweets and tea and something else she couldn't quite identify. It smelled friendly if a scent could indeed possess character. She buttoned the front up, hugging herself close as the man watched. His green eyes looked at her face as a smile once again appeared on his lips. "I am sorry to leave you out in the cold like this, such very bad manners on my part. But my home isn't far from here and I assure you it is very warm and it has a wonderful bed upon which you can lay your head. Have I made a rhyme?"

"You have, sir. I am not too comfortable with your proposition though." She fibbed. "A young lady going home with a gentleman alone, is that proper?"

"Why should I care what's proper?" He laughed at her. "I thought you weren't much for following all the laws according to their silly little letters."

"In this circumstance I think it would be best I should," Alice said with a slight upturn of the nose.

"Alice, what if you were to wake up and find this all to be a dream?" He asked, holding his hand out. "Wouldn't you want to see all this grand place before you actually lifted your head from its resting."

"It's tempting," Alice admitted but pulled the coat tighter around her body. "Fine, I will accept your hospitality for one night then I shall be on my way in the morning." She bit her lip as the man smiled at her again.

"Aye, me lassie," He agreed with a twirl of the hat and a bend at the waist of a bow. Alice gestured forward with one hand.

"Onward then?"

"Onward to the resident of the Hightopps!" He nodded and led the way, Alice following close behind as the wind began to pick up.

_Talkin' to myself_   
_What do I have to lose_   
_Wish upon a star_   
_Fell so far from the truth_   
_Just maybe_   
_I'm crazy_   
_Don't you know, don't you know I'm going under_   
_Just maybe_   
_In a world of wonder_   
_Wonder_

The two weary travelers stumbled into the doorway of the house as the clouds above gave way to a pelting rainstorm. Alice shivered in the coat as the cold left her body, she watched as the mad man went over to the small fire.

"Appears as if Mally and that crazy old hare have been here recently." He said with a smile. Alice looked around the house. It was empty, he must live here alone. She hadn't seen a wedding band upon his finger.

 _But of course not, Alice you dolt! This is_ your _dream! Your dream wants you to be engaged in him, to watch his every move, to feel comfortable. It wants you to fall in love with him._ For the second time that day she pressed a finger to her lip as she watched him. He removed his hat and placed it on a table that sat next to a dilapidated couch which was placed a healthy distance from the hearth. He beckoned for her to come closer.

"Come, fair one, warm yourself by the fire." He smiled at her. "I've got something else that'll keep you warm I should imagine." He said with a wink and a smile.

Alice kept telling herself over and over again that this was just a dream. She was going to wake up and he was going to be no more. She could accept this hospitality; he wasn't going to eat her after all. She precariously approached the couch as he backed away from her. He was treating her as one would treat a trapped and wounded wild animal, it made Alice smile a little. She could be that dangerous, she could pounce on him at any moment. He would have no idea what fury he'd unleashed from the quick tempered maiden. Alice gained confidence at the thought and walked with more pride toward the warmth that was emanating from the fire. The warmth felt good and she was reminded of the last time she had curled up in front of flames. It had been that night before, the night in her world anyways. She blocked that memory from her mind, not wanting to think about her argument with Bayne. Why was she so willing to attack this poor stranger that was offering her shelter and warmth but couldn't stand up to her callous, slurvish (she smiled at her use of the word) fiancé. She finally crept onto the couch.

"Can I get you anything to drink, tea perhaps? With sugar? Milk? Or do you prefer juices? I can't say I have much in the house besides jam and butter and bread. Some mustard perhaps but that's more for fixing the clockwork. And besides mustard all on its own isn't that pleasant tasting. Perhaps you would like a piece of cake or maybe a scone or-"

"Bread and butter are fine, thank you." Alice interrupted the man as words began to fly from his mouth. He nodded his head before disappearing into another room.

Alice brought her knees up in front of her chest, resting her chin upon them. She had shrugged off the Hatter's overcoat, placing it gently over the couch before settling into it. Now she was warming the backs of her bare thighs and her cold, worn feet. She felt naked, her underclothing completely ruined from all the shrinking, growing, and running through the woods. Her body was weary, her eyes dropped with exhaustion. This was a dream though? Why couldn't she just imagine a new dress, shake the exhaustion from her limbs? This dream was so much more complicated than all the other ones she had had before. She sighed as her head began to pound from her fatigue.

Tarrant's re-entering the room startled her head up. He entered with a chipped plate in one hand that contained a fine looking slice of warm, homemade bread that made Alice's hungry stomach churn. In the other he held a mug that had steam rising from the liquid that sloshed over the sides. It was tea; Alice could smell it from here. It was a very fruity smelling tea as well and Alice could feel it causing her parched tongue to swell in anticipation. He gently handed her the plate and the cup.

"I put two lumps of sugar in it," He said with a crooked smile. "If it's a bit off I can always brew another, tea is one of the things I am never short of."

"Thank you,"

"I shall go get your other surprise! Oh, Alice, you will love it I should think." He rushed off before she had time to answer.

She was alone again in the room and the emptiness was starting to press on her chest. She just wanted to wake up from this nightmare and go home. She wanted to crawl into her mother's arms like she had when she was little and gotten a scrape on her knee. She wanted to feel that protection that only a family can offer.

She had felt it many times in Asia, surrounded by men that always seemed tougher than the elements around them. Alice was tough but she was still a lady, she longed for a companion that would genuinely listen to her. But Alice had accepted that she was going to be alone for the journey, just as she was going to be alone for a short time in her dream.

"Just like I will be when I marry Bayne Johnson." She sighed. She had admitted this truth so many times over in her brain, in her dream. But she couldn't make it manifest itself in her life. She didn't want to be with him for the rest of her life. She wanted to be with someone like the man in the next room who seemed eager to wait on her every need. Alice pushed her mind from that and began to eat the bread with butter. She scarfed it down in a very unlady-like manner. Next she turned to the tea which she had gulped a good amount of before Tarrant had returned. In one hand he held cotton looking material that billowed in the slight draft of the house. On the other arm was draped heavy material, the color of rouge. Her eyebrows crossed in curiosity as she looked at the materials. She took another sip of her tea.

"This is a night gown for you to wear." He began with a slight blush in his cheeks as he placed the material on the top of the couch so she could retrieve it. It was a brilliant white color, a ribbon tied at the bottom of the bust with a blue ribbon. The sleeves were adorned with lace and the bottom was hemmed with the same material. The clothing was warm, her hand enjoyed the texture. The next he held up for her to examine.

It was a plain traveling dress, small stitching on the back near the rounded backside and a small design in between where her shoulder blades would be. He laid it on the couch and she saw the front. It was designed so that she could button it up the front with ease. It was modest, going all the way to her throat, looking extremely warm as well. She touched the soft fabric and smiled. "There's a hat for the dress as well, but you won't need that until tomorrow." He smiled at her. Alice was dumbfounded by his generosity. The feeling that was welling up in her brought tears to her eyes now. They spilled over the rims and down her cheeks.

"Oh Alice!" He cried out. "Have I done something wrong?"

"No! No, the dresses are beautiful; I cannot begin to thank you enough. I just-"

"You want to return home, right lass?" He asked gently. Alice looked up to him and saw he was moving to sit on the couch with her. "I promise you will find your home once again." He whispered. Alice adored the slight lisp in his speech. He took the mug from her hands, placing it on the hardwood floor before the couch. Then he took her hands in his as he sat down next to her.

"I'm sorry I'm crying. This is very silly of me."

"You look tired, fair one; I am sure after a good night's rest that Time will have you all back together in a jiffy." He smiled at her, his eyes a bit askew. Alice nodded her head.

"Thank you, once again, Mr. Hightopp." She said. She stood, taking the dresses in her hand. "Where would you like to retire for the evening?"

"I'll lead you." He said, jumping up and nearly upsetting the tea cup. He shook his hands as if shaking the nervousness that had taken over his body out through them. Then he began to head toward the door to the left. Alice gathered the clothing articles in her arms, glad to be wearing something new and whole tonight.

He lead her down a hall way that turned slightly every few paces, as if going in a circle. She realized now that they had returned to the windmill, she hadn't made out where his house was because of the darkness and the rain clouds. He finally stopped and turned to a door, his hand turning the knob and sending it open with a creak. Alice looked into the room that was furnished with green. "It was my younger sister's room. Green was her favorite."

"Thank you, Hatter." She said entering the room. The bed was large, a green and white plaid comforter sat upon the top. Alice turned to Tarrant as he watched her enter the room. She went back to the door, her hand wrapping around the knob. "Thank you for everything." Quickly, before she had time to change her mind she leaned forward and kissed his cheek chastely. Then she closed the door faster than even she thought she could.

_I've lost my way_   
_Hey_   
_I want to come home_   
_Someone take me away_   
_Hey_   
_I'm coming home_

Alice slowly stripped the tattered clothing that adorned her body from her pale skin and reached for the night gown that she had strewn over the bed. She grabbed it in her hands and pulled it close to her chest against her breasts with their erect nipples. She was chilly in this room but the effect was not as bad as being exposed to the wind.

Turning, Alice proceeded to make her way to a window that she noticed hung on a far wall. She watched in the glass as she approached closer, her pallid and bruised face staring straight back at her. Alice saw the bruise upon her cheek for the first time and the sight of it almost caused her to gasp. It was indeed in the shape of a hand print, though it had faded no doubt in her time in the dream. She shook her head; it was probably not this bad on her body that lay in the rabbit hole. It might be a bit pink but Bayne would certainly never hit her hard enough to actually bruise. She placed a gentle fingertip upon the brownish yellow handprint as she closed her eyes. This reality she knew was so strange, the disoriented feeling she was coming to grips with only made her want to go home even more.

She opened her eyes in determination looking into the muddy green ones that looked back. They lacked the spark she had once seen in the mirror. This was reality; she had lost her….her muchness. That phrase always echoed in her head throughout the nightmare. It was from the mad man who walked about this house. She turned to the door as if expecting it to open but it stood solemnly closed. She shook the thoughts from her mind which caused her curly hair to bounce upon her bare back.

She slipped the nightgown over her head and it slid down her body in a beautiful wave. She smiled at the cushiony texture as it trapped her own warmth against her skin. The dress hugged her in the most comforting way; she had finally found the warm arms she had been looking for. Alice turned to look at the bed and the weariness that had been kept at bay throughout her chaotic morning began to overtake her body. She wanted to land in the bed to fall into the grips of a dream within a dream and never wake up.

Alice realized now how funny dreams were; how could one know that they were dreaming? How was she to know that this wasn't reality and her other life was merely a bad, tasteless dream she had been stuck in for years. Alice laughed at herself again. Her lack of sleep was causing her to think irrational thoughts once again. If she wasn't careful she was going to lose her way and never find her path again.

She gently settled her body on the bed, her muscles relaxing with an ache as the tension that help her together that whole day dissipated. She sighed as she lay her head on the soft pillow, arching her body so she could grab the comforter and blankets to slide beneath them. Once she had settled inside the cocoon of sheets, warmth enveloping her body, she let her mind wander before she drifted off. She was going to go home tomorrow! This wonderful Hightopp fellow was going to lead her home or at least somewhere where she could wake up again. Then she would go off to Bayne and tell him the engagement was over…Alice stopped herself. Indeed sleeplessness was driving her mad! Thinking she was going to tell Bayne it was over! That was madness! And the thought of Tarrant being wonderful, the thought was never finished as Alice's heavy eyelids dropped and she succumbed to sleep.

_Topsy (topsy) turvy (turvy)_   
_Wake me (wake me)_   
_I've had enough_   
_Topsy (topsy) turvy (turvy)_   
_Don't know (don't know)_   
_Which way is up_   
_Or down_   
_Tears on the ground_   
_Whatever I'm dreamin' of_   
_Topsy (topsy) turvy (turvy)_   
_Wake me (wake me)_   
_I've had enough_

Alice awoke in a much fouler mood than she suspected. The feeling of bewilderment had not yet left her mind and her body ached from all the travelling she had done yesterday. Sunlight filtered through the window that looked to the gloomy woods outside and it warmed her face.

She sat up in the bed, her hand pushing her long curly locks from her face. She looked over to see the wash basin already filled with water which prompted her to groggily crawl from her bed to go and cleanse her face. The water was cool against her porcelain skin leading to wakefulness to her tired eyes. She fumbled around for the towel, blinded by the water that dripped down her forehead into her eyes. She felt the soft clothe quickly bringing it to her face. She dabbed gently in a circle then down her neck, looking once more into the mirror.

The haunted look that filled her eyes last night was gone; there was a small light in those green orbs. Something was wakening in her but she wasn't in the mood to take a gander at what it could be. She noticed feminine underclothes were folded next to the water basin; she took them with a straight face. Shedding the night gown that was so careful crafted she let it fall to the floor. The cold air of the morning hit her bare body sending a shiver through her muscles.

Quickly she pulled the pantaloons on followed by the petty coat. The under blouse was decorated with little pale blue bows which brought a faint smile to Alice's pink lips. She noticed next that there was no corset. She sighed, how did this stranger know her so well? She turned to the dress once she had gotten her underclothes all together and pulled the outfit on. It buttoned perfectly and showed off Alice's womanly curves with exuberance. She ran a self conscious hand over her midsection before turning to confirm that her profile was just as complimentary. It was, Alice could hardly believe that this was crafted without a model.

"I've brought the most lovely of hats, though it's a shame to cover up all that wonderful Alice hair." A voice interrupted her thoughts. She turned, startled by it. There stood Tarrant in the doorway.

"How long have you been there?" She asked with irritation.

"I saw nothing!" His hands flew up in defense; his eyes went to the floor like a flustered schoolboy. Alice had to believe him, he did appear so innocent and he didn't seem to be the type that would just peep on a woman in her vulnerable state. Alice ran her hands down her bare arms as he had designed the dress lacking sleeves. The fabric instead ended slightly over the cover of her shoulder.

"Thank you for the dress, it's quite exquisite." She said with sincerity. The Hatter looked up again with a nervous glance but a smile erupted on her face.

"Come, let us go."

"I hate to be such a waste of time on your part. It seems you have many a thing to do today. If you would just point me in the right direction perhaps…"

"Alice, escorting you isn't a chore, it's an honor." He interrupted her with a straight face. She blinked her large green eyes at him and nodded her head in shock.

"I am flattered, Mr. Hightopp."

"No need for formality, Alice, we are old friends,"

"Alright, Tarrant, I have seen many things so far and I think you for the bed and the clothing but I hate to be a bother."

"Nonsense, off we go Alice!" He threw the hat upon the bed in his excitement and linked her arm. He quickly led her out of the room, down the hall, out the door, and once more into the Tugley Woods.

Alice's stomach turned as she was forced to go arm in arm with this stranger. In a horrid mood she was off to start this new adventure in this confusing land with the hopes of going home and losing the vertigo that only seemed to increase as she spent time here. The feeling came more from her conflicting feelings than anything in the environment. The creatures and people she had met thus far we making her heart go topsy turvy. As the Hatter let go of her arm and joyfully rushed ahead, coaxing her on, Alice felt tears once more stream down her face. Her heart was being wrenched, her tears were dropping to the ground, and she couldn't tell what she truly wanted anymore. It was time to be woken, she'd had enough.


	13. Follow Me Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Follow Me Down" song by 3OH!3 (feat. Neon Hitch)

_Take me, take me out of here_

_it makes me feel so, feel so_

_na-na-na-na-na._

_Baby, baby here we are all crazy_

_You don't have to worry_

_na-na-na-na-na._

It had been a perfectly horrid and stressful dream Alice decided; she was stuck in a world that contained nothing but nonsensical things and unreal conversations. And now she was stuck once again with this Hatter, Tarrant, and he stood in front of her now, a smile on his pale face. She looked around at the dark woods and then back to him. Why did he insist on following her and insist that she had been to this silly wonderland before in her life? Perhaps this was the type of world Alice dreamed of when she was younger but she was a grown woman now. She looked down at the engagement ring on her finger and sighed, childish things are to be left behind and fantasies certainly did not fit into the realm of adults. Alice knew she had to get back and out of this dream as soon as she could, else she'd sleep straight through the engagement party.

"Take me back. Wake me up. Whatever it takes get me out of here." She looked at the Hatter and made her demand known, they had been following a path for hours and for all she knew they were wandering in circles once again. Alice was not going to be going round and round for another whole day.

"Why ever would you want to leave a place such as Underland?" He said and his smile melted. The bushy red eyebrows that sat on his face crossed in confusion and she turned away.

"This place isn't real; it makes me feel so…so…juvenile." Alice proceeded toward one part of the forest, Tarrant stood still.

"You won't want to get out that way. You can't." He said and she turned to him in frustration.

"Perhaps I should just find a new guide to take me home, someone more…at home." She said as she realized she was asking for help from a _mad_ man. If only this world was like her own, possibly she could figure out which way up was from down. Here it seemed that up was down.

"We're all mad here, haven't you noticed this Alice?" He asked and approached her. She turned away from him again, he made her heart race and she wanted to trust him thoroughly. Something in her gut told her that everything was going to be just fine. "You don't remember any of this? There has to be something in the trees, the sky, the land that recalls some portion of your time here." He asked in dismay and Alice shook her head.

"I told you, I think I remember portions of this from a dream. I am dreaming again which means that all I must do is wake up again. But as I've already experienced falling and pinching doesn't do the trick it seems waking up is going to be harder then it appears to be. I need to get home; you must understand I am missing very important things." She said and turned to the woods again.

"You shouldn't worry about yourself here like you do Alice. Nothing here is going to hurt you, anymore." He said and she spun to look at him again.

"Whatever do you mean?" She took a step toward him, but kept her shoulders back and chest out to show that she didn't want him advancing any closer.

"The Red Queen isn't here. The only person you risk fighting anymore Alice is yourself." He looked at her curiously. "And the battle is raging on."

"You speak in riddles," She answered him and rolled her eyes. What battle was raging on? She didn't want to waste her time on hazy puzzles that this man kept tossing to her.

"You really desire to go home then, m'lady?"

"Yes!" She sighed and was glad that finally he was listening to her. She was starting to feel at home in the madness which was in turn causing a feeling of uneasiness in the other half of her stomach.

He smiled to her. "As you wish."

"So you are going to find someone to help me out of this mess!" She clapped her hands together in joy. Finally she was getting the direction she needed and since he was from the area he would certainly know the best person to see about returning her to her world.

_So follow me down (Where to?)_   
_Out of this town (With you?)_   
_Girl you're moving way too slow_   
_So follow me down (Which way?)_   
_I'll show you around (Okay.)_   
_There's a place we got to go_

He held out a hand to her and she looked at him quizzically.

"Follow me," He said and his hand froze, extended toward her. It was cupped ever so gently. Alice looked down at the stained and calloused fingers, then back up at his big green eyes.

"Where are we going? I mean certainly you are going to fetch someone who knows where they are going right? To bring me home."

"I will bring you back to your home."

"What? You are going to bring me back. But I thought you said that you didn't know where my home was." She looked at him warily.

"You make decisions way too sluggishly, dearest. Please decide what you are going to do, I am growing rather impatient." He said and she groaned. He was growing impatient? He wasn't the one who wandered about in a strange place all day looking for someone to speak a word of sense to her.

"Are you going to follow me?"

"Where are we going?" She looked around the woods again and he smiled at her again, the gap in his two front teeth gave him an air that he knew something she didn't. Alice's gut wanted to trust him but her sense warned her. If he couldn't answer her question than she wouldn't go with him.

"We'll go to the White Queen. I'll teach you how to get around Underland on the journey there, love." He said and winked at her. Alice looked at him again but finally took his hand.

"Alright, I suppose I can go with you for awhile. Plus that White Knight told me I should go there." She said and he smiled at her.

"That is much more like the Alice I know is inside there." He pulled her along and she lurched forward at the sudden movement. He headed into a dense growth of trees and she couldn't believe she was placing her trust and life into the hands of this crazed Hatter. She took a deep breath and began to walk fast enough to finally keep up with him. The trees moved out of her way and Alice felt faint again. This place didn't make much sense, the trees had manners? She could only imagine what her not-all-there guide of this exquisite place would put her face to face with.

_Dancing, walking_   
_Clock keeps on talking_   
_They sing, they sing_   
_Na-na-na-na-na._

_Gentlemen and ladies,_   
_animals and babies_   
_We sing, we sing_   
_Na-na-na-na-na._

Alice held tightly to the hand of the man that always was ten steps ahead of her it seemed. Wondrous things kept looking down at her from afar and she shuddered at the sight of the flowers watching her with a stink eye. She was waiting for the cat with his smile to return and question her some more. She wasn't surprised when they passed through a field with clocks littered about the grass. They ticked and tocked and spoke and moaned. It startled her and the Hatter looked back at her, an uneasy smile upon his face.

"I didn't much want to come here myself but this is the quickest way to Marmoreal." He said and did his best to avoid the watches that were screaming at him. Alice looked down at them and her head pounded.

"What is Marmo…mar what?" She said and could barely here his response over the clocks. He pulled her even quicker over the time machines.

"Marmoreal, the capital of Underland. Well, it has been ever since you slayed that horrid Jabberwocky." He answered with a smile and pulled her closer to him by her wrist so he could speak to her and she would be able to hear. Alice looked at the clocks and they seemed to tick louder and louder.

"What is this place?" She cried and her free hand fled to her ear, she was trying to work the one wound in the Hatter's hands free so she could cover her other hand.

"It's The Knoll of Wasted Tickers." He answered her.

"Wasted Tickers?"

"This is the place Time goes when he is being wasted. Which seems to be happening more and more. I remember when Time was relished and enjoyed." He said with a smile. "Of course the clocks hate when I come about. Time and I aren't really good friends."

"Why would that be?" Alice questioned. She was slightly annoyed with herself that she was actually thinking of Time as a being instead of a measurement. Which of course he…no _it…_ was.

"I have already told you several times Alice. I have been accused of murdering the time which you know is quite silly. I would never be so rude." He looked at her and pulled her closer, grabbing her bicep to whisper in her ear. "But perhaps I did kill him for you." Alice shook her arm loose and he took her hand again as they left the field and headed into a valley.

"What is going on here? Time cannot be wasted or murdered or enjoyed or spent. He isn't a he, it is an it and it is the way we know we are to be places so we can meet with other people." The Hatter laughed at her as if she had made some great joke and she crossed her arms in a pout.

"You are a silly one Alice, of course Time is a he."

"Where the hell are we going?" Alice said viciously, using profanity which was never lady like. "I have no idea where we are and I have no doubt that you don't know where we are off to either."

"Now, now Alice. I know Underland like the back of my hand." He held up his rough hand and laughed. "My hands and I are quite well acquainted as well. We must be comrades in order to make fine hats." His two fingers brushed the brim of his hat. Alice glared at him.

"I have seen nothing here but crazy creatures and you. I am going quite tired of this dream, this world. It's not worth any of my time."

"Oh my silly girl, Time does not belong to you, he belongs to himself."

"Take me to Marmoreal so that I may meet whatever kind of abstract being of something that leads this place and that whatever they be may send me home." She frowned at herself and he laughed at her again. She was beginning to sound just like him and it was making her grow so very impatient with even herself.

"There are gentlemen and ladies, animals and babies. Have I made a rhyme?" He laughed at her again. "This is Underland, my dear, not some distant planet. It can't be too unlike your own world, you have managed yourself here with dignity and poise many times before. I don't understand why it is so difficult for you this time around."

"Take me home." Alice said and he tipped his hat to her.

_So follow me down (Where to?)_   
_Out of this town (With you?)_   
_Girl you're moving way too slow_   
_So follow me down (Which way?)_   
_I'll show you around (Okay.)_   
_There's a place we got to go_

As they strode forward he turned to her, looking expectantly at her and Alice looked back at him. "Can't you just tell Time to bring me back to my world and put me back where I need to be?" She said and looked at the watches they had left behind. The Hatter laughed at her and it was beginning to grow on her nerves. "Stop laughing at me so! This is my dream right? I can get anyone to do anything." She crossed her arms again.

"I am afraid it doesn't work that way." He said a small frown crossing his face. "Plus that sounds absolutely horrid getting what you want all the time! I mean where is the adventure?" He said with a laugh.

"Then what am I supposed to do?" She placed her hands on her hips cockily and mocked his slight accent

He extended his hand. "Follow me,"

"I am just expected to let you blindly lead me somewhere. I have trusted you so far and you've-"

"What have I done? I merely have led you out of the Tugley Woods and through a hill covered in annoying ticking clocks. Has harm come to you? Does it seem I know my way not?" He said a little annoyed. "I donnae understan' why ets so 'ard tah fallow meh." He groaned and a thick accent she found strangely attractive crossed his lips. Alice turned back toward the hill, perhaps if she went in the opposite direction she'd find her way home instead of being stuck on this wild goose chase that most likely meant her doom was not far ahead. He gripped her wrist before she got too far. She turned.

"I want to follow you but I don't even know who you are aside from my dreams. Aside from that kiss!" She said not meaning to admit as much as she did. The mention of the intimacy between them made her blush.

"Girl, you are moving so slow, it makes me ache." He said and extended his hand again. "Follow me; I'll get you to where you need to go."

"So we are off to Marmoreal," She said and marched ahead of him. Now was not a time to be stubborn and indignant, she would only get more lost and going the opposite direction wouldn't do her much good either. Why was it so hard to make up her mind today? It was almost like two Alices were fighting in her brain for control. The Hatter grabbed her shoulder and slowed her down.

"I need to lead the way; the path can be tricky if you do not know it. If you think I am a puzzle you've yet to travel this road." He said to her and she held out her hand.

"Fine, lead the way." She said and he gently took her hand again. His rough fingers actually felt good against her soft palm and she let a small smile slip from her lips. If this was a dream why not enjoy at least part of this? She had to admit that the strange man before her was oddly attractive. His red hair stuck out at all odd angles under his magnificent hat and it gave him an air of danger that Alice found slightly sexy. His large green eyes were the most curious thing she had ever seen and she found herself lost in them, his gap smile made her heart race. This was so very silly of her to even be thinking of this notion. She was going to get married but it wasn't like she was attracted to her fiancé. She found him stifling strict and unimaginative, a straight road that ended the curves of anticipation. He didn't draw her in the way she hoped the one she would marry would. His candle was not one she certainly wanted to share her wax with. This man, however, could share her wax anytime. She scolded herself for such horrid thinking and he turned to look at her again.

"I wish you were the same Alice you were before. We must go about discovering your muchness all over again." His gaze looked disappointed in her and she frowned.

"I suppose I was a much younger Alice then, more prone to believing anything that was told to me."

"I liked that Alice so much the better."

"You're a man of course you would. Any man wants someone who will just agree with anything that comes from his lips." She said and looked at her engagement ring. He looked at it again and closed his eyes, as if he had swallowed something that tasted horridly awful.

"Maybe it's the innocence he took from you is the reason I hate him so." He whispered to her and Alice rolled her eyes. This man in her dream was so intense, the way he seemed to roll with his emotions. It made her feel so very alive. Of course he was in her dreams; she could only hope to actually meet someone like this. She was foolish following him so and was only going to get herself in trouble when she awoke. Tarrant had led her into another forest and she subconsciously hung to his arm as he led her through the dark forest.

_Ahh ah oh_

_Ah ah ah oh_

_Ah ah ah oh oh_

_Down down down down. Oh okay_

_Down, down. Down down. Oh, oh_

She realized how much she was relying on him now and he led through the exotic area. The trees were the most interesting she had ever seen. They spiraled this way and that covered in the pink that comes about a person's face in extreme embarrassment or pleasure. Others were the more azure shade of blue she had ever seen while others were the most royal shade of purple. Everything in this world was extreme, the colors so very saturated. She ducked when the Hatter pushed on her head and avoided being hit by a giant rocking horse fly. A bread-and-butterfly landed on a mushroom nearby and Alice thought back to her friend that had given her the advice to not waste away believing in something that wasn't. She was remembering even more bits of pieces from the dreams she had. There was a woman with a very large head and a voice with volume to match, decks of cards. Things that made very little sense to her so she always pushed them from her mind. She stumbled over a ditch in the road and almost fell had the Hatter not quickly turned and caught her. She looked up and smiled warmly at him as he held her inches off the ground and he cocked his head perplexed. She was going to trust him; it just felt like the right thing to do. She was now remembering him from her dreams and something about the way he carried himself in them reminded her that she had great respect and admiration for him. _Of course I'd fall in love with my imagination_ she sighed to herself and he helped her back up. He walked ahead of her now, having let go of her hand and she ran up to him to reattach her palm to his.

"Okay." She choked out when what she really wanted to say was 'Okay, I trust you. You're not going to get me killed in this horror of place'. He nodded his head to her in understanding.

_Follow me, follow me_   
_fa-la-la-la-la_   
_Follow me, follow me_   
_fa-la-la-la-la_   
_Ohh-woah-oh_   
_Ohh-woah-oh_   
_Ohh-woah-oh_   
_Fa-la-la-la-la_

She followed close behind him the entire afternoon. She couldn't believe the trust she was putting into him. Alice probably appeared easy to this man but she just couldn't let go of his hand. The way it felt in hers and the way it made her heart race was too much to not be able to tap into. She wanted desperately for him to turn and kiss her again, like he had at the tea party. Alice scolded herself for that because it wasn't the proper thing to wish for. Trusting him for the path was one thing, trusting him with her body was unacceptable. He pulled her through the wonderland and she saw she was barely focusing on the land anymore; she was focused entirely on him. The scenery seemed to pass by like it did when she put her horse, Buttercream, through her paces in the wide field near the Ascots. Everything was a blur and it moved so fast Alice's brain couldn't comprehend it. It was a rush and Alice loved it, the idea that she didn't know where she was going. The two Alices were at war again and the one that Alice had done her best to bury was winning. That was the silliest idea she had ever heard in her life, the only people that argued with two people in their heads were mad. _All the best people are…_ He deceased Father's voice rang in her head. She was forgetting where she came from and wasn't quite sure where this path was going to lead either. A wave of panic washed through her body but she kept her feet moving one in front of the other as she gripped the Hatter's hand as he skipped ahead, through this wonderland of a place.


	14. The Lobster Quadrille

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "The Lobster Quadrille" lyrics by Lewis Carroll, song performed by Franz Ferdinand

Alice held tightly to Tarrant's hand as he led her along the body of water. The water stretched out into the horizon, the color was the most royal purple that Alice had ever seen. Its waves lapped against the yellow sand at their feet. Rocks littered the path which caused Alice's mind to begin imagining sitting upon the rocks to observe the fabulous sunset that must take place upon the exquisite waters. The Hatter turned to Alice with a smile.

"We are taking are more…scenic route. I was hoping that it would bring ease to that little fuse box of yours."

"It may." She said with a smile, letting go of his hand. She ran to the waters, ripping her shoes off as she went. She looked back to Tarrant who looked at her with confusion.

She laughed as she went running into the waters, hiking up her skirt well above her knees. Her laughter was filled with a joy that she hadn't felt in years. The man looked at her with confusion. She waved her hand at him, beckoning him to come closer.

"The water is perfect." Her voice was filled with laughter.

Hesitantly he pulled his yellow boots off then stripped his striped socks from his pale legs. He placed his hat upon a rock and came closer to her. Alice took the opportunity of his closeness to scoop up some of the salty water in her cupped hands and threw it up at him. It hit him square in the face and his arms went up in shock as he stumbled backwards. Alice gave a tremendous victory laugh as she watched him wipe the water from his large green eyes. He shot her a stern look as he pulled his overcoat off and just as quickly disposed of his waistcoat. Then he raced into the water.

Alice tore through the waves away from him, giving shrieks of mock fear as she went. He let out a mad joyous laugh as he jumped after her in the surf. He was slightly faster and came close enough to her as she flailed to keep her balance. He snatched forward quickly catching hold of her wrist. He jerked on her at an angle which caused her to spin into him. She laughed as he caught hold of her arms, wrestling against him in play.

"I think, Alice, you should really explore the beauty of the water." He winked at her as he let her wriggling body go. She fell back into the warm water which led her to give a shriek in shock.

"TARRANT HIGHTOPP!" She scolded in play. "You help me up this instant."

"I'm sorry, My Champion." He smiled as he extended his hand. Alice took hold of his wrist and pretended to use it as leverage to rise from the ocean. As he let his guard down she fell back once more giving his wrist a quick yank. This caused the Hatter to tumble face first into the ocean.

Alice laughed in triumph as he looked at her; his red hair flattened against his head was now dripping water into his face. Alice tried to make her way back to the sand but Tarrant caught hold of her ankle as she crawled toward shore. She laughed again as he wrestled her down. They quickly began splashing one another and wrestling each other into the purple ocean. Alice couldn't stop laughing and she'd never seen the man's smile bigger than what it was right now.

As Tarrant caught hold of Alice's wrists to keep her from splashing he pulled her close again. His lips found hers and he kissed her. Alice kissed him back for a few moments then pulled away. Her desire for fun was extinguished and she walked toward the shore now to retrieve her shoes. She didn't want to deal with how she felt about this man; they were just having a good time. The Hatter remained silent as he followed her to shore to retrieve his clothing items as well. Alice somberly pulled her shoes on but sighed as she realized she was absolutely soaked which would make the travelling only more difficult.

"I brought some extra clothes, just in case you found yourself a mushroom and took a bite." He said with humor but reached into his messenger bag that he had discarded with his coat. He pulled out another red dress, this color more the color of blood. It was lighter and shorter than the travelling dress she now wore. She took the dress in her hands and looked around for a place to change.

"You can duck behind a rock, I promise I won't look." He said genuinely. Alice nodded her head and wandered down the beach to find a large rock.

When her search was successful she ducked behind the cover and peeled the drenched dress and soak undergarment from her body. She shivered slightly in the small breeze but the sun was quick in drying her pale skin. She pulled the red dress on quickly; it fell loosely around her hips and legs to the ground. The top was tight against her body and buttoned up her right ribcage. It was decorated with an intricate white and black design on the skirt, its top hugged her torso closely. The top was stripped red, black and white. It was completely sleeveless and a large flower sat on the right breast, shielding most of Alice's shoulder. She picked up the wet dress from the ground preparing to return it to the Hatter when a sobbing sound caused her to pause. The sound was coming from down the beach a little further and Alice's curiosity got the better of her. She wandered down the beach and much to her surprise encountered the strangest creature she had ever seen. It was a turtle of shorts but it had the head, bottom feet, and tail of a calf. It sobbed into its right fin as it perched upon the rock.

"What on earth are you?" She asked. The creature looked up from the crook of his fin, large tears rolling down his cheeks.

"I am the Mock Turtle from which they make the infamous Mock Turtle soup from."

"I have never heard of that!" Alice said, placing her hands on her hips. "Whatever are you blubbering about?"

"I lead a sad life, Alice! Surely you remember?"

"So we have met before?" She crossed her arms.

"Alice? Where did you go off to?" Alice heard the worried voice of the Hatter from down the beach.

"I'm over here." She called to him. "So you lead a sad life? Why don't you do something about that sad life instead of sitting here and crying about it?"

"You certainly are a rude one!" He said indignantly. "Say, do you like to dance?" He asked with a smile upon his face.

"Perhaps." Alice heard the footsteps of the Hatter as he approached the two of them.

"It appears that Alice has stumbled upon the Mock Turtle." One of his eyebrows raised in mock surprise. "Are you trying once again to get her to join your quadrille?"

"She will join at some point, I just know it!"

"I hate quadrilles." Alice looked up to the turtle.

"Ahhh! But let me tell you of mine!" He responded.

"Alright, it sounds like a fair deal. If I listen I can still refuse, correct?" She asked the turtle.

"If you give it a fair trial!"

"It's a deal."

"Now you've got him started!" The Hatter muttered to her. She smiled up at the turtle as he began.

_"Will you walk a little faster?"_   
_Said a whiting to a snail,_   
_"There's a porpoise close behind us,_   
_And he's treading on my tail._   
_See how eagerly the lobsters_   
_And the turtles all advance!_   
_They are waiting on the shingle -_   
_Will you come and join the dance?_   
_Will you, won't you, will you,_   
_Won't you, will you join the dance?_   
_Will you, won't you, will you,_   
_Won't you, won't you join the dance?_

"That is a most peculiar way to start a dance," Alice said, leaning upon the rock with her hands as she looked up to the Mock Turtle.

"You can't judge something you've never tried!" The Mock Turtle implied indignantly. Tarrant folded his arms.

"We all know that the Lobster Quadrille is one of the blandest dances in all of Underland." He said with a snort.

"Some would choose to say that about your futterwacken, Hatter." The turtle flicked his fin at the man.

"How am I to dance this dance, supposing I wanted to, if I am neither a turtle nor a lobster?"

"I am sure you could do anything, Alice, if you were determined enough to do it." The creature turned his head out to the sea. "If you watch the surf close enough you may see them doing their dance and you can learn to do it with them."

"Alice, you always are capable of the impossible. It's your gift." The Hatter said with a smile

"But I am not so sure I _want_ to learn this dance."

"But you must learn! Sometimes we have to do things we don't want but the need is there. We can still enjoy things that we didn't voluntarily subject to doing." The turtle scolded Alice upon the rock.

"The only reason I can excel at the impossible is because you are all in my dream. As soon as we get to Marmoreal and I awake I won't be able to Lobster Quadrille ever."

"I am sure they must have a Lobster Quadrille in Aliceland. Let me tell you some more of the dance. Perhaps it will sound more familiar as the steps proceed on." The turtle rocked on the tip of his shell as he looked down upon Alice. Alice looked to the Hatter without even thinking about it. She wanted his approval. Alice realized what she was doing and jerked her head away from him them back up to the Mock Turtle.

"If you continue on perhaps the dance shall come to mind. Different places have their own way of calling the same thing." She said with a smile upon her pink lips.

"Then proceed on I shall!" The Mock Turtle said with a morose joy.

_"You can really have notion_   
_How delightful it will be_   
_When they take us up and throw us,_   
_With the lobsters, out to sea!"_   
_But the snail replied, "Too far, too far!"_   
_And gave a look askance -_   
_Said he thanked the whiting kindly,_   
_But he would not join the dance._   
_Would not, could not, would not,_   
_Could not, would not join the dance._   
_Would not, could not, would not,_   
_Could not, could not join the dance."_

"That's rather sad that the snail did not join the dance. It sounded like a great adventure!"

"Are you sure you do not want to try this at least once?" The Mock Turtle asked.

"I am sure that Alice would love to at some point but we really must be off to Marmoreal!" The Hatter cried out with a hitch in his voice.

"Marmoreal is clear on the other side of Underland. You really should enjoy the dance today and return to the castle tomorrow!"

"Marmoreal is on the _other_ side of this damned land!" Alice felt her face getting hot and red as she turned with anger to the mad man.

"I seemed to have forgotten directions…" The Hatter said nervously.

"Please Alice, join the Lobster Quadrille, you really shall enjoy it!"

"What I would enjoy is just leaving this land!" She looked up angrily at the turtle

"But if you leave again, Alice, Underland will never be as bright as it has the past couple days."

"This land is in my _head_! You are in my head, this…liar!...is in my head." She gestured to the Hatter. "I do not want to be stuck here playing with cowardly little snails and-"

"Finish the song Mock Turtle and we will be on our way." The Hatter said, throwing a hand over Alice's mouth.

"I am not sure I've the heart to." The creature replied as a tear ran down his face.

"Just DEW ET!" The Scottish brogue had return to the man's speech and Alice gripped his wrist as his gloved and thimble fingers held tightly to her mouth.

"You don't need to be so demanding and cruel about it!" The Mock Turtle began to weep but through his tears he finished the song.

_"What matters it how far we go?"_   
_His scaly friend replied,_   
_"There is another shore, you know,_   
_Upon the other side._   
_The further off from England_   
_The nearer is to France -_   
_Then turn not pale, beloved snail,_   
_But come and join the dance._   
_Will you, won't you, will you,_   
_Won't you, will you join the dance?_   
_Will you, won't you, will you,_   
_Won't you, won't you join the dance?_

"I am done with this dance!" Alice cried out having wrestled herself free of the mad man's hand. She turned on Tarrant hotly, throwing her wet clothes at him.

"Alice, please come back and visit me!" The Mock Turtle cried as Alice stormed away.

"She'll be our regular Alice again! I know of it!" Alice heard the Hatter yell back to the turtle as he raced after her. Alice didn't want to look back to see that deceiver running after her. She wanted to throw something at him right in this moment but she had already hit him with her sopping clothes. Alice began to breathe deeply. She didn't feel the urge to run from him anymore. She didn't want to be with him right now. But strangely she didn't want to be away either. She heard his footsteps crunching in the sand behind her and her gait slowed a little.

"Alice-!" The man cried catching her hand in his. She turned to look at him, silence still on her lips, but she didn't let go. Tarrant looked at her strangely but she turned away from him, her hand squeezing around his even more tightly. The sound of the wailing Mock Turtle could still be heard as they wandered further away.

"Would not, could not, would not join the dance."


	15. The Poison

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "The Poison" song by The All American Rejects

_You were so young,_   
_And I guess I'm old._   
_Open your eyes,_   
_I'll keep mine closed._   
_I prefer standing,_   
_And you take your seat._   
_Ill be wide awake,_   
_And you'll fall asleep._

Alice led the man through the forest. She was angry at him because he had lied to her but a certain stirring in her heart kept her from leaving him in a rage. She glanced back at the Hatter that looked down at his shoes. She knew he wasn't going to look at her, he was ashamed no doubt.

"Are you ashamed you were caught or actually grieving because you deceived me?" Alice let go of his hand, going to sit on a log as she was worn down from their detour.

"Alice, really….I just….I just wanted to spend some time just being with Alice." He said, touching the thimbles on his fingers uncomfortably.

"You lied to me!" She placed a hand on her chest as she met his eyes. They glimmered a grey pale green, almost a blue on the days when skies are stormy. Alice glanced away from them as he came to kneel in front of her.

"I ask your forgiveness, Alice." He murmured as he placed his forehead on her knees.

Alice longed to touch the hat and the hair that was beneath it. Her fingers itched to stroke his face and tell him that everything was alright. The more she thought of it the more she realized that this was what she wanted. She wanted a man that would feel guilt for not being honest, that would realize she had feelings. She wanted more than anything in the whole world for this milliner that pressed his forehead to her lap to become real in her world. She wanted him to be more than a dream.

Alice reached out to touch his cheek which caused him to look up in surprise. She gestured for him to sit next to her. It was time to be civil to her guide that had helped her so far in her dream. Even if it was leading her further away from what would wake her. He must sense that she needed more time, to organize her thoughts. Alice smiled at him slightly.

"I ask your forgiveness, Tarrant, for acting like a horrid witch. You have been kind to me even though I have been a self centered fool." She sighed. "There, I've said it. Even in my dreams I can't act like a decent human being."

"You are no monster, Alice." Tarrant said, reaching forward to touch her cheek. "You and I, we are alike and different at the similar time." His hand fell back to his lap. "We are a mirror image, we appear the same but when it comes to our actions we chose dissimilar approaches."

"Please don't make excuses for me. I am so ashamed with the way I have behaved so far." She answered. "I wish I could blame it on the bump from the hole I've stumbled upon or perhaps I just have a shorter fuse in my dreams. But I fear that there is more than just that. I feel like what it is has eaten my soul. Perhaps you are right; perhaps Bayne has taken my naiveté and my innocence. But I think I have surrendered it all to him, to the world. That was the only way I thought I could survive. Oh what have I done to everything I once believed in? This dream is what I needed. I needed to see what kind of-"

"Shhh, Alice." He placed a finger to her lips. "You are not some Red Queen manifested. You are my Alice, just a little twisted up. But we can fix that easily. You are already remembering! You are beginning to believe again!" He grew excited. "I have seen much too, Alice. But that is what has made me mad. The mirror image is back. You have become mad in another way."

"I am not sure I like this." She answered through tears.

"We will go together to Mirana, she will be able to provide you comfort. She will give you wonderful advice and truths." He placed a hand to her cheek then reached into her lap to take her hands.

"I think," Alice swallowed her nervousness as she looked into his large eyes. "I think I want to spend a little longer with you. I am going to miss you when I wake up again. Maybe that's why I keep remembering you." She squeezed his bandaged thumb in her small palm. "You banish my madness." She whispered. He stood and pulled her to her feet.

"We can stay a little longer together." He gripped her hand. "I would like that."

"It's settled then. Bring me the long way to Marmoreal. We can spend that time finding the answers in myself." Tarrant smiled at her and Alice blinked away a tear. She followed as he led her forward, without all the fuss and ruckus she threw the last time.

_I can be pensive,_   
_You can be so sure._   
_You'll be the poison,_   
_You'll be the cure._   
_I'm alone on the journey,_   
_I'm alive none the less,_   
_And when you do your very worst,_   
_Mmmmm it feels the best_

Alice walked with him as they journeyed the woods together. She wrapped her arm around his while she smiled lightly up at him.

"I am truly sorry that I….I was so cruel to you. None of it was true. I don't hate you in anyway, you just confuse me." Dreaming made it so much easier to ramble on about one's feelings and predicaments to the person that made them breathe.

"Alice, please, I enjoy having you back no matter what kind of Alice you are. For if I have any Alice back I have an Alice. When you were gone, my fair one, I was sentenced to going through these Underlandian adventures alone. I was afraid that something would happen, Time would keep ticking and surely he'd find a way to make me miserable while you were gone. I'd be alive and Aliceless. But you came back, Alice, even if you can't keep it straight that you are here and not in a dream. I thought that having a Used Up Alice would be a bad thing but just like the last time you came to us and didn't know what was going on, I enjoyed the worst of Alice. It still felt wonderful. There was Alice and she was relying on me, no matter how much you wished that I would drop dead before you. I had you and that was all that mattered to me." He placed a worn hand upon the wrist that wrapped around his arm.

Alice found herself speechless. Had she been just a cruel to a man that was above, one that was as admirable and honest as he? No doubt she had chased him away; she had never met a man with the amount of patience that this mad man possessed. His long suffering for her stubbornness, his gentleness for her childishness was something that she longed to find. He was the man that she dreamed of; it was no irony that he appeared here. She found herself wanting to grieve her imagining up this man. She would lust for him all her life. As she thought over her feelings she realized she lusted for him now. She couldn't ignore that anymore. She pulled him to a stop and he dropped her hand in surprise. She smiled up at him, stretching up on her tip toes.

"Tarrant, I don't think I could imagine a wonderful life without a man like you." She placed a hand on either side of his face.

Pulling him close she smiled before placing her red lips upon his. She felt him tense in just as much surprise but eagerly he kissed back. She wanted more from him but this kiss would do for now. She opened her mouth pressing her tongue against his lips. His mouth opened and quickly her tongue mixed with his. It was a kiss that elevated her heart rate and his did the same, she could feel as she placed a hand to his chest. She kissed more fervently, enjoying the taste of his mouth again but this time letting him know that she enjoyed it. It was a beautiful kiss but she felt it would be a cliché to say it was one she dreamed of. She was tired of the puns that kept running through her mind. Gently she broke the kiss and smiled up at him. His eyes were a deep emerald green with gold flecks that made her stomach leap as she looked into them. She knew what she wanted to do; she knew where she needed to go. It wasn't the time for it yet, there were still amends to be made and dirty laundry that needed to be aired before she could think more of caring out her desires. No, her needs! She kissed his bottom lip gently before taking his hand once again.

"Lead on," She encouraged him to keep moving on the trail. In a stunned silence he began to walk. The quiet lingered in the air for a long time but Alice reveled in the kiss and the serenity.

_If you could I'd lose everything_   
_Can't you see the faces melting as the sun rains from their eyes,_   
_Go on and keep your head with the hearts that you hang behind._   
_Look at yourself, look in the mirror, don't you see a lie?_   
_That you tell yourself again a thousand times._   
_And the truth that makes us laugh will make you cry,_   
_You wanna die? No?_

Alice thought for a great while before speaking again. She had collected the thoughts that she needed to so she didn't appear a fool to the man.

"I have been as bad as that Red Queen I always dream of."

"Iracebeth of Crims?" The Hatter shouted out in surprise. "By the White, Alice no! You are nothing like that childish tyrant.

"When have I treated anyone with decency here since I've fallen down that stupid rabbit hole? I have assaulted everyone I've come across with cruel words and with doubt! They are things that obviously someone deep inside of me is sending to teach me." She turned to him with wide eyes. "My father! Have you met my father? He is the one that always had the correct things to say and the whole time I've spent in this place, this limbo, I keep thinking of all the things that he would have said to me! Does he live in my head along with all of you?"

"Alice, you aren't as mad as you think you are!" He answered placing a hand on her trembling jaw. "You need to open your eyes, Alice! Please! I understand that you are unsure of what is going on. It grieves me that you do not remember any of what you have already experienced. I must confess, Alice, my patience is growing thin-" He paused as he saw her smile wide. "Does what I saw amuse you?" He answered with a small edge in his voice.

"I was thinking of your patience of steel. I thank you for it. I imagined quite a man!"

"Alice, op'n yehr eyes!" His brogue had returned as his eyes flashed a yellow. He closed them as he took a deep breath before looking back to her. His voice had returned to the soothing lisp. "This place isn't something you are dreaming of, it isn't something that you thought of in your head. You are quite the exceptional seer, my fair one, but you aren't able to dream this up yourself." He stopped her. "Please, stop driving us all mad here and realize that!" His lips curled into a warm smile.

"This can't be real-"

"Why do you keep denying this place? Does the truth here scare you?"

"YES! Yes it does! Because it makes me question why I was stupid enough to even leave in the first place! I can't find anywhere at home where I have felt this comfortable with who I am. Where I feel that finally I can blend in with what goes on around me! I have never felt quite like an Alice before! Why did I leave this haven? Why did I risk everything I once believed in to run off to China?" She looked up at him, her jaw set to keep the tears from rolling down her cheeks again. "How much more stupid can I get?"

"Alice, you aren't stupid. There were things you needed to do, things you needed to settle. McTwisp wanted you to return before it was too late. You were going to make a horrible mistake and you forgot all about us, Alice! It was your fate to come back."

"Am I to live my life as an invalid?" Her voice was thick with confusion, bitterness, and tears. She saw Tarrant roll his eyes in impatience as he took her hand. He was frustrated but he was going to hold his tongue. What had she done to this figment of hers? Her mind had fallen in love with her, now it wasn't going to let her go.

_So you fall down a hole,_   
_That's the one place that we both know,_   
_You take me with you if you could but I wouldn't go._   
_Because sometimes, we both lose our minds and find a better road._

Alice stopped once again on the road; she didn't want to leave the woods because she still had needs that she wanted met before she woke up, if she ever did because as of now the odds weren't looking in her favor. She looked up to him.

"I'm sorry. It seems every time I open my mouth to make things right again I only muddy up the water even more."

"It wasn't all you, Alice, I am sorry that I was angry with you once again."

"You have nothing to apologize for, please. You have been the best thing that has ever happened to me. I promise to believe the impossible; I promise to believe in you." She smiled up, wrapping her arms around her neck. She teased the hair around the nape with her fingers as she bit her lips playfully.

"Please let it be that last time that you fall down that rabbit hole, Alice Kingsleigh. Never leave me again." He leaned down to breathe on her lips.

"If I woke up, I wish I could bring you right into my reality."

"That reality doesn't sound like one I could live in, Alice. I would refuse to go but please stay with me." He bit her bottom lip pulling upwards. She loved the feeling, the way it made her hot. She was still a tad angry with him. "Take me back to the table. Let us enjoy one last tea together before Marmoreal." She whispered.

"Alice, please, do not leave me again! Do not hang my heart again. Be merciful and take my head. I love you, Alice! Understand that I love you no matter what, my fair one." Alice closed her eyes as the words echoed in her head.

"We need to lose our minds. I need to forget who I am for awhile so that I may figure out where my road is leading." She leaned up and kissed him playfully, running her tongue across his lips. Tarrant looked down at her curiously but nodded his head. He kissed her back.

"A tea that will help us lose it all." He agreed. He took her hands in his and turned to his left to return to the table, to the place where they began a new adventure together each time they met.


	16. Where's My Angel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *WARNING* Chapter contains mature sexual content 
> 
> "Where's My Angel" song by Metro Station

_Break down_   
_I can see you're upset,_   
_So high._   
_But I didn't help it._   
_I wish I could just forget you_

Alice glanced at Tarrant as they sat at the tea table together. They were very much alone and she couldn't help but stare him down as he refused to look at her. He sipped his tea and his eyes refused to meet hers but rather stared down at his legs. Alice had revealed that she needed to go back to Aliceland. That was where she was going to call home. She wanted to enjoy their last time together, the last moments of feeling a wonderful bliss she never would before. The day was growing short and he kept glancing at his pocket watch which caused him to grow angry and shout all sorts of nasty names at it. Well, she assumed they were nasty because they were all in a language that she had never heard before. He had settled down in a brew and began to drink his tea in a tempest silence. She had been just as quiet as he until now. Alice began to laugh and it startled to him. She wasn't sure why she laughed, she just did. But it got him to speak.

"I will take you home, Alice. I promised I would. I am just not ready to yet. I need you to be with me a little longer." He admitted to her looking and his green eyes looked at her sadly. Alice shook her head.

"This is quite the dream I am having; I am very much enjoying it." She smiled at him apologetically now. It really wasn't his fault she was stuck in this dream and it wasn't turning out as bad as it seemed it was going to. It had turned out to be a routine nightmare but the fall had someone kept her in the dream. The more that she stayed in this Wonderland the more bliss she received from it. For it was Alice and her bitterness that made this place a wreck, not in the inhabitants of it. Alice thought about waking up once again. Then she would have to go and meet Bayne and marry him. He wasn't as interesting at this Hatter. She thought back to her wicked thing, her sinful desire, and smiled. It was a dream after all wasn't it? She might as well have a good time with someone she was very deeply attracted to…dare she even use the L word? No, she wouldn't. Surely enjoying one's body and enjoying one's soul were completely separate things. She leaned closer to the Hatter and placed a hand on his wrist. He looked at her curiously and she leaned into him. "I'm sorry for the way I've treated you. I must say I have been quite horrid." She said and frowned.

"Don't worry about it Alice let us just sit here now and talk over some very nice, hot tea." He said and looked down, muttering something.

"What was that?" She asked and took a bite of a cupcake, licking her lips slowly and dramatically. Tarrant looked down at his lap again.

"Not worth repeating." He said and looked up to her again.

_Up now,_   
_Heart beats racing._   
_One touch,_   
_Now I'm faking._   
_This time, there's no escaping you._

Alice leaned into him quickly, before he could move his head, and caught his lips with hers. She smiled in the kiss and crawled onto his lap. His hands tried to push her back but his lips still kissed hers. Alice opened her mouth slightly and the kiss became so much deeper. She loved the way he tasted, like baked goods and sweet tea. She kissed him harder and he made a noise. Alice pulled away to look into his eyes. They were a very intense green, beginning to fleck with gold and he looked at her with the widest eyes she'd ever seen.

"Alice, I don't think it's proper to-"She silenced him again with a kiss and he tentatively touched her rib cage. Alice let her hands fall down his shoulders and rest on his upper chest. She pulled away from him again and he gasped for air. "We really shouldn't, Alice." He said and Alice shook her head.

"I am going to enjoy this Wonderland." She said and quickly untied his ascot, pulling it off and tossing it carelessly behind her.

"Alice, we can't do this! I feel like I am taking advantage of you and that this isn't the best idea." He said and looked at her, pushing at her stomach to try and get her off of him. Alice shook her head.

"Oh but I am so very fully aware." Alice said and kissed his lips again to silence him. He kissed back and Alice could feel the uneasiness in his body. "Please, Tarrant, bring me some amount of happiness I can _feel_ ," She whispered into his ear hotly. He groaned and Alice laughed gently. He kissed her now, more intently and she sat upright now instead of leaning over him. His hands began to explore her torso, one gripped her right breast and she smiled. Good, he was doing what she wanted him to do.

What a naughty little dream she was going to have. It would be her own loss of innocence in the mind before she lost the innocence of her body to the horrid Bayne. Something she would thoroughly enjoy now and return back to later while Bayne ravished only her body. She kissed Tarrant harder and began to slide her hands lower to the buttons of this waist coat. Slowly she began to unbutton them and he let go of herlips to kiss her neck. Alice's head thrust upward with a sigh as his tongue teased her sensitive throat. She gave a mad woman's laugh of delight and thrust his outer and waist coats off of him.

_So cold,_   
_But you have my body._   
_One kiss,_   
_And this is gonna haunt me_

He grabbed her upper arms and kissed her harder. He let go of her and his hands found the back of her dress and quickly made work of the lace that bound her body in it. She sighed in pleasure as he loosened her breasts from the fabric.

His rough fingers rubbed over one of her nipples as he kissed her and groaned into her mouth. Alice's tongue went deeper into his mouth and her hands flew to his face. She was enjoying the way his hands made her breasts feel as he cupped and squeezed them intermittently. She felt so alive in this moment and it didn't feel like a dream as his mouth let go of hers and flew to her bosom. He began to lick and tease her very erect nipples and she laughed in delight. She would remember the feeling of this dream all her life because it felt so fantastic. They had only just begun as well. She pushed him back by the shoulders and straddled his lap. She quickly unbuttoned his shirt and her hands flew in to begin to caress his torso. She kissed him again and he grunted as she ran her soft thumbs over his nipples. She laughed in the kiss and his hand flew to her breasts again and caressed them harder and faster. Occasionally one would run down her stomach to where the dress was sitting at her waist.

_My God,_   
_You look so lovely girl._   
_Hearts gone,_   
_Tonight is your chance,_   
_You trade love,_   
_For a little romance._   
_Too late, this will be the last dance, girl._

He let go of her mouth and looked her over.

"Yeh ah a bonnie lass indead." He said and kissed the skin between her breasts.

Alice kissed him again and moaned at the way his hands felt on her body. She let go of his shoulders with one of her hands and began to work her boots off as she knelt over him straddled. They fell to the ground one after the other with a solid thwack. Alice held onto the chair with her hand as she pulled her leg up to remove her stockings. He smiled at her and she could feel him harden underneath her thigh. Alice smiled a clever smile and she very carefully began to work her pantalettes off as he watched.

She enjoyed the way she made his breath quick and ragged, the way he eyed her breasts with longing. The way his tongue felt against hers as they shared each other's spit in a kiss. She kissed him now and felt his hand come under her skirt. He began to feel around her folds and she laughed in delight as his fingers found a very sensitive spot. Her sex began to become more than moist, it was positively wet. The way his rough fingers slid among her made her gasp in ecstasy. Alice was regretful that she didn't know much about sex but she knew that she was going to trade an experience with Bayne with an experience with her imagination. This was probably quite scandalous, she thought to herself, which made her only wetter. Alice rocked against his hand instinctively and moaned as the delightful feeling grew more and more.

She kissed him harder and his hand moved suddenly, his fingers finding her slit. She moaned as he inserted his middle finger and she looked at him now. He was smiling and watching her face. Gently he inserted another, moving his fingers in a circling motion. She could feel her folds stretch and it was slightly good feeling but slightly uncomfortable. Alice reached down to his lap and gently pushed on the mound that was growing there. His eyes closed and she smiled at him. She was very wet and her body was tense, shaking from the feelings he sent coursing through her body.

"I'm ready." She kissed his lip and bit it. He opened his eyes and looked as her.

"Are you sure?" He asked, concern growing in his voice.

"I have been sure since the moment we met." She said with a wretched smile and gently the two of them removed his pants.

Alice kissed him again and she brought her hands to his chest again. She felt his hands moving against her naughty bits causing her to look down, surprised at the size of his cock. She had only seen them in those boring biology books her sister had made her read that told her all about how she would have a horrid bleed every month and how disastrous and taboo intercourse was. Alice closed her eyes and felt his hands again on her vagina. She smiled as he pushed into her and she felt him kiss her neck.

_You say you want it,_   
_You love me then thought it._   
_You're breaking my heart_   
_And you're taking me down._

_Break it down, and live it up, take this in and beat it up._   
_Break it down, and live it up, take this in and beat it up._   
_Break it down, and live it up, take this in and beat it up._   
_Break it down, and live it up._

It hurt. A lot more than some of what the loose girls at Alice's school had described. She felt uncomfortable but knew if she started to stretch her vagina she was certain it would feel wonderful. Like stretching out a beautiful glove that would make her look so elegant, he would stretch her out and make her feel ravished. This was more an experience and an adventure for Alice then it was learning how to fuck a man right.

Alice began to move against him, up and down, wincing slightly at how it was painful. She was surprised it was like this, it was a dream wasn't it? Shouldn't it be a wonderful magical, impossible session? Even if she was a tight little virgin?

He paused and she felt even more wet, knowing that surely she was bleeding from her maidenhead. His hips moved in rhythm with hers and she opened her eyes to smile at him. His face was a mix of pain and pleasure. She kissed his lip and bit it again. He grabbed her mouth in his and a wonderful pleasure began to arise in her stomach and pelvis. She began to thrust faster and Tarrant grabbed her hips.

'"We may enjoy thi' more if we take it a li'le slower. Seein teh view aht teh top o' teh mou'ain es only 'alf teh fun." He whispered thickly and she smiled. His hands went back to teasing her breasts and Alice threw her head backwards.

He thrust his hips into her slowly but powerfully and she moaned at each one. His breathing was quickening and she could feel it hot and heavy on her breasts. As her catch began to widen she realized how much she loved having him in her body. His rhythm matched hers, his heart beats matched hers. They were in sync and Alice couldn't imagine being ever so in tune with anyone ever again. She wanted him to go faster but at the same time loved the pace he was taking now. It was a battle in her body as the feeling in her stomach began to tighten. She gripped the top of the chair as he began to move into her a little faster. His breathing was ragged and every so often her name would leak out among the gasps. Each thrust brought a higher sensation and she looked at Tarrant with a naughty grin.

"You are delightful." She said and kissed his lips again. Tarrant's hand made his way to her hand and she clasped him as they moved together. She gasped against him and gritted her teeth as the sensation only grew inside her stomach tighter and tighter. Alice focused only on their movement and she felt on top of the world. She had desired the way he made her feel for years now and she was so surprised to have found it in him. He made a gasping sound and she could feel a shudder in her torso but she too was reaching her apex and it only made her feel millions more wonderful.

"Tarrant!" She yelled his name as the tightness reached its climax and an indescribable sensation floated through her body and gripped her. Her body shook a little and she gasped for air, taking her a couple seconds longer to grasp it. She laughed and fell against his heaving body, looking into his eyes. His green eyes, flecked with gold looked back at her. He kissed her again and said nothing.

"That was…incredible. Crazy, mad, wonderful. All those books lie when they say it's horrid." Alice said as she slowly slid off him. She tucked her torso away in her dress and he quickly stood, pulling his breeches back to his hips. She fixed her skirt and was surprised to look over and see him standing staring at her. It unnerved her.

"Ah louve yeh Alice," He said and she looked at him shocked as he pulled her closer.

_Where's my angel?_   
_Go on and take my life._   
_Where's my angel?_   
_I need someone here tonight._   
_Where's my angel?_   
_Go on and take my life._   
_Where's my angel?_   
_I need someone here tonight._

Alice didn't know what to say to him. She was deeply attracted to him and she surely wanted that tryst; to feel a body she adored move against hers. She hadn't expected them to be so similar in their movements and their desires; she had expected him to pleasure her. She was glad that she had found such a wonderful lover in her imagination. So she could have something to hold onto when she had to unite with Bayne. Tarrant let her go, backing up he stood waiting for her to say something but she remained stock still, her hands clasped.

"I need to get home," Was all she could say and his face fell.

"Where is my Champion?" He asked and took her face in his hands. "You can't mean that all that was a simple act?"

"I don't know, alright? I just…" She turned away and held her head. It was a dream. Dreams weren't supposed to complicate sex. They wouldn't be a place of refuge if they did.

"Alice, please don't make me feel like I used you. Do anything but that." He said and caught her elbow. Alice turned on him abruptly.

"I don't know what to think or feel right now, I am very confused." She lashed out at him and a lot of hurt flashed across his face. "I'm sorry. I seem to even disappoint those in my dreams!" She screamed in frustration and collapsed into a chair.

"Alice," He sat in the chair to her right, pulling his coat back on. "did I make you happy?"

"I can't imagine making love with someone like that again in my life." She confessed in a thick whisper and stood. "But I need to return to the doe party and I need to marry Bayne. That's my reality. Not living around here to enjoy every morning riding you at the tea table." She stood and looked toward the woods.

She felt torn because something in her heart did indicate that she was very much in love with this man. But this was her imagination, a dream and nothing more. She needed a good dose of reality, as her fiancé always reminded her. She looked at the ring on her finger and ripped it off, throwing it into the woods with a cry of disgust and anger. The Hatter sat and watched her, a frown still on his face.

"Will the old Alice ever return?" He asked.

"I AM ALICE! I am not Almost Alice or Hardly Alice or Nearly Alice or Possibly Alice or the Wrong Alice. I am Alice. The End. This isn't a game, this isn't reality. This is my dream! This is my world! This is all in my head and clearly I've gone quite mad!" She said and laughed. "To think I actually enjoyed having you in me, caressing me. To think I love you! You are merely a thought of mine. Gone in the next instant." She covered her face in her hands trying to keep from weeping in defeat. He came and put his arms around her and whispered into her ear.

"I know you are absolutely Alice. Even if you aren't the same as you once were." He kissed her ear tip and she looked at him. "I wish you would truly trust that this is what is going on around you. I wish you would stop your outbursts of anger!"

"I can't believe you still absolutely believe in me." She pushed him away. "You can't be real. You're too good for reality to mar." She held her hand out. "Just take me home, so that I can forget all this." He looked at her and his eyebrows crossed in confusion and disappointment. He took her hand in his and kissed it. She looked at him and he turned away. Alice could swear she saw a small tear fall down his cheek.

"I am glad I was able to give you all," He looked at her and she saw a couple tears fall from his now blue green eyes. She didn't want to make him cry. She just wanted for things to make sense. She looked down ashamed and followed him numbly to whatever grand place he was about to take her in the dream. Her body was still vibrating with the wonderful feeling he had released in her. She wished it was real so she could move with him like that every day. But Alice knew she all she needed was time to wake up soon and sane before she woke up with dreams in her eyes and madness in her heart. She needed to render him a kindness once again and stop abusing him so, even if he was an apparition in her life.

"I am glad I was able to give you all as well. You are the only one I will ever love." She returned to the chair and placed her temples in her hands. Together they sat in a saddened silence. Her soul love was one that could never exist in the aristocratic reality. Her soul mate was nothing but a dream. But she was glad that they could be together for a little bit. It was time to mourn the goodbyes now in silence and singleness. Before she would go to Mirana and open her eyes to her fake love.

"At least I will die knowing that I have found my soul one." She reached across the table and grabbed his hand.

"You will always be my fair one." He answered as she kissed his hand. She yearned to crawl into his lap to ride him again. But it wasn't to be. She closed her eyes and felt his lips upon her index finger; she wanted to remember this feeling, this small moment of peace, on the day that she died.


	17. Welcome to Mystery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Welcome to Mystery" by Plain White T's

_Imagine a place you can always escape to_   
_An island off the coast of nowhere_   
_A new destination of your own creation_   
_Just waiting till you choose to go there_

He had brought her to his house before they were on their journey. Alice had quickly locked herself in the bathhouse, afraid to think about what had just happened. She was a little embarrassed about the way she had so primeval behaved but a certain portion of her smiled. This dream was allowing her to let loose, this man was allowing her to have her hair down. How she wished, when she awoke, that she could take his hand and pull him with her into reality. But she washed the idea away with a splash of cool water to the red face. Her cheeks had remained rosy for quite some time after the little incident but she gently held a cool cloth to her face.

Next Alice went about mending the area between her legs. Her sex was covered in blood which seemed strange to her. This was a dream, why would something in reality that was unpleasant such as this need to occur along with the deed? Would not her first time in fantasy be free of a torn hymen? Alice bit her lip as she gently massaged the damp cloth she had found in the room against her no longer maiden hole. She closed her eyes as it throbbed as she quickly mended the bloody area. She grabbed her pantaloons that she had picked up from the ground on her way back and pulled them back over her hips.

Alice adjusted her dress and took the stockings into her hand. This was her place; she had no need for stockings and no need for the dreadful corset either. She was beginning to relax in the dream; she was beginning to relax with him around. She had given him her mind, she had bequeathed it to him no matter how foolish it seemed.

Alice looked into the mirror one last time; her cheeks were a little less ruddy as she had cooled down in the bathhouse. Alice turned to the door, pausing at the lock. It was time to go to see the White Queen. It was time to return home. Alice realized now that she was going to miss this place but she could always return. That cat was wrong, wasn't he? This was her dream, her nightmare, her burden. She could pick it up and carry it whenever she needed to escape. As long as she didn't go too far, as long as she didn't give up all of herself to be here she would escape the other side of madness. She was already halfway insane as it was. She remembered someone saying that to her, though whoever it was escaped her now.

She heard footsteps in the hall growing louder as they approached the door. They stopped and she could see the shadow in the small space that always dwells in limbo of the door and the floor. His breathing could be heard, his forehead must be resting upon the wood. Alice placed her hand against the strong material; it was cool to the touch. She imagined her forehead pressing against his, their hands pressing against the other's.

"Alice?" His words broke the silence. "Are you ready to be off?"

"Yes," Alice answered quietly. "Yes." She answered a little more loudly. It was time to be gone. It was time to face reality. But perhaps there could be two realities? A home away from home. Her own family had one of those. Hers would just be less expensive than an actual home. Yet it would be so much more, it would be a whole world.

Alice turned quickly and caught her face in the mirror. She had less rouge in her complexion but her eyes- her eyes were once again filled with a spark. She smiled, placing a hand on her cheek. Then she turned to open the door. There he stood, his hand outstretched. Alice took it this time without hesitation.

_Imagine a city where everything's pretty_   
_And you sir, you rule the kingdom_   
_You call the shots you can do what you want to_   
_Oh just imagine the freedom_

He led her to a place that they had not yet travelled. The fields were more green than the one she had travelled to outside the Duchess' garden. Alice held tight to Tarrant's arm, he looked over at her with a strange doubt in his eyes. She felt closer to him than she had any other person she had ever met. She didn't appreciate the glances that he kept giving her.

"Is something wrong?" She asked, her cheek resting upon his shoulder. He put his hand upon her fingers that gripped his forearm.

"You are strangely Alice. I mean- it's as if you have turned around completely and gone from sort of Alice to completely Alice."

"Is that a bad thing? I thought that was what you wanted of me." She was shocked at his response and her head shot up from its resting point. He shook his head as he looked down at her.

"No, no it is not at all a bad thing. I rather like having muchy Alice back than moody Alice." He winked his big green eyes at her. "You are much easier to get along with."

"Pardon?" Alice asked in mock astonishment. He gave a loud, mad laugh and she couldn't help but join along with him.

"Perhaps you just gave me a different perspective on life." Alice smiled up at him. "I'm sorry that I was such a blockhead about that whole tea party mess."

"Alice, please." He stopped her at the gate of the city. "It was far from a mess and it was something that I wanted as much as you. I am quite the slurvish fellow, I just prefer to hide that around you."

"I wouldn't believe that for a minute, Tarrant Hightopp." She laughed then turned back to the path. "What have we stumbled upon?"

The city they were entering was one of legend. People, animals, creatures, and cards were all about performing day to day chores and trades. The white buildings stood majestically side by side, children ran in and out from houses in games of tag. Alice couldn't help but laugh at the sight of their joy. This was a completely contrast from the woods she had come from but it was easily welcomed.

"This is the city of Marmoreal. All those who had gone into hiding during the Red Queen's reign came out after you helped defeat her. They once again could come from the shadows to live in the light." He led her forward into the city. Eyes began to look at her as the denizens paused in their work. Alice blushed as they all looked her way. "Now they are able to live in peace without fear and it is all because of you, our Champion." He whispered down to her.

Alice blinked as she looked around at the people. One of the young men by the well in the center of the city set his bucket down as they approached. He then began to clap. His clapping became louder as the two stepped closer only to be joined with more hands. An applause rung out in the city as Alice passed through on the arms of the Hatter.

She was embarrassed; she didn't need or deserve this kind of attention. She hadn't done anything great. She had gone to China and back again. She risked many sailors' lives, endangered all those that went on expeditions. She was no hero. She was Alice Kingsleigh who still couldn't find enough guts to stand up to her fiancé when she was to awake. Alice Kingsleigh who was beginning to give up on her hopes because she was too afraid. She was Alice Kingsleigh who wanted to live in her mind for the rest of her life.

"You are Alice Kingsleigh," Tarrant interrupted her thought as he led her through the throng of praise. "the muchy girl who was able to do the impossible." Alice's mind lay quiet as his words echoed through her mind.

_Blue tree tops and velvet skies_   
_Blue ready to blow your mind_   
_Oooo_

Alice and Tarrant approached the castle in silence, the drawbridge open to the two travelers. A knight stood at the door, a smile upon his face.

"By the white!" The old gentleman cried out. "It's our Champion! Ahoy!" He called, jogging forward, his shiny armor clanking. Alice let go of Tarrant's arm to embrace the knight with a smile.

"Why Charlie!" She cried in excitement.

"I wondered if I'd ever see you again." The Knight said with joy as he took Alice's hand in his.

"This Kindly Hatter agreed to take me all the way to Marmoreal. And he has."

"Tarrant Hightopp," Charlie answered, slight agitation in his voice. Alice looked to Charlie's face which held anger.

"Please Charlie," Tarrant said as he looked to Alice. "All we wish to see is Mirana."

"The White Queen?" Charlie looked to Tarrant with a wary look.

"Yes!" Alice interrupted. "We need to see the White Queen. So she can help me return home."

"Home?" Charlie looked to Alice with devastation. "Why would you want to return home, Alice?" He took her hand in his. "Stay here with us, Alice, please!"

"I wish I could," Alice looked up into the old face. His brown eyes looked down on her, his skin was leathery from years of riding (and falling mostly) off his horse. He looked tired from eons of battle. But in him was something more. He truly wanted her to stay with them. Dreaming forever, that was what most people hoped for.

"Living in a dream would be so much easier. But there are things I need to do."

"Alice, you were given time to do them! Please, you promised to return."

"I have, haven't I?" She covered his worn hand in his.

"No, Alice. To return to us forever."

"I need to see Mirana," Alice said, letting go of the Knight's hand and turning to the Hatter.

"Perhaps she could make you see more clearly! Mirana is certainly a clever one!" The Knight looked to her first then to Tarrant. He seemed displeased that Tarrant was upon her like that but she shoved the notion from her mind.

"Let's go, Alice." Tarrant said, leading her past the Knight.

"Good bye, Alice! I hope not for too long!" Charlie called as they walked by. Alice continued to look forward, resolute on not making another promise to the people in her mind. They were determined to keep her to it. It was something that was causing her head to spin more and more.

_Imagine a room where the flowers they bloom_   
_Through the cracks in the floor and the ceiling_   
_Just you and the missus and roses and kisses_   
_My, what a wonderful feeling_

Tarrant led Alice down the halls of a great palace. Everything was white; the walls, the ceiling, the floors. The floors were also decorated with a black chess pattern that Alice found somewhat handsome. She began to notice the chess theme that worked its way into the decorum as well as the color teal. She found the furnishing to be very eclectic but very attractive at the same time. Alice smiled at what her mind could come up with.

She continued on, holding tight to Tarrant's arm until they reached a great door. The door was dark in color and its bolts and trimming were a silver metal. The portals made it very clear that the room the two stood at the threshold of was very grand and that one better mind their Ps and Qs. Alice gasped, letting go of Tarrant's arm to take a step backwards in her shock as the doors before her opened to a great throne room.

In the throne room was a grand chair that sat at the end of the skinny carpet path. Upon that throne sat a very elegant and very pale woman. With a tiny push from Tarrant upon the small of her back, Alice proceeded forward to the woman. The woman rose as Alice came forward, her hands rising very royally to her sides. She smiled at Alice with her dark lips, her white hair falling about her shoulder. Alice looked nervously at the woman but kept putting one foot in front of the other.

"Alice!" The woman cried with joy. "You've returned." She quickly proceeded down the steps of elevated floor where her throne sat. Her steps quickly went toward Alice as she giggled. Alice was shocked as she was enveloped in the Queen's arms.

"I need your help, your Majesty."

"Please, Alice! No formality is needed! I am Mirana to you." She smiled, her hands wrapping around the young lady's forearms. "Now, what is it that I can do for you?"

"I need to go home." Alice said looking into the Queen's dark eyes. They flashed with confusion as she searched Alice's face.

"Home? Alice what are you talking about?" The Queen asked, placing her hand on Alice's cheek. She glanced past Alice to most certainly look at Tarrant who stood behind the two women.

"I am dreaming, Mirana." Alice responded with urgency. "I need to wake up and I've been told by the people and creatures around here that you could help me." Mirana glanced past her again making eye contact with Alice's guide. She smiled suddenly and looked down to Alice.

"Of course, I can help you get out of here, Alice!" She responded warmly. "Come with me," She wrapped her arm around the Champion's shoulders.

"Wait!" Alice said, squirming out of Mirana's grip. "I just want to say goodbye." Mirana gave her a nod of approval.

Alice turned to go to Tarrant. She quickly embraced him, her cheek pressing against his chest. His arms stayed at his sides as he looked down at her, unsure of what she was up to. She went to her tip toes and took his lips in hers. She kissed him, her tongue pushing against his lips. He opened the kiss gently, a little hesitant this time. She kissed him with her whole mouth as her spit washed with his. He kissed her back, his hand wrapping around the back of her head. They kissed for awhile longer before Alice pulled away.

"Thank you Tarrant, for everything. I will never forget you." She answered. "No matter what happens." She turned back to Mirana whose arm was outstretched to wrap around her shoulders. She brought Alice under her arm and brought her close to her body as she led the girl to the room next door. Alice glanced back to see Tarrant stand with a worried look upon his face and his hat in his hand.

_This is a place where your mind can escape_   
_All the problems today and go far, far away_   
_This is a time with no history_   
_Feel no misery_

_Come and visit me_   
_Welcome to mystery_

Mirana took Alice into the room next door which turned out to be some sort of drawing room. Alice looked at the chairs and sofa which were gathered around a table. She smiled at the setting; the Queen looked as if she really could help! Alice turned to Mirana who motioned for the guest to sit upon one of the chairs. "Would you like anything to eat or drink?" She asked with generosity.

"No, I am satisfied, thank you." Alice responded, sitting herself down in a chair. She folded her hands in her lap with a smile.

"Now Alice, I am not sure how I am to send you home seeing as you already are."

"Yes, I realize that this is my head and that I am quite at home in it. But Mirana, I need to get back to the Engagement party before they all realize that I've gone missing."

"Alice, calm down. You will be just fine. By now they probably have noticed that you are absent." She sat down on the chair across from Alice, her body angled the entire time. "But first, we need to talk about this Alice. You don't need to worry about going back to that place if you don't wish to." The Queen said with a smile upon her dark lips. Alice's eyebrows crossed in confusion.

"I am dreaming!"

"Listen to me Alice. You think this could all possibly be a dream? That you've fabricated every bit of it? That you have made every creature here in all their madness and all their ignorance to the physical rules of your world? Alice are you naïve enough to think that you could have formed all your friends the way they are? The Cheshire Cat and every form of his mystery? The Hare and his fits? That you made up me and all that I have kept back from you until now? And Alice, you truly believe in your heart of hearts that you have constructed Tarrant Hightopp with all his perfections and all his imperfections? The way he makes you blush, the way his lips feel against yours? You can just imagine that all up? You are lying to me if you say that you made up all that feeling at that tea table." Alice's cheeks blushed in horror as Mirana brought up her first sexual experience. "I imagine that in your dreams you'd be so detailed enough to include the anatomy break that happens in young little virgins like you." She said flippantly, placing a hand to her chest. "Dear me, Alice, I have been quite rude. But you already knew that I am not one to skirt around the mess when I need people to see sense. Since you made me after all." A deep challenge was in the voice of the monarch.

Alice's head was throbbing. She was right. There was no way she would have been able to make all this possible in her head; no matter how great a creator she was. So that meant- no it couldn't possibly be. In her thoughts Alice got up and began to pace. Mirana remained quiet, allowing the woman serenity with which to place her thoughts. Alice gripped her elbows as she walked from one side of the room to the other.

_No, no it couldn't possibly be! This was something she made up! She had to. She had to do it in order to escape, right? But they had all told her that this was reality. And he- he would be real! He would be something that she could grab! Something that she could hold onto!_

Alice grabbed her head in her hands."This is real!"

"Yes, Alice!" The Queen said with delight, looking at the girl with a smile.

"This is truly real. Not something of which I've made up. Not a nightmare- those were memories!" Alice exclaimed as she began to put the pieces of the puzzle together. "That means that all I've seen here…it all is impossible! But the impossible happens!" Alice was delirious in her joy. "That bread and butterfly…I know what he's talking about. I thought this was all a dream and yet…it was real. I just had to make it so!" Alice looked to Mirana with joy as she continued on in her ramble. "Why, that means Tarrant is real and that means that…..that means."

"Yes, Alice."

"I've really given him everything?" Alice said looking back at the door as if he were standing outside it himself.

"I'm afraid so."

"I don't mind that I gave him my innocence. In fact, I am perfectly fine with that." Alice smiled at her. "Please don't tell anyone." Alice said as he cheeks flushed a deeper red.

"I am afraid I have no control." Mirana tented her fingers. "But I will tell those of which I heard it from to cease their words."

"I need to go." Alice said looking back to Mirana.

"I understand, go finish figuring things out, Alice. You are welcome here in Marmoreal."

"Thank you."

"And Alice," Mirana said, pausing the girl mid exit.

"Yes?"

"Welcome to Mystery." The Queen smiled as the Champion's face erupted in a grin. She nodded her head in thanks and left the room, leaving the White Queen to sit in satisfaction.


	18. Painting Flowers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Painting Flowers" song by All Time Low

_Strange maze, what is this place?_   
_(I hear voices over my shoulder)_   
_Nothing's making sense at all._   
_Wonder, why do we race?_   
_(When everyday we're runnin' in circles)_   
_Such a funny way to fall._   
_Tried to open up my eyes,_   
_I'm hopin' for a chance to make it alright._

Alice had come upon the realization that this was more than a dream. It was a feeling that was just as overwhelming as it was freeing. But Alice also realized that it didn't make her decision any easier. She would still need to choose whether she was going to stay or if she was going to go.

Alice had left the room with Mirana still in it. She needed to get out of the castle. She wanted to see the blue sky that was above her, she wanted to feel the green grass that was below. She had finally found that her other land was real. Alice had flown out the doors of Marmoreal and across the wooden drawbridge. She spun and giggled as she would have at the age of four. She felt like something had been lifted off her shoulders. The shackles had fallen from her hands!

"The White Queen has helped me home!" She laughed. A home that she could return to any time she wanted. She raced into the meadows to the left of Marmoreal screaming in delight. Her foot caught in a small rodent hole sending her head first into the ground. But Alice didn't care. She ripped the grass from their roots, bringing it to her face to smell their sweetness.

"One could easily mistake you for a mad woman." A feline voice chuckled above her. Alice opened her green eyes and looked up with glee.

"Oh, Chess! I've finally figured out that this place is home, that the people here are as real as can be."

"So what will you do since you've caused many of them harm."

"Harm?" Alice sat up; the sun was shining down on her curls. She sat for a moment. "Tarrant!" Alice scrambled to her feet. "Oh I've been an utter bother to him. And even bigger monster than I thought I was."

"So where are you racing off to now, Alice?"

"I need to go and find him." Alice paused in her haste to look at Chess. He rested in the air as if perched upon an invisible ledge. His gray and teal striped tail flicked back and forth while his large smile decorated his face.

"Slow down Alice. In your hurry you have already tested enough patience."

"I didn't take your advice very well, did I?" Alice muttered.

"Sometimes fate hands us advice far before we are able to use it."

"You knew that I wouldn't accept that this was my reality, didn't you?" Alice pointed an accusing finger at him. The cat let out a dignified purr.

"It seems that since you've Championed the frumious Bandersnatch everyone has forgotten about the Oraculum. It happened to reveal that it would take you some time before you got your 'Aliceness' altogether, as your Hatter would say."

"Why is it that whenever I leave this place…I always forget it? I don't understand that."

"No one ever does." The cat smiled. "But you kept calling yourself back."

"Only to keep running in circles," Alice said with disappointment. "It is such a strange way to get here, down that rabbit hole."

"The question now is, Alice, are you going to go back up it?"

"I am not certain yet," Alice answered. "I need to go talk to someone first."

"Just continue thinking, Alice, because the hand is still the same. This is your last time in Underland. You'll forget about us and go on with your life." Alice turned to the cat with a smile. She went over to stroke him, as she did he began to melt away.

"Thank you, Chess. Thank you for everything." When his smile was the last thing to melt away Alice turned on her way back to the castle that loomed in the distance. It was time to make herself fully Alice.

_Holdin' my clutch,_   
_Even my heart,_   
_(Wish we could start all over)_   
_Nothing's makin' sense at all._   
_Tried to open up my eyes,_   
_I'm hopin' for a chance to make it alright._

Alice had been instructed by one of the swan maids that Tarrant was in the royal sewing room, waiting for her arrival. She had quickly asked for direction and to her dismay the swan took forever remembering the best route to the room. When the swan had finally decided that the best way was to go down the hall then take the first staircase on the right to take a left at the top of the case, then going down the way a little further would be the best way Alice had immediately taken off running. She was so eager to apologize to her faithful companion that she had treated so poorly.

When she finally saw the door she slowed in pace, trying to catch her breath. Sweat of nervousness and exertion had filmed her forehead; she quickly tried to wipe it away before she came to the midnight sky colored doors. Taking deep breaths Alice began to slow her heart; she wanted to have as much control over her emotions as possible. With renewed strength the woman went to the door to fling it open. She had interrupted Tarrant in the middle of his work.

He held a beautiful crafted white lady's hat in his hand. He was gently weaving a string of pearls around the crown of the head piece. He dropped the string of pearls on the ground sending the small white marbles all over the dark wooden floors. His large eyes widened as he looked to see Alice, flashing from a burnt orange to their emerald green. His red lips curled into a smile as he placed the hat on the table. Alice stood still in the door frame; her body was shaking in fear. What if she had pushed him so far that he was going to reject her?

"Tarrant….Tarrant I'm so sorry." Alice hadn't wanted to cry. She wanted to keep all her emotions together so that she could talk to him with assertiveness and control. She wanted to be straight forward with him, to show she was sincere. Now she was bawling like a small scolded child standing before her parents with an apology.

"Alice," Her tears had caused her to pause. "There are more tears on your pretty cheeks."

"Tarrant….I've been so horrible to you! I completely took advantage of all your help, all your time, your body. I forced myself upon you; I pushed myself into your life."

"Oh Alice," Tarrant came forward again, taking her in his arms. He guided her by the shoulders into the room after placing a kiss upon her forehead and shut the door.

"Let me finish." She sat down on the sofa that was against the furthest wall. "I need to get this all out, Tarrant. Because I was a horrible...well a horrible bitch." The word stung Alice but it was appropriate to how she had been acting. "I couldn't listen to any of you and look where it got me. I just wish I could tumble down that rabbit hole all over again."

"You'd have to go back up there then." He said with a smile, reaching over to touch her face.

"I just wish I could make everything alright." She answered, pulling her knees in against her chest. Tarrant smiled at her.

"Alice, you are a frustrating woman." He pulled her against his chest.

"I can't believe you put up with me as long as you did." She answered.

"Whenever one is patient with you, my fair one, you always come out with your best."

"You are too good to be true. Tarrant, come back with me to my land."

"Alice?"

"Come back with me." She twisted herself again and kissed the side of his mouth. "Come to my world, live with me. I will be able to tell Bayne no with you by my side."

"Why can't you stay here, Alice?" He asked as he turned his head to kiss her lips.

"All I want is you." She whispered. Tarrant kissed her neck.

"You have all of me." He whispered into the soft skin of her throat. She bit her lip then stood, walking to the door. She set the bolt and laughed.

"No, my mad man, you have all of me." She straddled his lap and kissed his mouth even more deeply.

_I heard everything you said,_   
_I don't wanna lose my head!_   
_When I wake up,_   
_the dream isn't done._   
_I wanna see your face_   
_and know I made it home._   
_If nothing is true,_   
_What more can I do?_   
_I am still painting flowers for you._   
_I am still painting flowers for you._   
_I am still painting flowers for you_

Alice had awoken early that morning; McTwisp had sent her a memo the previous night that Mirana wished her to join the Monarch for breakfast. Alice had almost missed the memo, Tarrant and she had enjoyed sharing each other's bodies. She had arrived to the room late into the night after Tarrant had insisted she get a good night's rest in a proper royal bed. Alice had wanted to fit her body into his all night but she had caused him enough trouble. She found the note upon her vanity desk, reading it before collapsing in exhaustion on the bed.

She slept soundly until the Underland sun's rays kissed her slightly on the nose. She had aroused and dressed herself quickly in a dress that Mirana had provided; it was a white strapless dress which was decorated with a large ribbon on her hip. Pearls and tiny crystal like gems were beaded into the bodice. The skirt was full and designed in a ruffled pattern. Alice felt as if she were the princess in the castle which caused her to walk straighter as she joined the Queen for the first meal of the day.

Mirana had greeted her with a dark smile upon her lips and a warm hug in her pale arms. The two sat down for a breakfast of eggs. They were the oddest looking eggs that Alice had ever seen, their yolks were white and the outer parts of the egg, called appropriately whites in Alice's world, were the color of the grass. Indeed these were green eggs. They sat cooked in their purple shell. Alice was afraid to try it at first but upon first bite found that the egg had a salty yet sweet flavor. With the eggs was a sweet piece of toast that Alice found much to her enjoyment.

"Alice, how have you taken to the idea of this world being reality?" The Queen asked as Alice took another slice of toast.

"It has been a relief." Alice responded as she slathered the toast with butter. "The dream is never going to end, it's something that I've always been hoping for but was always afraid to imagine."

"You were afraid of your dreams, Alice?" Mirana said with a frown of disapproval upon her face. Alice envied the way the Queen's saddened look still appeared graceful and gorgeous.

"People in my world don't dream. If we do, we keep it quiet." Alice took another bite of toast. After she chewed and swallowed her food she proceeded. "The lower classes will work until they die. The upper classes will follow silly societal rules until we pass on." She looked down at her food with a blush.

"You dreamed, Alice." Mirana spoke for her with confidence.

"It got me into nothing but trouble." Alice muttered. "The only dreamer that truly did any good was my Father."

"That isn't true," Mirana reached over and put her hand upon Alice's. "You have done so much for us with your dreaming. You have freed Underland and all her citizens. Alice, you are a great dreamer. Do not let people who make rules and regulations tell you that you can't continue."

"I don't want to cause any more trouble. All I do when I go places is cause trouble. I've caused so much of it here. I've been awful to Tarrant and he didn't deserve any of the things I'd done to him."

"Alice," Mirana leaned across the table. "Could you imagine life without him?"

"Not anymore," Alice put the piece of toast upon the plate. "Wherever I am with him, I'm home."

"He can't go with you back to Upperland."

"But why can't he?" Alice looked over to Mirana. "I don't know if I can leave my mother alone."

"Alice, she will be cared for." Mirana smiled. "I think she would rather you be blissful here with us than miserable with a man you care less for up there." The Queen responded.

"Nothing is straight forward anymore. I wish that one of my worlds was false, it would be easier that way." Alice put her head in her hands.

"Don't worry so much, Alice. The less you worry your mind over it, the more the answer will become clear." Mirana placed her small fork in her eggs. "Now let us get back to enjoying our breakfast." She winked at Alice then brought the food to her mouth and chewed.

Alice took the toast back in her hand but her appetite had shrunk. She was trying her best to not think about what she was to do next but it seemed to creep back into the just as confused spaces. She knew that she wanted to be with Tarrant but how would she be able to leave everything she knew behind? Alice took a bite of bread so Mirana couldn't tell anything was wrong, she would need to decide on her own from now on. Alice needed to step up now instead of stumbling like before.


	19. In Transit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "In Transit" song by Mark Hoppus & Pete Wentz

_The world is filled with_

_The minds of people who try to discuss_

_A light will shine through_

_When no one can save you_

Alice sat in the kitchen of Marmoreal and watched the March Hare preparing some sort of roasted fowl for her lunch. She loved the way he talked, his thick accent she had never heard before. He paid her no attention as he went on, chopping quickly carrots and throwing them on the dark meat that sat in the deep pan. He poured some liquid labeled Mouth Water over the mix and Alice felt her stomach churn. Perhaps she didn't want to know what was in a well made Underlandian meal because it was so drastically different here. Alice tried to get his attention.

"Hare?"

"Thackery's meh nahme!" He cried out and grabbed three celeries, he threw it on the table and quickly his large knife chopped into little bits. Alice shook her head as he diced the vegetable even smaller. How did he do that and yet was able to keep all his little toes on his paws?

"Thackery, then." She said and crossed her arms on the table. "I don't know what I should do anymore." She realized how absurd she sounded as she tried to talk to the distracted hare. Thackery froze and looked at her with his wild yellow eyes.

"Ah donnae lyk discussin' other pehple's paths wyth tham!" He cried and tossed an egg her way. She ducked just in the nick of time and it landed with a cracking sound against the far wall.

"But I need to figure out what I am going to do. Everyone in this court seems to think that I am going to stay here. But why should I? I am getting married next week and I have a fine business. I can't stay in Underland forever."

"Buh why nae?" He asked her and looked at the spoon he held in his shaking paw. "Spoon…" He whispered. Alice was baffled at how preoccupied this hare seemed to be but at the same time he listened to every word she uttered.

"I have a life, Thackery. It's up there." She uncrossed her arms and pointed her index finger at the ceiling. "There are people waiting for me to return."

"Pehple's wa' waitin' fer yah tah rahturn 'ere as well." One of his ears fell and he scratched his shaggy fur.

"What do you mean, Thackery?" She said and the hare shook his head.

"Nae, I cannae tell yah. 'e'd beh migh'ee angrey 'e woul'." Thackery answered her. Alice leaned forward.

"Who would, Thack?"

"Tah Ma' 'a'er."

"Who?"

"Tarrant." He said and rolled his large eyes. "'E's behen waitin' a long tyme fer yah. A long tyme indead!" His nose twitched and he grabbed the wooden spoon in both paws holding it tightly. Alice sighed again as the smile of a cat appeared on the table next to her. She jumped slightly and the Cheshire cat appeared fully on the table.

"How long have you been there?" Alice asked the cat, placing her chin on her fingers. The cat flicked his tail and smiled.

"You catch on quickly that I am always here. What a clever little woman you are."

"I am not clever! I am very, very stupid! I can't even make good decisions for myself!"

"Your earlier conversation with the hare was much more interesting." The cat flicked his tail and looked to Thackery. The March Hare disappeared into the pantry quickly and soon things came flying out. Alice looked to Chess with worry.

"I think it was a rather pointless conversation. Thackery wasn't giving me much help in what to do."

"Well, I am a rather knowledgeable cat; perhaps I could help you with your thoughts." He said and flicked his tail.

"But you're mad!" Alice cried out and the cat laughed.

"Indeed I am. But everyone here is mad, Alice. So you can't very well ask anyone here." He said with a very cat like laugh.

"I cannot disagree,"

"Now you are trying to choose which place to make your own, am I not correct? Whether it be your sensical world up there." His eyes went upward. "Or our grand Underland." He flicked his tail again.

"Every time I try to decide, I choose something that is going to upset someone."

"You are always going to upset _someone_ , Alice. You can't possibly please everyone or you will make yourself completely loony." He rested his cat cheek on his paw and smiled up at her. "Alice, even if it sounds slurvish, you must decide for yourself what you are going to do. You can't allow for anyone else's path to decide yours."

"I can't seem to find a right path to even go down." She felt tears prick her eyes.

"Alice, think about what you need. Think about what you want." He smiled. "I have notions that you chastely kiss your fiancé in your own world but have perhaps not been so reserved with Underland's dearest milliner." He answered. Alice hung her head.

"That was very slurvish of me and I should feel horrid. But I am glad that it happened." She said and immediately became embarrassed for discussing it with the cat. He rolled his large teal eyes and flicked his tail.

"I would imagine _that_ would give you some sort of inkling as to where you will stay. But I am just a humble Cheshire cat. What do I know of your silly little head, Alice?" He vanished with the flick of his tail and was surprised to see a very stunned hare standing there with a mortified expression in his eyes. Alice stood abruptly as she realized her had heard _everything_ \- including Chess's little notion. She left the kitchen quickly and down the hall she went.

_And you feel_

_The eyes of people who try to decide_

_You'll find yourself lost_

_Inside of the chaos_

Alice found herself later that evening standing on Mirana's grand balcony overlooking much of the beautiful and fruitful Marmoreal that lay under the full moon. She swore she saw Chess's smile in the moon but chalked it up to her crazy imagination. The breeze that drifted past her smelled sweet, like freshly opened plumera, and she loved the way it tickled and teased her hair. She noted she didn't feel so tired in Underland; she had slept soundly in the castle last night.

The journey through this amazing place she had taken with Tarrant had worn her out thoroughly. She slept like she hadn't in years in the Queen's luxurious visitor's room. Underland felt like her home, Alice knew that as soon as she stepped foot in the place. Even if it was a dream to her then she would have eagerly stayed forever if it were possible. It would have been easier having that option than having the one to stay.

"Alice," A whisper came from behind her causing the women to turn around. Mirana stood in her magical white dress looking at Alice with her big brown eyes. She came forward and placed a hand under Alice's chin. "You look so much better today. Not so…weary." She observed and her other hand brushed across Alice's forehead and down her cheek. Alice smiled at the Queen and turned back to lean over the balcony.

"I feel much better." She admitted with a sigh. "I haven't slept without nightmares in months. I think I slept through the entire night without once waking up in a cold sweat at the sight of Underland."

"Wonderful," She clasped her hands together and came to stand next to Alice. "Have you decided yet what you are going to do?" Mirana winked at the Champion whose face fell from a contented smile.

"I'm afraid I haven't. I talked a bit with Chess about it today and I've come to realize that I am going to let people down either way." Her heart raced as Mirana placed a comforting hand upon her shoulder.

"Oh, Alice, I wish that there was a way I could provide you with a very straightforward answer. I am afraid I can't."

"The person who matters the most to me, though, I don't think they want me around. I'm afraid I treated them terrible and quite possibly have used them." She said and bit her lip. "But I think that they still want me."

"Tarrant is in love with you, Alice. He wouldn't have let things happen that he didn't dare dream of in that mad little wonder of his mind." She answered with a smile. Alice's cheeks reddened. She felt uneasy with everyone in Underland as well as the Queen knowing about the tea table tryst. "Alice, you need to decide as soon as possible. If you wait too long the choice is going to be harder to make." Mirana whispered to Alice and the Champion half smiled. "I am afraid that is all the help I will be of, my dear Champion." She bowed to the girl and turned. "Choose the path soon, Alice, before you've found yourself lost in the madness."

_The world is filled with_

_The lives of people who try to define_

_The lines that find you_

_Can anyone save you?_

Alice knew she had been on the balcony an awfully long time and she was certain she would not only see the sun fall this evening but very well see the sun rise. She had found a bench to rest her legs upon as she looked out upon the stars of Underland. A small movement caught her attention and she looked over to see a blue butterfly making his way to the railing that she leaned upon. The butterfly flew very pretentiously and Alice had to laugh at its pride. She knew it could only be one creature. Absolem had found his way back to Underland and had somehow found his way to her. He landed on the balcony next to her.

"What I wouldn't give for a good nectar flavored smoke right about now." He muttered to himself and fluttered his wings before coming to a complete rest.

"Absolem!" Alice cried and leaned her face close to the beautiful insect. "Perhaps you can help me." She said with a smile. "I can't seem to find the path anymore. I don't know if I should stay here in Underland or if I need to return to my homeland."

"Well the very presence of the word 'need' in that sentence should give you a hint, stupid Champion." He said crankily.

"I don't know why you always insist I am not very bright, Absolem. I try my best to make good decisions." She said with a pout.

"And yet you always seem to be lost for a good amount of Time before wasting him. My dear, you have a bad habit of abusing that poor fellow." Absolem said, his beady eyes looking into Alice's green eyes. "Sometimes I wonder if anyone is capable of helping you out of the Gummer Slough."

"I am trying not to be a pain, Absolem, truly I am not. I love Underland. In fact, I _dream_ of Underland. I feel so at home here."

"And so in love?" The caterpillar flicked his wings again at Alice. Alice shook her head.

"I've learned to _never_ let that word help you make decisions."

"What a foolish and jaded thing to think, Alice. You have let a lot of people try to tell you how to live life with all sorts of refutable rules."

"Love is impossible!"

"Only if you _believe_ it to be, Alice! You have your Wonderland back. Now where is that muchness?" He asked in an irritated tone.

"I have watched my sister love a man that will bring her nothing but bitter cold nights and horrid heart ache and you tell me that love is possible if you believe it?" She said and stood up. "Love is a silly notion that is better left in books."

"And you burn all yours, don't you Alice?"

"I do what I know is right in my world!"

"This is not your world, you stupid girl!" The butterfly flicked his wings angrily and he began to turn a red color in the moonlight. "You have let a small number of people who are limited in what they think and how they act try to write your life for you. No wonder you can't find your way! You are a guddler's scut. You haven't anything inside to help you do anything."

"I do too!" Alice cried out, tears were now streaming down her face.

"Then why are you still trying to decide?" He challenged her. Alice shook her blonde hair.

"It's just complicated."

"Alice, things in Underland can be complicated. Things aren't limited to your world. We just think it's foolish to accept that the same logic and path applies to everyone. Different paths make different lines." He said. "I cannot help you anymore, you impossible, good for nothing child. Where has your sense of wonder gone, Alice? Who destroyed it for you?" And with that the butterfly took off from the railing and into the night sky.

_Go down the hall_

_Drink from the bottle_

_And never go home_

_No one's to blame_

_We're always the same_

Alice found herself strangely wandering into the workshop of Tarrant Hightopp, the Mad Hatter. He was probably one of the last people she should be taking advice from but she couldn't help but let her feet wander where they may. He was in the middle of making a very elegant cloche for Mirana, it was a cream white color with a large black sash. On the side of the hat was pinned a silver with black detailed daylily. Alice found herself leaning on the table, watching the man's scarred and experienced hands work. He glanced up at her and his gap toothed smile emerged.

"Alice," He said with his familiar and comforting lisp. "You know what day it is?"

"One that is hard to get through, not having much sleep." She said and he must have noticed the dark circles under her eyes.

"Are those gallymogger nightmares plaguing you again?" He asked and she shook her head.

"No the decision of returning to them or not is." She picked up a piece of silk and ran it through her hands. The lace was cool and smooth to the touch, the fabric a very pale purple. She pressed it to her lips enjoying the sensation when Tarrant came close and pushed her hand down. He took her lips in his for a gentle, modest kiss that sent Alice's heart racing. She felt her chapped lips kissing him back in a very romantic and intimate yet not sexual way. Alice opened her eyes to look into his green ones.

"You are staying, aren't you?" He pressed his finger to the tip of her nose and she looked down at the floor.

"I am not quite certain." She responded and placed the silk back to the table. Tarrant's lips felt so much better than the fabric. She looked over at him again. "I'm afraid to say that returning would be going back to the nightmares. But I've made so many promises up there, Tarrant."

"Make some down here, please Alice." He begged her as he went back to his machine. "Make a promise to stay with me forever."

"But I can always come…..no. I suppose I can't always come back." She said and went to the same side of the table as he, pulling herself up to sit upon its top. "I guess this is where I make promises too many and keep only too few."

"Make a promise to me, Alice. Promise me you will stay."

"What shall I stay for?" She asked him flirtatiously and he dropped the hat again to go to her side.

"Stay to hear the Tweedles tell stories. Stay to taste of all the things Thackery has to cook. Stay to hear all the adventures Mally will go on. Stay here to listen to Mirana encourage everyone along. Stay to see how many times Chess will disappear in a moment when we all need him." He said to her. Alice shook her hair.

"I can always imagine these things because none of you ever change." She looked at her hands again and suddenly his came into hers. They were the rough hands that had held her body so wonderful as they sought her sensitive places, hands that had protected her and guided her through the mayhaps of Underland. They were stained from years of working with mercury and they had many scars on them. She unwound his large thumb bandage and found the badly mangled phalange. She touched it gently with her own fingers and looked up at him. His eyes were a mix of yellow and green. Bidding her to stay. "I need a reason, Tarrant. A reason that triumphs over all reasons."

"Then….stay for me." He said and brought her hands to his mouth to kiss them. He kissed her knuckles, then her wrists. He made his way up her arm at a maddeningly slow pace; he pushed her dress sleeve down to kiss her shoulder and all in the curve of her clavicle. He kissed her neck. "Stay so I can learn to make you right." He said as his experienced hands tangled in her hair and grazed her hip. "Never go home." He whispered hotly into her ear. Alice pressed against him and her naughty little fingers found his waist coat buttons. She began to loosen them and she looked at him.

"I want to stay with you, Tarrant. I've already given all I am supposed to for Bayne." She said and he kissed her mouth deeply to keep her from talking again. It was going to be a mad romp in his workshop. She didn't want to use him again as he slowly kissed his way down her neck, she wanted to say she would stay before ever opening him up again.

"Tarrant, I don't want to just go about you whenever I want." She pushed his head away and he frowned, looking rejected. Alice brought her hands to his face and kissed his lips again, hanging onto his bottom one. "I know you aren't a dream, you aren't a toy. You are a very dear man." She felt his hands return to her torso.

"Alice, you could never hurt me. I wanted the same thing." He said and looked her in the eyes, the yellow gone.

"Tarrant, I…I can't." She said and he placed his finger under her chin.

"Alice, I louve yeh." He whispered into her ear hotly. She wanted to say something to him but the words stuck in her throat. She placed her head upon his shoulder and then pushed him away. She hopped off the table then looked back meeting his green eyed stare.

"I know what I'm going to do." She said to him before turning to leave. She knew that it hurt him but she knew it was only temporary.

_The truth is never far away_

_You only have yourself to blame[it's taking all your time]_

_Through open eyes_

_A slide of him_

_Won't you reveal to me?_

_Reveal to me_

_Reveal to me_

_Reveal to me..._

Alice came to dinner that night wearing a beautiful blue dress that Tarrant had made for her. She wanted to look extra special that night as she was going to announce her decision. Alice was late; she knew it from all the clocks that decorated Marmoreal, more for the sanity of McTwisp than any other courtier in the palace. So with a deep breath she went to the large white doors of the dining hall and thrust them open.

She certainly had gained the attention from everyone as they flew open with a large bang. Mirana sat at the head of the large table looking up curiously at the woman who was now looking down the table at her. Tarrant sat next to her, his once dull grey eyes were a little more colorful as he looked up at her and he couldn't help but grace his face with his gap toothed smile. Alice looked at him with a gulp and she barely noticed Mally, Chess, Thackery, Bayard, all the friends she had met and reunited with. She went to the right hand of the Queen's table and Mirana gestured for her to sit down.

"Mirana, I know what I am to do." Alice said and she pulled the jabberwocky blood from her bosom. Tarrant looked past the Queen with a gasp frozen on his face now. Alice knew she couldn't relay the message twice; she never would be able to make it mean the same thing the second telling. She stood atop her chair and gathered the attention of everyone. All the eyes looked to her as conversations paused mid speech.

"I suppose you all know that I am here from Upperland for a forth fantastic go around." She said and gathered her muchness, raising the vial of blood above her head. "But it seems I've come to the end of this straight road and must make a decision." She looked at all her friends that sat at the table.

Their eyes all caught hers and she felt as if she were drowning in a sea of stares so quickly she turned to the only gaze that mattered to her. But all she saw was the broad top of his hat. He had crossed his hands across his chest, bowing his head, letting his stare settle into his lap. He was already beginning to grieve her absence; one that she expected would last until they both perished. A tear slid down her cheek as she willed him to look up at her, the vial still among her finger tips. She cast it down on the table, shattering the glass.

"I have decided that Underland will be my new home." The head shot up as she kept his eyes on him. His green ones, now fully bright, caught hers and he stood to his feet. Then on the chair.

Alice shook her head to him subtly which kept him from leaping onto the table, surely running to her to envelop the girl in his arms. Alice watched the Jabberwocky blood soak into her shoes, staining the white satin purple. She let her eyes lift up and did a quick turn about, meeting the orbs of everyone else.

"I suppose that I should need a good reason to stay. But I don't have a good one. I am afraid that I am letting a lot of people down in my own world, just running away as I did. But chasing rabbits has always been a hobby of mine." This brought a smile to McTwisp. "It's just that, Underland has always been a place of excitement to me. A place to be Alice and not be sad that I am. Where rules matter less then sentence structure. And where you can trust even the mad to bring you safely to warm corridors." She winked at Tarrant and his white cheeks became rosy with a blush. "I had the answer all along, dear Underlandian friends. It has been staring me in the face the entire time I've been down this rabbit hole. I guess I just needed to open my eyes to it, I can only blame myself for remaining blind." She bit her lip as she ran out of things to say to her friends. "I think I show Time respect by revealing my intentions now." She answered and returned to her seat.

The table remained quiet as everyone's eyes focused on the blonde woman who sat so muchy like at the table. She began to stick her fork in the meat that Thackery had so tenderly cooked hours before; she'd hate to see it go to waste. Mirana turned to her with a knowing smile and nodded.

"Well chosen, my fair Alice." She said and touched the girl's cheek.

Alice looked over at Tarrant, who had returned to his seat but hadn't taken his eyes off her. The guests went to eating their meals then slipped off one by one. Finally it was only Mirana, Tarrant, and Alice left at the head of the table. The Queen looked to Alice on her right then to Tarrant on her left. She picked up her napkin from her plate, wiping her delicately dark mouth and stood.

"I believe it is my duty to leave you two alone. I am sure you have much to…discuss." Mirana said and placed her napkin on her plate before she walked away. Tarrant sat still staring intently at Alice and the girl frowned.

"Please stop looking at me so, you are making me nervous!" She placed her fork down and the Hatter shook his head.

"I'm sorry Alice, it's just that, well…" He shook his head again and looked to his plate now. "You're staying. I didn't much think you would. I was certain as you held that wretched vial in your hand that you would be bringing it to those soft little lips right there," He leaned across the Queen's chair to touch them, "And off you'd be to your own world where the nightmares would only continue. But then you'd be married off, right you would, and we'd have ourselves in a fix now wouldn't we. Especially if-"

"Tarrant," Alice said and leaned forward, kissing him to silent his rant. Tarrant kissed her back just as fiercely and his fingers raked through her hair. When she let go of his mouth he smiled at her.

"Thank you, I'm fine."

"As am I." She whispered with a warm breath and he placed himself fluidly in the Queen's chair so that he could better kiss and feel Alice's mouth and tongue.


	20. Strange

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Strange" song by Tokio Hotel & Kerli

_A freak of nature, stuck in reality_   
_I don't fit the picture, I'm not what you want me to be...sorry._   
_Under the radar, out of the system,_   
_caught in the spotlight, that's my existence,_   
_You want me to change, but all I feel is..._

Bayne had paced the grounds of the house where the party was held. They needed Alice but of course his strong willed soon-to-be-official fiancée had disappeared once again. Hours passed and still there was no sign of Alice. Mrs. Kingsleigh shook in fear for the safety of her youngest daughter and Margaret had requested to her husband that a search party be sent out.

Indeed a search party had been sent out.

Bayne was too humiliated with the fact that his fiancée had dumped him, merely left him sitting cold in the cool of the English night without ever returning. That Alice! Bayne constantly reminded himself that the reason he was going to marry this anomaly that no other man pursued was because she was soon to be heir to half of Lord Ascot's trading company. The other half would no doubt go to the dim witted son, Lowell. Bayne could easily use his honey sweet words and his influence to quickly get the frail brat to hand over the rest of his father's estate.

Now, however, Bayne was left with nothing. This was causing him to sweat. So he decided to do the next best thing. He paid one of the stable boys who was sent out to search for the instable woman to confess that he found Alice in a horrible condition and that condition was dead. Dead, dead, dead. Bayne paid the boy to pretend that she was dead and of course after a week of looking most of Alice would be rotted no doubt. All he would need to do was find a dress that was similar to the one that she had been wearing and find some wretched old prostitute that was already lying dead in the slums of England.

Yes, Bayne applauded himself for the quick little plan he had brewed up in his brain. He had paid a man to fetch a dead, blonde prostitute already in the state of decay. He paid the stable boy an even more handsome sum to dump her in the dress out in the woods. Then he, Bayne Johnson, would be there to comfort Mrs. Kingsleigh in her moment of grief; the poor woman losing two of her loved ones in a year. Bayne almost felt guilty for concocting the idea but then he chided himself. Alice had been a complete misfit while she was alive. She was better off dead to world she once came from. A world that Bayne knew very well she didn't fit into.

The plan had worked effectively and all believed Alice Kingsleigh to be dead- all except for her distraught mother who couldn't accept for a second that her daughter had gotten drunk and run off only to hit her head in her staggering. Bayne comforted Mrs. Kingsleigh in her disbelief and despair, surprising even himself with his ability to play the heartbroken fiancé. All was going well.

That is until he received a letter on his doorstep nearly a month later.

He wasn't sure where it had come from; no return address had been added. The handwriting looked nearly like Alice's as well. With a quick glance back and forth he stooped low to remove the letter from the ground and tucked it into his waist coat pocket. He then greeted his household servant and informed her that he had a headache and was rather tired today. He needed to study maps to get his mind off of Alice who was surely causing this pain in betwixt his ear ('even in her absence she is able to stir up trouble', he'd remarked) then retreated into his room looking the door so that no one could get in.

He pulled the letter from his waistcoat pocket, pausing before he opened it. He wasn't quite sure why he was being so secretive about a stupid envelope though the handwriting was causing his heart to race in nervousness. He ripped the container open, leaving the envelope jagged and ripped but he was more worried about its content. Bayne opened the letter which caused his jaw to drop as he glanced over the first couple lines in horror. His worst fear was coming true so he decided to read this letter aloud hoping that it would sink in, hoping he could formulate a plan, hoping that the end wasn't as bad as the greeting. So he began.

"Dear Bayne" He gulped. "Perhaps you have forgotten me; I was the strange one that always seemed to ruin your life. But it is indeed me, Alice. I am sorry if I caused a ruckus at our little party. I shouldn't really call it an engagement anymore." Bayne's eyebrows crossed in frustration and he was trying to understand what she was trying to say in her rambling.

"Bayne, you're free. I am in a place that you could never possibly understand, never possibly even know. I've told you about it many times before but you just wrote me out. It was too bizarre for your liking; I was too strange for your world. So this is goodbye Bayne. I am going to marry another. I just needed to at least be honest enough to tell you that much. I hope-" Bayne wanted to continue but a thought crossed his mind. At first it was very freeing but soon he found that it was even more haunting than he thought. Alice truly was gone; she wasn't going to come back to him and she wasn't going to come back at all. He needed to read on to ensure his hypothesis was true. But in his excitement Bayne dropped the letter and gave a whoop of joy. The thorn in his side was gone and finally his world could return to the proper thing it once was.

_If you want to fix me, push me_   
_into your fantasy,_   
_if you try to get me, sell me_   
_your personality_   
_You try to leave me, I don't get better,_   
_What's making you happy, is making me sadder,_   
_In your golden cage, all I feel is..._

Helen Kingsleigh found herself once again in the clothes of mourning. This time it was for her youngest daughter whose life was only just about to begin. The thought brought tears anew to her gray old eyes as she morosely looked out the window from Alice's room, though she sat today instead of standing. Her weary feet could barely hold her grief racked body upright as she waited by the window waiting for Alice to come home. They had claimed to find Alice's body; she'd seen the evidence. But something about Bayne Johnson and his collectiveness over his fiancée's passing didn't sit right with the older woman. She had lived too long on earth to be duped by play acting. Bayne most likely supposed he was good at pretending to grieve over Alice. But he wasn't; Helen had seen enough grief over a dead loved one when she looked in the mirror. She had lost her love and her lifelong best friend not long ago at all.

The thought of losing Charles and now Alice seemed unbearable. They were the two in her life that would always bring a smile to her thin lips while other ladies and lords fit her into their cage of expectations. But Alice never was a good fit for the gilded cage. Helen regretted trying to get her wonderful daughter to fit- she truly believed she was doing what was best for her. That was all Helen ever wanted. Margaret was already struggling in her life with Lowell and his expensive ways. She didn't want to see Alice go through the same thing.

As Helen glanced up from the old soft hands that folded in front her body she noticed a slight movement in the window. She thought that she could possibly be losing her mind to madness as Imogene had once long ago- but wait! There it was again. Helen leaned forward and placed her hand upon the window pane then pressed her forehead against it too as she squinted her eyes to get a better look.

Why, it was a rabbit in a waistcoat! Certainly she had misplaced her marbles as she focused harder on the darting white creature for she was sure she could see a letter between its sharp little teeth. Helen shook her head then placed her hand on her eyes. She needed to rest some more. The strain of losing Alice was becoming too much. As she turned she placed a hand out to steady her shaking legs on the back of her chair. Using the wall for assistance, Helen made her way out of Alice's room and was prepared to make her way down the hall to her own. A servant ran up the stairs, a tray in hand.

"Letter ma'am," He bowed and extended the tray toward her. Helen leaned upon the railing that lined the hall to overlook the foyer. She took the letter in unsure hands and smiled at the bumpy script that marked the front. All it said was

_Mother_

It was Alice's handwriting indeed and Helen quickly opened the letter with the opener that the servant had lay on the tray next to the envelope. With shaking words she began to read the letter out loud.

"My Dearest Mother," She began and inhaled deeply before she continued as she tried to control her emotions. "This is indeed you darling Alice (though I'm sure you recognized the sloppy cursive upon the envelope and upon this paper- Margaret was much better at letters than I) " Helen couldn't help but smile at her daughter's poke at herself. "I am alive. I am well. I am in a place that I have told you of a thousand times."

Helen paused then looked up at the servant. "She's in Wonderland isn't she?"

She smiled then turned back to the letter. "A certain friend who has delivered this message to you has informed me that my ex-fiancé is informing all that I am dead. Perhaps it is better that way for you will never really be able to explain quite where I went. I say ex-fiancé now for I am betrothed to another down here. I am sorry that this is something I cannot show you right now or even really explain. Rather, I shall try but I don't know how much I can be sure you'll understand." Helen smiled up at the servant.

Her daughter was alright. The letter was several more pages long and Helen would take the time to read it soon enough. But first she needed to let in the light in this dreary old house. Her daughter finally found the place where she could be Alice, where she didn't need to be fixed by society. She was finally going to be happy. That was all that mattered to Helen for now. She tucked the letter in her sleeve and made her way down the stairs to inform the maids to start letting in the light.

_Strange-When you touch me_   
_Strange-When you kill me_   
_Strange-All I feel is strange_   
_In my dreams,_   
_together, we'll be..._   
_Strange, strange,_   
_in your perfect world..._   
_Strange-I am so afraid_   
_Strange-I am so afraid_

Hamish had been the last to receive a letter and he found it very strange indeed that he had been sent one. Alice and he had been at worse odds in the past then they were now but he had never dared to consider her a close friend. That was an honor he could not bestow upon himself. Perhaps she had sent him one because they were business partners; finally able to see each other eye to eye.

He didn't want to open the letter so he let it sit upon his desk on the corner. The messy cursive that formed into his name had teased him for a week to open it. Hamish had put his mind elsewhere in order to try to bring confidence back to the company after one of its fearless leaders was discovered 'dead'. Alice Kingsleigh was laid to rest last weekend under a dismal sky that assailed the attendants of the funeral with stinging rain. Hamish had stood out in the cold (something his mother would never approve of considering his health) to gaze upon Alice's gravestone a little longer.

She was a woman he could never quite understand and one he knew he would never be able to captivate. Alice's attention would only be caught by someone as whimsical as she. Hamish had to admit he found it odd that his dear childhood friend had accepted the proposal of Lord Bayne Johnson- one of the most serious and letter of the law men he had ever met. Hamish had never caught a smile upon the investor's face- which was terribly upsetting when Hamish saw the man with his fiancée most of the time.

The ruddy Ascot felt a little ashamed to be thinking so protectively of the missing Alice. He had no romantic feelings for her- rather she was more a brother to him and all he wanted in the end was to truly see her happy. He had no bitter feelings about his proposal; the marriage would have felt odd even to him.

But Hamish was one who played his part in the horse and carriage show of the Aristocracy. Alice was one that had always said no. It was the one thing that Hamish had always respected her for- she was able to stand up for herself. Maybe that was the reason that Bayne had gotten rid of her. There was no way that he could see that man having any patience for the spark that was always inside of his wonderstruck friend. It was a bit strange that Alice had gone out into woods she was so familiar with on a dark night and somehow had coincidentally slipped to fall to her doom by a blow of a rock to the head. No, that did not seem like an accident. Alice was one with her clouds in the head but she could still see her toes upon the earth. Alice's death hadn't sit right with Hamish and was only encouraged when he had heard from a servant that Lady Kingsleigh had received a letter from her daughter. Another scolded the younger servant telling her to shut up because that was merely a rumor- something that had yet to be proven true. Hamish had received his own letter upon the front door's step a couple days later. He didn't have the heart to open it then but now he was rethinking his decision.

He glanced across the room at the envelope and took wary steps toward it. He didn't understand why he was so nervous to open the parchment. Perhaps he was afraid that once he opened this letter he'd find to his disappointment that the letter wasn't from Alice. That someone was merely pretending to be an Alice in order to comfort the already grieving Kingsleigh ladies.

Hamish took an audible deep breath before he completed breeching the distance between himself and the letter. He picked it up and instinctively brought it to his nose. It smelled of Alice- a smell that couldn't quite be explained outside of that. But it was a more mature Alice smell; her scent mixing with something strange to his memory. He trembled at the thought that perhaps this was the pseudo Alice's way of becoming real. Hamish was thinking this far too through. Who would pretend to be Alice? As much as everyone loved the dream filled girl dearly they loathed her at a level in the same way. She was something that could never be carved or shoved or stretched into who they wanted her to be. Hamish banished further rational thinking from his mind and ripped open the letter. He unfolded it and began to read aloud to himself (though he rarely read aloud something compelled him to this time):

"Dear Hamish," He took another deep quivering breath. He wanted to keep himself from hyperventilating or fainting at the overwhelming emotions coursing through him. "You have perhaps heard by now that I am dead. That is partially true. I think I've always been dead in that world because they have all killed me. I couldn't fit into their corsets, into their stockings, into their marriages, into their molds. I failed miserably at just doing what I was told. So I fear in their own way everyone I have ever known has killed me. Except perhaps for my father but I fear that he was already dead."

Hamish was grieved by the way that his friend talked. She wasn't wallpaper like ladies were taught to be but that made her something to be admired. Surely someday other ladies would be as she was now. Hamish realized that by pausing here he was interrupting his dear friend.

"I have found a place that I've mentioned so many times to those around me before. A place that they had convinced me couldn't exist. But it does, my dear old friend. It's a place I can only dream of. Perhaps it is most convenient for me that Bayne has faked my death- he was not in on my leaving; I think he was merely humiliated that I did. And now I have been given free leave to live where I am at. I wish there was a way for both worlds to be together but that would just be…strange. It would become a living contradiction, two parts which would never be able to exist. So this is my good bye to you, Hamish, as well as an encouragement. Keep your head among the merchants and lead them the best that you can. Never be me, Hamish, for I am me and you are you. Lead them the best you know how. You will do well, you are much stronger than anyone has given you credit. And so, Hamish, because I do not know if I will ever see you again in this life, fairfarren."

Hamish's blue eyes became wet as they filled with tears. He would miss his sister, his coworker. They had succeeded well together. He wished he would only do half as well apart. But even her penmanship seemed to indicate that she was now happy. Most likely because the Wonderland that the little wide eyed girl always babbled about gave her what she always needed- a place to be free to be Alice.

Hamish reread the letter several times before tucking it away in one of the bottoms drawers. Over the years it would become worn and frayed by his hands which would read the encouragement in the darkest of times. A few more letters would join; ones telling of marriage and children and prosperity all with a strange man named Tarrant Hightopp. But strange was what Alice needed. It was what she was and who she would always be. Hamish would continually miss his dear almost sister but would soon turn the sadness into contentment when he remembered she was out of this golden cage and out in the open air of a foreign land she needed.

_Strange, strange,_   
_In your perfect world,_   
_So strange, strange_   
_I feel so absurd in this life,_   
_Don't come closer, it turns slowly,_   
_In my arms forever you'll be,_   
_Strange, Strange,_   
_Like Me..._

Alice had been writing letters the past couple days after the news McTwisp had brought her. So Bayne was low enough to take her rejection with poor response. McTwisp was able to acquire enough information that she could piece the story together. Indeed the dirty bastard had found a dead prostitute, someone so destitute and alone that no one would miss her poor body (a thought which made Alice sick), and had her pretend in her rotting decay to be Alice.

The woman could barely contain her anger when she found the news out and had to walk the halls of Marmoreal for a time before she could conduct conversation without a primeval scream of anger. Alice wanted to weep for the poor lady whose life wouldn't be remembered, no matter how dreary it had been, and scream at Bayne for hurting her family like that. But Alice knew that mere tantrums wouldn't solve anything. But perhaps if McTwisp could get himself up to Underland she could trust him with letters to be delivered to people who needed to know the truth.

Alice had first drafted a letter for Bayne. No matter how angry she was with him she couldn't let him eat away her happiness. She was so very happy here in Underland and was grateful that she had run away from the engagement party only to fall down a hole. She first began to think of the words in her mind as she lay in Tarrant's arms late in the evening. He was the one she had spent her whole life looking for but it took her so long to realize that, almost too long. She tried to keep herself from dwelling on what ifs as she penned another letter.

After her letter to Bayne, which caused all the anger to be wrung from her, she went on to quickly write a letter for her mother. Her poor mother who had lost not only her beloved husband a few years ago but was now being told she lost her youngest child. Alice couldn't bear the thought of her mother's grief over her false death. McTwisp had been just as speedy to deliver this letter as Alice had been in penning it.

Finally Alice had written one to Hamish. He had become the brother she never had in her Upperworld and she was grateful for the love and kindness he had begun to show her even if he didn't quite understand her. Now Alice was writing a note to Tarrant. She wasn't sure why she was but she knew that she had to. Perhaps it was because words on a page were much more powerful than words spoken. She had been an awful wretch to him when she had first come down, what with all the dream business she blabbered on about. Alice knew that he had forgiven her; they had never been closer than now that all was said and done, forgiven and readily forgotten. But it wasn't enough in her eyes. So she had to write him something. She now looked over the letter she had nearly finished and began to read it out loud (for she always seemed to hear mistakes before seeing them):

"My Dearest Mad Man," She smiled at the thought of him beginning the letter. She would place it in his work room early one morning so that he would happen upon in later in the afternoon when she was going about Marmoreal helping Mirana. "you are something that I can't even describe. You are strange, you are foreign. Yet you are everything I need."

Alice frowned. It sounded utterly sappy, but it was what needed to be said. Sappy or not. "You have had the utmost patience with me that I didn't deserve; you have showed me the most loving kindness that I have experienced. You have been the sweetest gentleman I have ever met."

Alice had paused here for awhile. She wanted to make sure that the letter made sense and flowed, just as her mother had taught her. But this was Underland, this wasn't her world. Making the least amount of sense would be the best in this case.

"And now you hold me still," She continued you. "You pull me close into your arms when the world above is trying to cave in on me, trying to throw me back in their cage. Your insanity brings me comfort. You hold me so tightly in your arms that it scares me. But at the same time, it is exactly what I need. You have led me through this absurd land that seemed to be so terrifying at first. But you took my hand and you showed me with patience and love. Something that I am not sure that I would show you had you been me and I you. But I am me and you are you. I am sorry that I am making little sense. I just wish there was an exact way to describe what I am saying." Alice smiled as she knew how to end the note. "I guess what I am saying…" She began.

_I am saying that I am in love with you and I want to love you forever. For in my arms you'll be strange, strange like me. Love always, your fair one. Alice._

She folded the paper after blowing the ink dry and placed it in an envelope. Picking up the official Hightopp seal she had stolen from his desk earlier in the dark she folded the envelope flap closed then poured a bit of purple wax upon the triangle's top. Quickly she pressed the wax marker into the hot liquid and smiled as it hardened into the intricately formed capital H. She then placed the letter in the sliding drawer. It had been perfect timing for Tarrant came into the bedroom now, a smile upon his weary face.

"Good evening, my Fair One." He said with a smile. She mirrored his grin and stood. His arms extended and she went into his welcoming hug, grateful to be somewhere she would be able to call home.


	21. Extreme

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Extreme" song by Valoria

_Slice like a knife, your middle name's Danger_   
_Hunting tonight, you kill the park ranger_   
_Saving the life of any old stranger_   
_Your are large as a planet, but_   
_Locked to ground with attitude for days_   
_Rock to the sound of any song you play_   
_Shocking the crowd, smile on your face_   
_I just can't understand it, no_

She had chosen. It took her far too long yet again to realize that sometimes what we dream for really can happen. She almost lost all of this due to her disbelief.

And her strong conviction that everything above depended on her. But she depended on one person, one man. Had she left for the last time, her lifeline would be severed indefinitely.

All that mattered in this instance, however, was the fact that she did indeed stay and she did indeed intend on marrying her lifeline. So many questions that had remained unanswered had been answered now that she stayed. The Bandersnatch wasn't against her; he merely missed the girl that had saved his eye. The one that had given him freedom and grace. Absolem didn't think she was a stupid girl- as much as he called her that- he just knew that Alice was hiding from the truth. Situations make Alices run but insults make Alices fight.

She was home. But at the same time it was still surreal; she had heard about this from the shores of America where people were getting land and discovering gold. Things that many of them had only dreamed of and now that it had come true it was too hard to accept.

It was extreme.

She didn't know what it was at first. Perhaps it was this new world; perhaps it was the fact that she was seen as normal for one day in her life. She didn't feel too small or too tall. She felt like Alice.

But the other thing that had shocked her had been discovered one night on the balcony of Marmoreal as she sat and talked with someone she only had dreamed of (or so she had once thought).

"You seem a bit…distracted my fair one." Tarrant said he approached her from behind. She blinked and took a moment to let his words register in her head.

"Mmmm possibly. Overwhelmed is more the word I think I would be searching for."

"Then you may have it." Tarrant replied with a wistful smile. "What is engulfing you?"

"All of this." She extended her arms about her motioning to the world which she now inhabited. "I feel like for once I belong to something."

"I don't quite understand why one would find that troubling." He answered coming to stand beside her as she overlooked all of Marmoreal.

"All of this just seems so…loseable. That one day I shall wake up and all of this adventure will be gone. I will be the odd one once again among my crewmates and to my husband." Tarrant shook his head as he took her hand in his. She blushed as he pressed her hand to his lips in thought.

"Please don't think of anyone besides me having you." He finally said, his dull green eyes looking up at her in sadness.

"No Tarrant, it is I who should be asking that. I've been a bully and an idiot girl taking advantage of all you had to offer to me. Of taking advantage of your body. I threw my virginity at you not even caring if you wanted it. I threw my temper tantrums…yet you stayed by my side through it all." She shook her head. "Most men I know would have left me for the attitude that I had trapped you with. But you waited, you were patient."

"One of us has to be," He said with a smile and brought her into his arms.

"How is it that I find one who gives very good advice that I will always take?" She looked up into his face. His crimson lips spread into his familiar gat toothed smile. "You are something that will always be too extreme for me. Something I will never understand."

"I think you know me better than any other will. We are together Alice. We are not Tarrant and we are not Alice. We are TarrantAlice." He said with a kiss to her forehead. Alice smiled and pressed her temple to his chest as she just stood there. This was going to be hard to come to grips with but she liked what it was she struggled against.

_White picket fence, the typical picture_   
_Think you should know that's not what I'm into_   
_I'm not an ordinary girl, got your scent and_   
_I'm gonna follow it_   
_All of the girls think I'm a bit psycho_   
_Maybe I am but that's the way I roll_   
_And when I gotcha watch the whole world know_   
_I am truly original_   
_Don't you think you are a little extreme?_   
_Don't you think you are a little extreme?_   
_Maybe, but then again this life is short_

Alice had become accustomed to roaming the halls of Marmoreal in her spare time. She didn't want to interrupt everyone in their work but she didn't yet risk going out into Underland herself. It was turning into a very complicated puzzle. She wanted to leave but she didn't quite know what lurked outside but she was kept in the bubble of Marmoreal's whitewash walls so she was kept from what was outside. A conundrum that confused even her. Tarrant had been gone from the castle for days and their long chats at night had ceased now that he barely stayed at the castle overnight. She didn't doubt his love for her but she missed the company that he had brought her. She missed him whenever he wasn't around the way that a baby missed its mother if she is gone too long. And the topic of babies always made her think of her mad man. Lost in thought Alice didn't even realize that she had nearly run into Mirana who was elegantly floating down the hall sans courtiers. Mirana's grace was the only reason that impact hadn't happened.

"Alice, do you feel well?" The bell like chime in the royal's voice ripped Alice away from her daydreaming.

"Oh, I feel perfectly fine. Do I appear sick?" She asked the queen with worry.

"You seem very….misplaced." The queen responded with a smile. "Are you missing the houses and the yards of you Upperland?" She reached out to gently take Alice's hand. Alice let out a loud laugh at the thought of missing what she had left behind.

"Not at all, your Majesty. Contrariwise I never quite fit into that type of world." She answered.

"Oh I am sure you adjusted well."

"Corsets are codfish and I never appreciate slimy creatures about my waist." She said with a wink.

"Eschewing proper dress…I suppose that could be on the grounds for strange behavior." Mirana replied with a laugh. "Why is it you are roaming the halls then, if it isn't because you miss your home."

"I miss my home completely. My home is my Hatter." Alice said with a blush. She wasn't so used to people being so forward with their romantic lives. Although she didn't know too many girls that constantly slept with a man before they were wed. But Alice knew that deep down inside they were meant for each other and sometimes her body just needed his.

"Ahh, I understand, my dear Alice. He came and spoke to me concerning you the other day." Mirana turned to begin a leisurely stroll down the hall. Alice hurried to keep up, slightly flustered that Tarrant spoke about her behind her back. But wasn't that what she was doing to him right now. Her curiosity was consuming this argument, however, so she responded.

"Whatever about?"

"It seems he is worried about you. That you feel like you fit in here so well that you don't feel like you can belong here at all."

"It is a bit overpowering, all of this sudden rush of information. Someone's given me a whole pishsalver's glass full."

"Hmm, I suppose that is true, Alice." Mirana said, extending her grace to the girl. "But don't doubt that he is as madly in love with you as he is mad."

"Oh I don't doubt that for a second!" Alice hurriedly said. "I love him so much that I'm almost afraid of losing him for how will I ever be able to find someone who understands-" Mirana stopped Alice mid sentence with a jerk of the wrist.

"Alice you must not allow yourself to think that, for if you do you could risk pushing him away. Do you understand?"

"I do. Perhaps this will become clearer when we get married. That I really have him. Assuming that we do get married."

"I have a feeling that your assumption is very accurate." Mirana said with a smile. "I must be on my way but I am glad to have found you. I wanted to inform you that your presence is requested tonight in the garden. But that is all I can say."

And off Mirana was leaving Alice in an even further confused state.

_I long to love you, I long to love you_   
_I'm not enough_   
_I long to love you, I long to lo-oh_   
_I'm not enough_   
_I long to love you, I long to love oh-oh_   
_Tell me whatcha gonna do_   
_I'm crazy baby into you_   
_You are exactly what I'm looking for_   
_You are the key that opens up the door_   
_You are exactly what I've waited for_   
_Waiting has only made me love you_

Alice nervously paced the garden. She was given further instruction by McTwisp that she was to arrive at the garden in one of her favorite blue dress promptly after evening dessert. She had been here nearly a quarter of an hour and still no one showed. She was growing worried that perhaps something had happened to Mirana or McTwisp or even Absolem and that is why they weren't here already.

Her palms were sweating and she began talking to herself trying to audible convince her mind to let go of the worry. That the worry was premature and that everything was probably fine.

"People may think you've gone round the bend you keep your lips moving like that." A familiar lisp interrupted her thoughts. Alice turned with delight to see Tarrant, dressed in his kilt regalia, standing in the far corner of the garden.

"Tarrant!" Alice shouted with excitement as she saw him nearing her. Her feet couldn't be stopped as she ran to him, leaping into his arms. He fumbled with something in his hand as he caught her and spun her around.

"Ah, Ah've mehssed ye." He said breathing into her hair. Alice felt the warmth of arousal spreading in the fire of her belly. She always felt it glowing when he wore his kilt, his hat half cocked upon his head, and his eyes as mad as ever. "Ah nehd ta tell ye somethin' importan', Ahlice," Tarrant said setting her down.

"Where have you been my Mad Man?" She didn't wait for him to start. She just wanted to know why he had waited so long. She missed him deeply. "You've been gone for so long and I just, I wanted to make sure that you were coming back and-" Tarrant placed a hand on her mouth.

"Shhhh, Alice." His brogue was dropping and the soothing lisp returned. "Before you get your knickers in a horrible twist let me explain." And he did. "I was at the Windmill, preparing a proper place for us, Alice. I wanted to make sure that you would approve of the place where we would be sleeping, where we would be making love, where we would be cooking food, where I would be making hats and you could come to visit me in my long hours and distract me for a bit." He led Alice to the bench in the middle of the garden and sat down with her. "I wanted to make it a place where we could grow, make babies, have children, be a family." Tarrant continued.

"We, Tarrant this is all coming so fast."

"I love to love you, Alice." He slid off the bench and dropped to one knee. "Will you let me love you forever?"

"Yes! Yes Tarrant Hightopp. I will let you love me forever. I will love you forever."

"You are the only person, Alice, who I will love." He said as he began to cry, tears slipping down his cheeks. "You're the only one I've been looking for."

"And you're the key that opens up my door. Tarrant Hightopp. You have all of my heart, all of body, all of my soul, you have all of me."

"Finally," Tarrant breathed as he pulled her to the ground with him and they began to kiss.

_You are exactly what I'm looking for_   
_You are the key that opens up the door_   
_I'll take anything from you_   
_I'd long to love you_   
_You are exactly what I've waiting for_   
_Waiting has only made me love you more_   
_Tell me what you're gonna do_   
_I'm crazy into you_

Tarrant and Alice Hightopp were married by Old Father William himself on a beautiful day at the tea table. It seemed an appropriate enough place to become one forever, seeing as each time they had come together before it was at the long table and the many chairs. People couldn't stop congratulating the two who were deemed mad enough into each other.

Alice received good news from McTwisp later that week that Bayne had confessed to a man in a drunken stupor on what had happened to the poor harlot and was now spending his days in a prison. No money would ever be able to get him out.

Hamish had written Alice that he had married a nice young Oriental lady that he had met on one of his first journeys over. His father had passed and he had inherited the company completely. He also had whispered into the ear of a man named Charles Dodgson the tale of his friend Alice and her life in Wonderland. He was sorry that he didn't know the real place from which she hailed from.

Alice and Tarrant settled into the Windmill house. Alice became acquainted with Underland and was able to go about as she pleased giving her freedom. Freedom that she enjoyed for only a couple years because soon after; she and her Mad Hatter welcomed the newest Hightopp clan member into the world. She would go on to have five more children and become a wonderful mother (Tarrant always knew she would). Tarrant's business prospered and he went on to become quite wealthy; they would never move, however, because neither he nor Alice could bear the thought of leaving the Windmill to move closer to the castle at Marmoreal. Mirana visited often enough until she too married. The visits happened only less frequent. The six children of the Hightopp couple would be sent to the palace during the week in order to receive the best education in all of Underland. They would go on, just as their parents had, to do greater things.

How does this story end? Well, we shall leave it to pass that Tarrant and Alice remained madly in love with each other for the rest of their lives and their lives after that.

But how could one expect any less from a Mad Hatter and his Muchy Alice?

_Don't you think you are a little extreme?_   
_Don't you think you are a little extreme?_   
_Don't you think you are a little extreme?_   
_Don't cha, don't cha, don't cha don't cha, oh_


End file.
